Harrassed.

Aaaaaa!!!

I was waiting for my brother to pick me up just yesterday night outside McDonald's, at the corner of Dapitan and Lacson Street.

Carrying a liter of minute maid on one hand and clutching my cell phone on the other, I was anticipating my brother to pass along Dapitan Street while looking around, alert and wary of the people passing by. Around me, the traffic was moving too slowly and people were impatiently honking their horns, too eager to get to their respective destinations.

I glanced at the stop lights: both were red.

Ay, this will take a while, I thought.

Just then, I noticed the car that had stopped right in front of me. The lone passenger- the driver, a man who was probably in his late forties, rolled his window open all the way down. I thought that maybe he was just going to shout at the cars in front of him, or something like that...animals...but I noticed how he turned to me and just looked- no, stared at me slowly from head to foot in my white shirt and casual pants. Last time I checked, it was normal to wear that kind of outfit.

So what's up with that?!

I suddenly had that sinking, horrible feeling that...no, I'm not even saying it!!!

My fist tightened over the one liter of minute maid which I carried in a white plastic bag, feeling apprehension and boiling rage as he went on staring at me while taking a smoke. I wanted to consider that maybe he was 'just smoking,' but do you have to NOT take your eyes off someone while smoking?! Grabe talaga.

I looked afar, wishing for the traffic to move fast so he can disappear and my brother can come to my rescue. I felt very insulted and uncomfortable as I stood there. And then I thought, maybe I should do something.

With that, I stopped texting, kept my cell phone, and matched his stare with a brave glance, as if sending him a message: 'Just you try anything funny, and I'll...' But I was seriously worried that he might get off his car and pull me in. Or something.

Thankfully, the traffic moved, and he was forced to move...away from me. And my brother came for me with a wave of fury, which I welcomed with a smile...*sigh of relief*

Pero banas talagang mga lokong yan!

Screw the society of dirty old bastards.

Rules of food/ rules of romancing by anni

While I was eating with a friend of mine, si Maskitot, I got inspired to do this fun blog of rules reagrding food which can be applicable to love, hehehe. After all, our gastronomic habits undeniably match our love patterns...sabi nga ni Sir Tekiko, one of my most beloved instructors in my college, you are what you eat talaga- a person's character can be reflected in the way he or she eats.
So! To start. Ten freakin' rules...go figure! Hahahaha.

