Very happy.:)
In the wee hours of the morning, I am basking in the thankfulness that I have for the Lord. Just when I thought I knew what it meant to be fine, here I am realizing that things can indeed get better and sweeter- especially my relationship with God.
So what happened? No rain of manna or a thousand loaves here, but more of... rejoicing. It's an ongoing process, a beautiful journey in finding God. Sounds totally cliche, but now I am deeply contemplating the meaning of this often-used statement. *sigh*
I am not saying I have a perfect relationship with God...far from it. But in the silence/restlessness/contemplation these past few months, I am now understanding that there is nothing more definite than my identity and will in the light of God's identity and will. Meaning that I can only surely find my significance through knowing Him. And it's not just a trial thing...it's a commitment that I have to decide fully on.
Do I have my heart set to it? I hope so. And after the incident last Sunday, I believe God has empowered me more again in my weakness. And following God comes out of habit... it's not a buffet menu wherein I can select only what I want. I must be willing to embrace all that the Lord deems well for me.
"Above all, guard your heart..."
With these realizations, I also came face to face with my personal challenge again. I guess lately I am accepting that I have a particularly weak spot in the coronaries...ouch. Nowadays it's like when I see him (seldom) or think about him (often), my whole sense is thrown out through the glass window. I am very much aware that this is just another state of distant limerence...but my heart's crazy enough to go with it at each encounter! Grr.
How to deal with it? Of course, eliminate the source. So that means: Go kill myself? Or shoot him instead! No no. Haha.
For the meantime I think a crucial point is 1.avoidance. Don't go looking for the source. And 2.diversion. Keep busy and productive. Sweep the house daily if needed. Read good books. Wash dishes and pots at once. Play more piano pieces. Fold dry laundry. Hit more pro points in Wii tennis, boxing, and bowling. ALWAYS do the devotions...pray, pray, pray.
Hahahaha. My current selection of methods is very domestic. And he is just an ordinary man, like the flu. But inflicting me quite the plague. Hahahaha.
And what do I do when the plague asks for my number?
Ah. S.O.S. Shall overcome soon. Lord!!!