There's a 5'4'' nursing student who realized she wanted a Littman stethoscope. She saw the product on display one afternoon, hohuuummmmm..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...................
Dissatisfaction fills me like a radioisotope...
...and somehow lights me up for me to see what's missing.
I hate it that I'm wasting time with matters less important than my purpose of life which is to please God and not all darned people.
Wala, maybe I'm just on the verge of a burnout. Or maybe I AM burnt out with all the issues of work and career...even the issue of trust and friendship. I don't know.
Anyway, just today I got my day off- of course, it's supposed to be a day of rest for me, it's Sunday and I get to fix the kitchen, spend time with my brothers, sleep lots, watch a dose of House, stat...but there is no full satisfaction there after all that. I am primarily affected by spiritual starvation, and my internal clock won't stop screaming for me to talk to God and set things straight.
I laugh. I smile. I even dance. But I'm not happy, not without a highly maintained relationship with the Lord.
~~~IF YOU 'RE NOT OPEN-MINDED ABOUT SPIRITUAL STUFF, MIGHT AS WELL GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU TELL ME LIKEWISE~~~THANKS.
To the rest of you who claim you're open-minded...
I recall how just two days ago I was sitting inside the UST church for the mass for St. Thomas Aquinas. Just as I was whispering to Ahia Jo how I resented being there and my desire to go home, the announcer prompted everyone to kneel. They began to chant the rosary prayer, the sorrowful mysteries in particular.
As I was made to kneel, I saw how it all became a cultist fest as they chanted over and over the prayers, which really creeped me out. Having enough of it, I sat down instead and watched them before these lifeless images on display. It's been a long time since I've had this experience, being surrounded by people saying things over and over again as if they were...hypnotized.
And I wonder...do they not think that God feels jealous with all the attention they are giving to Mary and all the other saints like Thomas Aquinas, in this case? I've been in a Catholic school for 16 years, enough for me to have spent a great deal of time consciously and subconsciously mastering prayers and rituals, even attending morning masses and praying before and after each class. And I've wondered in my young mind before why God doesn't get all the 'attention' or even enough of it from the Catholics (which he should!). If it's not St. Jude, it's Mary. If it's not St. Arnold, it's St. Joseph they pray to. And so on.
Anyway, while I was sitting back in the church with the rest of the community, an idea hit me. Last time I checked, 'prayer' is...a communication between God and man, open 24/7, free of charge.
If so, then why 'pray' to anyone else?
We can only get as much as nothing with saving too much clutter in the back yard. Taking unnecessary stuff out of the lot gives us good space- freedom to dedicate ourselves to serving the Lord whom we can praise, worship...talk to and know more through the means of prayer, which he himself made possible through salvation in Christ.
I say we rethink the nature of our spiritual-enhancing habits and focus on what really matters, which is our own relationship with God. This is not an anti-Christ movement, or even anti-Catholic (99% of my friends are Catholic). This isn't even about religion- I don't have one. I am just saying (even to myself) that as Christians we should strive to live up to the term 'Christian' and turn our hopes to Christ, and Christ alone.
Now having said this I have to bother myself more than ever and fix my silent treatment with God. *silent scream* Yes, he doesn't need me for anything. But I need him for everything.
I skipped a mass, will attend tiong lian!!!!:P
Today I just got out of church prior to mass. I just don't think that it is fair for my institution to force me into joining the mass and forcing me to chant hail mary 70 times. My being there against my will is insult enough, so I left early as the rest of the community went ahead to celebrate mass.
Anyway, after a long time, I'm back here with an entry. I just thought that it'd be nice to write about my Friday- today. :) I've been looking forward to this day, coz it's my last day of the week with a class to attend to. Also, I got to meet Sir Elmer for my first subject of the day, Literature. I so love it when he speaks and acts in front of us. I also got to spend time with my friend Yani, whom I so love. I call her my unica hija- through immaculate conception, wahahaha. I also had my time with Jonathan and Ian during the lazy afternoon stroll, which was supposed to be a parade for St. Thomas Aquinas.
Now I am here in my cuz Mark's and Alfred's new shop near UST, typing my whatevers with my two index fingers while waiting for my order of spaghetti, which my cuz Mark prepared personally for me. I jokingly told him I'd get an insurance first before eating it, just in case something happens to me after the meal. Hahahaha.
After eating, I plan to go according to plan and watch SJCS team play in UNO- sa liga, Tiong Lian. My brother Ken has been playing actively since game 1. I'm really excited for him. Right now the score's 1 lost game and 2 wins. Who knows, this might be the first championship of SJCS...it's not bad to dream of it, hehehe. My bro really improved, and he now gets to play as one of the first five...scoring points, daring to make some moves to shoot.
Color coding, so sasamahan na lang ako ni Alfred to watch the game. He's very sweet to agree to take me there. Kasi kung hindi dahil sa kanya di ako makakanood. I'd be stuck here instead.
But here I am waiting. Today's the day I've been looking forward to- to watch my brother play basketball again (it's been a recent hype for me^^)...spend time with my bros after another long week of studying and attending to patients.
Lots to tell, overwhelmed with the feeling of missing blogging...but so little time for me to cram it all in here. Maybe when I get to have a free day again, I might just write more.