1. Isa-isa lang. Oo, may gumagawa nga nun- yung nilalahat na ang pagkuha parang wala nang bukas. Pero anong tawag doon? BABOY! Di ba? Hahahaha! Sinasabawan ang hindi dapat sabawan, isang kagat lang sa isa tapos aayawan na. Hindi na nga napaninindigan ang choice, nahahati pa ang panlasa sa dami ng kinukuha. At sa huli, ikaw din ang talong masakit ang kalooban- kasi pinilit lahat...o minsan, wrong combo! Nako. Glutton. Hahahaha.
2. Huwag kang takaw tingin. Hindi lahat ng nakikita mo pag gutom ka ay puwede mong banatan. Hahahaha. At hindi excuse ang tag-gutom para bumanat ka na lang basta ng kung anong meron diyan na hindi naman iyo, kahit na (at lalo na) pag sa kaibigan mo pa iyon. May tawag kasi doon- HAYOP. Wahahaha.
3. Huwag kakain ng mga natirang puta...heng malapit nang mapanis. Alam mo palang pasira na- huwag mo nang banatan tulad ng mga nauna dahil lang sayang. Not worth it! Magkakasakit ka pa niyan! Eew!
4. Sa labas, huwag pipila nang hindi alam kung ano ang gusto. Nakakasagabal ka lang. Pagulo kasi, habang yung iba sigurado na sa gusto, hindi naman makasingit kasi may harang, at ikaw iyon! Mabuti pa, umalis ka na lang muna at bumalik ka na lang pag ready ka na and you have made up your mind.
5. Make sure that once you take something, you take it whole. Huwag yung kakalikutin pa sa kinalalagyan, tapos pipiliin lang yung gusto. Ano ba naman yung kunin mo na lahat, then give it a chance. May reason kung bakit siya ginawang ganyan, kaya sa ayaw at sa gusto mo, take it or leave it whole lang. Kung alam mong hindi mo feel yung isang portion o component, eh di wag mo nang guluhin para maayos siya- drop the idea and leave it as it is!
6. Ang hilaw, huwag gagalawin. Siyempre, handled with care iyan- malinis ang pagkakaayos niyan. At kailangan pang dumaan sa complex preparations niyan bago ihain ng expert. Ano ba naman yung maghintay ka sa labas para makakain nang masarap. O baka naman gusto mong kumurot ng kaunting sarap...at habang buhay matikman ang lupit ni inay...*cringe*
7. Ang pata, pata. Ang manok, manok. Ang isda, isda. Hindi kailanman puwedeng maging manok ang isda and vice-versa. Oo fine, sige may tinatawag tayong veggiemeat for vegetarians, pero gulay pa din yung di ba. Ang gulay, gulay. Hahaha. Name it as it is. Huwag mo nang pangalanan ng kung ano pa.
8. Linisin ang sariling kalat. Everybody makes a mess, ika nga...pero don't cry over spilt milk nga rin. Pag may natapon, quit the blame game so you can clean up the mess and carry on- either eating what's left of the same stuff and just helping yourself to a second serving if you care...or daring yourself to a new dish. We can't help that sometimes...it's just choices.
9. Take your time. Savor the experience. It's not a horserace or a card collection. Take in too fast and too much at baka ka mabulunan- and we know it's not really fun if you fail to digest everything. Sayang naman. Hahahaha.
10. Huwag pilitin ang ayaw. Sa mundo ng (pagkain/pag-ibig), may mga adventurer, may mga game sa lahat...may mga choosy rin. May iba-iba ring methods of choosing applied- may gusto ng pasulyap-sulyap, patikim-tikim...may ilan din namang alam na iisa lang ang preference kaya maghahanap pa nang matagal iyan, maghihintay hanggang sa dulo. May short-time, may long-term. Ewan. Basta we just have to understand diversity. Hehehe.

Now I'm not saying I'm an expert on food or even love, pero I think I'm fit enough to say something about both topics! Hahahaha
OK, that's it. Kailangan nang matulog ng cholesterol ko. Wahooo!!! Hahahaha. Goodnight.

I fear the day...

I have this feeling of apprehension every time I would have to see a person go off to a far place and then see this person come back in a while. I don't know. Maybe it's because of the attachment...but then...that can't be right...I should be stronger.

Well in that case...I guess I'm not strong enough. I really have a lot to learn. I have more more room to grow, hehehe. People will always come and go. I have to know how to hold on and stop being a kiddo...

Maybe that's why I've been on a three-day binge already. Hahaha. On a whim, I ate the following...

• Manggang hilaw with bagoong
• Kwek-kwek
• Arroz caldo
• Cup noodles bulalo
• Pinakbet
• Porkchop
• Chicken
• Sbarro's chicago white pizza
• Pasta
• Mushroom soup
• Garlic bread
• Cheese popcorn
• Bacon pizza
• Clover bits
• Roller coaster
• Hot coffee
• Kettle korn regular
• Minute maid
• Jollibee's new rice toppings
• Egg tart
• Misua with pork liver
• Lemonade

I don't know what's happening, but I guess when I'm stressed I just take it out on eating sometimes.

Or somnolent detatchment: aka sleeping it off. Well I know that it does not make the problems go away but it does give me the strength to deal with the problems more efficiently. I slept for 12 hours straight kanina...thank God for the weekend, hehehe.

Or by praying. Of course, the best way...let God replenish...which reminds me, I am starting to fall out of that again. Nako nako...hindi pwede!!!

