"Battered-up" Peach (wonder how would that be)

December 15, 2005...a walk to remember (from the Med Bldg to Benavides and back)

Man, that test made me angry...real frustrated! I never really cared about my grades in Chemistry, so what the heck...

*people were minding their businesses inside the lab that afternoon, after lunch (I didn't even eat for this test)...all were expressing their frustrations like me, or asking each other's scores...OC ever...some clung on to their friends...*

Well...what about Peachie? What about me? I looked around for someone and found...

*Arianne was taking her time explaining and consoling others who did not do as well as she did...smart girl...and Christian...well, he took the test late because of classes overlapping...now he got a minus two and he's already laughing at his carelessness...*

I stood right behind him the whole time til he got his grade...and I asked him what his grade was. But before he could tell me, I decided to skip it and go right outside to mourn upon my own little defeat, as I always had before...

But I didn't make it out then...Arianne got in my way and tried to make me happy because she knew what was coming there...

I smiled and said, "I'm ok..." (now that's an overused cliche of my living here)

But she wasn't covinced. I said bye before she could ask me anything else and headed to the second floor to copy the list of test sched for the next three days...while trying to hold my tears.

When I felt almost sure that she and the others were gone, I hurried down and half-decided to go home alone (kahit hindi pwede)...straight to the corridor by the dean's office...and there Christian sat.

No! I can't let him see me like this!

I dashed to the exit, but not before he slipped out of the dean's office to call me...he ran faster and caught up with me...he was like, "Anni, bingi k tlg, ndulas n nga ako s kkhbol s yo...mccra cute face k s yo..." (anu dw?)

I fell silent and just smiled, "I didn't want you to see me like this..." And then I cried.

We walked to the phone booth corner. I wanted to go home and sleep it all off, but he wouldn't let me.

"Anni, stop crying, ayaw kong nkkta ng umiiyak sa harap ko." And that made me stop.

And then I told him my problem...the diagnosis:

• Partly dala ng frustration sa Chemistry, pero my closest friends...Arianne and Christian...so great in Chem...and me...so insecure...not so gifted with the compounds...
• Sanay ako na maraming naitutulong sa friends ko, especially those dear to me...and now wla akong maisip na maibigay kay Christian, puro na lng xa ang bida sa Chem and I'm the helpless innocent/ignorante...must be underlying pride to want independence from others...
• I fear the time when these two friends of mine leave me alone sa next year if they get tired of me.

I told him all these...and he suddenly said, "Anni, I don't think I've told you...ikaw friend kta. Now, what is a friend?"

Natigilan ako kasi I forgot that he was not just a companion...must be all the doubts...

He said, "Anni, bakit kta friend? Hindi dahil Anni is bubbly...hindi dahil I like a part of you...but because you are you."

Man, that's my principle in friendship and he was throwing it back at me.

And then we walked outside...we saw fungi and rain as we talked about my prob...and stopped beside this cart of ice cream near the post office of the main bldg...

"Nakakain k n b ng ice cream and bread?" ---Negative and answer ko

He bought me one and urged me to eat dun sa mlapit sa favorite seat nmin sa lovers' lane...he couldn't make me laugh,I know all of his jokes and I was better at that, so he tried piecing up some wise sayings, but couldn't get them out there at once, so he brought out his cell and read to me a few of his favorite quotes...it kind of made me feel happy...

Honestly I hated the ice cream, tasted like bavarian donut...but his company really helped me force it all down to 1/4...and then we walked back to the nursing pav, my spirits somehow lifted with the reminder that Christian and the rest of my chosen friends are here to stay.

So far the biggest lesson that hit me in my entire stay in UST- Everyone needs a friend to help them out!

I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, forcing to do my own stuff most of the time...and felt bad and defeated when I would get someone's help at work...when all that person wanted more often than not is to plainly help me in the name of friendship...and not go superior...

I'm just being proud, so that's a mistake...kahit na sabihin ko pang work lang yan.