Anyway, I'm going. Can't wait to watch the game!!! :)
May sakit si kuya (at ako ang nars niya)
For the rare instance, may sakit ang kuya ko. He's got pharyngitis (strep throat) and an unlicensed nurse to take care of him- that's me! Hmm. Siyempre as usual parang distant ako kung kausapin siya (it's a shobe thing), but of course, I do make myself ever ready for anything he needs. By experience I know he's not tolerant of emo shows, so I make sure I don't make it obvious that I'm concerned.
Tsk...mahirap lang talaga kapag si sahia ang may sakit. Siyempre, una he has to miss his classes so he can rest. Papaano kaya yung exams niya? And for a guy who's used to a fast-paced life I'm sure hindi niya trip maglagi sa bahay nang mag-isa. Sa totoo lang kung puwede nga lang akong magstay sa bahay para may babantay sa kanya round-the-clock, why not...but then again I just have to go about my work tomorrow and let mama take care of things.
I'm worried though...kasi even before he became symptomatic, I already had a scratchy throat and a headache for 2 days. Hindi kaya ako ang nag-spread ng bacteria?? Dito pa man din sa min hindi uso ang 'get your own glass' policy. Nako, huwag naman sana...(but yeah, my throat feels scratchy)
And just for the fun of it, I made a raw mental listing...well, now it's a written list-
Some Nx problems:
- Risk for fluid volume deficit
- Fever
- Pain
- Altered nutrition: less than body requirements
- Anxiety
Tx plan:
- Increase oral fluid intake
- Offer small frequent meals (soft diet)
- Let him have any food or drink he wants unless contraindicated
- Assist in walking as necessary
- Give meds (Zinacef, paracetamol q4) as ordered by the Px
- Let him use my new uber comfy pillow (yung niregalo niya sa kin)
- Provide health teachings in layman's terms
- Inform him of the potential adverse effects to watch out for in taking Zinacef and require him to take meals before taking it!!!
- Avoid wearing thick clothes and using more than one blanket
- Provide adequate room ventilation
Kaya nga bawal magkasakit eh. I'm just not used to my bro getting sick...sigh. I'm praying that his pain be relieved quickly.
"Elmer"
To Elmer, Harry Potter-
Your power of a character
Seems shallow as your humor
Yet so deep as the reach of your hand
With a pen gripped over
An empty face of a paper.
I know I'm being silly. Hahaha. But I mean every word of it anyway, so what the heck...
Snatched!
Lesson learned, and with a lot of shaking on my part.
Nakuha yung new white cell ko, yung i Phone na binigay sa akin ng tatay ko (na China lang naman, bleh). *shrug*
Grr tlg. Sa lahat ba naman ng lugar na makukuhanan, sa National Bookstore pa sa San Lazaro (sabi nga ng guard sa kin talamak daw dun). I was there because my ma told me to go there.
It wasn't even a case of disobedience. I say it was a case of carelessness. And pride, since just before I went on my trip to SM, kausap ko pa ang dalawang ahia ko, si Jonathan at si Ian-
Me: Sige, aalis na nga ako. Punta ako ng SM.
Jo: Kailangan mo ng kasama?
Me: (...) Umm...no. (Female pride? Sorry, I can't help it- trying to change it.^^)
Jo: Hindi, gusto mo ba ng kasama?
Me: (...) Sa totoo lang nasasad ako sa result ng MS exams natin, so I might just go alone and reflect on it. (I decided to be transparent, since I know I can trust them to see me that way.)
And so for the rare time of saying no and going solo on a Thursday pm, I went off to SM by a Tayuman jeep. And that's where it all happened.
Si sahia ko nung una gustong magalit sa katangahan ko, pero later grabe, hindi man therapeutic ang approach niya he comforted me behind all his pride. Si mama nagulat ako kasi hindi ako sinermonan agad (next day pa nung marahil feel niya nahimasmasan na ko). Tatay ko sabi wag ko na daw isipin. Ayun. Weird, but rather comforting- it was a blessing na may support group ako.
Here's a dreadful thought- nadagdagan na naman ng bala si mama sa argument na kung bakit hindi pa dapat binibigyan ng ganoong karapatan si shobe (me). Tsk. It might take a longer while before she declares my independence...
Now, I have to find me another sun SIM card. Siguro sa tabi-tabi na lang sa Dapitan or when I get the chance to go around (para mas maraming choices sa number, kasi sa Dapitan konti lang eh).
Somehow I feel sad about it pa rin.
Yeah, it's just a cell...thank God nothing happened to me other than that...thank God I haven't given a name to that cell...thank God hindi nanakaw si Bluie (yung K500i phone ko, yung luma)...but then something else...
Nagkatinginan kasi kami nung mama na feel ko with my instincts na kumuha ng phone. The day after I kept on replaying the scene in my mind, na what if I brought a kitchen knife and went back to SM and used Bluie for bait? Then pag kukunin na niya, I'll demand my white cell back, and then if not, I'll...
But no. Vengeance isn't gonna make it all better. As with everything that's happening, this cell snatching isn't a coincidence. And as Jo and my aunt said- it's a life lesson to be learned.
*muffled laugh*
Sana alam niyang gamitin yun. Kahit ako I have yet to learn all the functions of that phone, hahaha.
Keep away from snatchers people! And God keep us safe...
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