*sigh*

Undergoing treatment-

BTW, I'm currently taking antibiotics for my cough and colds. Nagdevelop kasi siya sa otitis media (or infection/inflammation of the middle ear)...so ayun may partial hearing deafness ako, which made me go see a doctor sa health services sa UST out of nataranta kasi ako nung medyo humina nga yung pandinig ko, hehehe. Man...

I have to take my meds right on time, though...I skipped two doses kasi I forgot. Aaaa. And I have to see my doc again on Tuesday...need to remind myself of that...

*writes out on a neon green post-it note and sticks it on forehead*

A fun out-

A while ago nagkaroon kami ng fun time ni Bern, (my querida ever...) at Andrew (my outside ahia) magpunta ng Trinoma, play arcade and sit down to talk. Ayun...I really miss these two wonderful friends of mine. It's been ages since I caught a glimpse of them...and yet, the fondness just grows on...

And Timezone's still the wonderland to be. Kanina nagdancemaniax kami (grr super sensitive ng sensors ha), played basketball, guitar freakz (sakit sa kamay)...and then we tried that game where you have to brandish your samurai sword around the sensors correctly to defeat zombie warriors...hahahaha! It was hilarously fun and new (dapat makita kong gawin yun ni Jrep!!!). And that game where you have to shoot the rubber ball right to get credits...I won the jackpot, hahahaha!^^ And that's a first try on the small version...grabe, 104 credits...aw yeah...I'm so so happy with that.

Meanwhile si Bern may new high score sa basket- 395! Si Andrew ayun still up sa 700.@.@ Ako starting off with 52 points...we'll see where it goes. :D

I am thankful for the chance to have spent time with them. Of course. Iba talaga. But I also yearn to see my other walanghiyang friends! Aaaaaaaa *pulls hair in frustration* Hahahahaha!

Nakaka-miss na talaga. Plus, all this stress makes me all the more want to come 'home' to my old friends whom I know can give me good hugs and tell me it's all part of the fun of life. I want to know how they are and likewise give them my reassurance of support in whatever they're doing.

Grabe...I just...grr. Walanghiyangmgabata...T.T I miss you all!!!

I wish I can put music into this. hahaha. :P

Something I write derived from an actual incident one night...hahahaha. :)
Where do I get my inspirations...hahahaha.
Weird tlg.

Ok, enough ridiculous sentiments.:) Good night!

Miles away from me

I hold you close
In the midst of my silence
The sadness grows
The moment, tense

Finally, you left in the cold night
Left me with just one kiss

Now nothing feels right
But your voice, bringing promise

For another day of smiles
Which is long yet to be
Because oh you're miles
Miles away from me

You text me, 'hello dear
I'm missing you just now.'
Well you've got nothing to fear
I carry on somehow

But I fail to see the sidewalk
Tired, eyes blurring with tears
I feel no urge to talk
Coz' there's no you who hears

And nothing feels right
But your voice, bringing promise
For another day of smiles
Which is long yet to be

Because oh you're miles
Miles away from me

Where does your help come from?

I'm really happy. Yesterday was monumental.

I stayed for the bible sharing session of my beloved Tropang Chong. It's the third session...

I cannot explain the feeling of happiness that overwhelmed me yesternight as we tackled the nature of the Lord as our Great Physician. He heals us whole.

I just hope may pumasok sa mga senses ng mga loka, since some of them were still unfocused, mga pasaway...well, I hope God will establish the sched, especially next sem, para makastart na ko sa basic steps to spiritual growth...Lord knows these kids need a lot of spiritual nourishment...

Ang hirap kasing magtackle ng principles unless they know the basics. But nevertheless...I put my trust in God who knows all and controls all...

Where does my help come from?

Topic was, where does our help come from? If we know where we set our hopes to, if we know who to consult first in every hopeless and helpless moment, then we will never be left insecure even in the midst of such unwanted circumstances.

It's like when my uniform sleeve gets burned due to a freak ironing accident...should I go to a shoemaker for repairing? Of course not. I should go to a dressmaker with the right equipment. Baka masira pa ng shoemaker pag pinilit ko di ba? It happens. :)

Parang ganun din kay God. He's perfect, he's all we need. If we encounter trouble, 'seek first the kingdom of God and all his righteousness...' We will always be secure if we got our hearts in the right place...if we put our faith in the One who made us and knows us better than anyone. Why settle for mediocrity if we can settle for the BEST?

I'm not saying that it is wrong to ask for human help. I'm just saying that we ought to ask for expert help before we move...since if we first allow God to guide us and take full control of the situation, then we will surely get to a good solution, praising him who helps and guides us best. Parang driving. God is just beside us, waiting for us to give him the seat. We struggle, but come on...he knows the right way, the best way. Let him be our direction in everything.

The nature of man is to seek God last, pag wala na talaga. Yung sentence na, 'Diyos na ang bahala' is usually uttered when all humanly possible has been done in a tight situation. Hindi ba? Sadly, this is reality...natural sa tao gumustong maging independent. Gusto sariling paraan. My problems, my call. Hahaha. I'm gulity of that.

But what does God have to say to that, according to his word?

In everything we do, we ought to 'take our every thought captive to Christ everyday,' and we ought to 'trust in the Lord, and lean not on our own understanding, in all ways acknowledge him- and he will make our paths straight.'

Let us remember that, 'He is the only way, the truth, and the life.'

Lessons in solitude

It's been such a long time since I logged in here to write something out of nothing. As usual, I'm not my usual self as I enter here. Ewan ko ba...rejection does come as a heavy issue for me.

Right now I'm supposed to go home but since I'm waiting for the curse of the color coding to lift from the car tonight at 7, I just have to find something to do...which is rather a miracle nowadays in the hustle and bustle of fourth year life. Yeah, I'm graduating in a while, but I don't even seem to feel it. I just go with what I have...

And I'm talking and rambling about virtually nothing significant. It's just surprising to find myself seated here at the sixth floor of our university library, just passing time away with less important stuff when I'm supposed to be working at my nursing stuff, which had been long due...ewan ko ba. Pero as usual, pag hindi conducive ang surroundings, hindi talaga ako gagalaw. Extremes ika nga. Pag sipag, gogogo! Pag tamad, all the way baby!

Hay. Honestly, I have to admit that I'm not in the mood to work because my heart wish got rejected. Heart wish definition: any wish I want to fulfill out of a childlike longing and is not related to serious career decisions. Ayun, so after dreaming about it for a week I realized today that I had to fall back hard into reality and wake up- realize that I'm not for that dream that I was aiming for. Some dreams are, as cliche has it, not meant to be. Grr.

Kaya ako sad.
Kaya ako nagmumukmok dito mag-isa.
Kaya ko ayaw gumalaw.

Kaya ko kailangang mag-blog uli after a while. Wala kasi akong mahilang makasama ngayon eh. Kala ko di na ko mahihirapang maghanap ng kasama since fourth year began, but then...yeah, I guess I will always have my solo-flight moments even when I do not desire them that much anymore. Dati kasi it felt comfortable to be alone, and I occasionally still choose to be alone, since I don't want to be a burden to anyone, or I don't want to drag anyone and let someone be my burden, or I just want to be happy alone..?

Or am I really happier then when I am alone? I don't know. Now that I AM alone again against my will, I realize how long it's been...and how companionship feels like a much much amicable option for me now. I guess I changed immensely in that aspect. Weird. I'm still growing up...even unconsciously. Hahaha.

Principle of subsidiarity? Man cannot live alone? No man is an island? Yeah...hahaha.

And how funny that God makes me realize again in these moments that I need him so much, with or without human companionship. People will not always be visible right beside me. Friends will say hello and go. Relationships around us are like leaves: sure they flourish in spring when the time is right, but also given the time, they wither, they fall...they die.

Which is why it is important to put my security in God who will always be with me.

Hmm. I think that's the best realization I've had today. Hahaha. Maybe I should go now. It is getting dark...