...and somehow lights me up for me to see what's missing.
I hate it that I'm wasting time with matters less important than my purpose of life which is to please God and not all darned people.
Wala, maybe I'm just on the verge of a burnout. Or maybe I AM burnt out with all the issues of work and career...even the issue of trust and friendship. I don't know.
Anyway, just today I got my day off- of course, it's supposed to be a day of rest for me, it's Sunday and I get to fix the kitchen, spend time with my brothers, sleep lots, watch a dose of House, stat...but there is no full satisfaction there after all that. I am primarily affected by spiritual starvation, and my internal clock won't stop screaming for me to talk to God and set things straight.
I laugh. I smile. I even dance. But I'm not happy, not without a highly maintained relationship with the Lord.
~~~IF YOU 'RE NOT OPEN-MINDED ABOUT SPIRITUAL STUFF, MIGHT AS WELL GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE YOU TELL ME LIKEWISE~~~THANKS.
To the rest of you who claim you're open-minded...
I recall how just two days ago I was sitting inside the UST church for the mass for St. Thomas Aquinas. Just as I was whispering to Ahia Jo how I resented being there and my desire to go home, the announcer prompted everyone to kneel. They began to chant the rosary prayer, the sorrowful mysteries in particular.
As I was made to kneel, I saw how it all became a cultist fest as they chanted over and over the prayers, which really creeped me out. Having enough of it, I sat down instead and watched them before these lifeless images on display. It's been a long time since I've had this experience, being surrounded by people saying things over and over again as if they were...hypnotized.
And I wonder...do they not think that God feels jealous with all the attention they are giving to Mary and all the other saints like Thomas Aquinas, in this case? I've been in a Catholic school for 16 years, enough for me to have spent a great deal of time consciously and subconsciously mastering prayers and rituals, even attending morning masses and praying before and after each class. And I've wondered in my young mind before why God doesn't get all the 'attention' or even enough of it from the Catholics (which he should!). If it's not St. Jude, it's Mary. If it's not St. Arnold, it's St. Joseph they pray to. And so on.
Anyway, while I was sitting back in the church with the rest of the community, an idea hit me. Last time I checked, 'prayer' is...a communication between God and man, open 24/7, free of charge.
If so, then why 'pray' to anyone else?
We can only get as much as nothing with saving too much clutter in the back yard. Taking unnecessary stuff out of the lot gives us good space- freedom to dedicate ourselves to serving the Lord whom we can praise, worship...talk to and know more through the means of prayer, which he himself made possible through salvation in Christ.
I say we rethink the nature of our spiritual-enhancing habits and focus on what really matters, which is our own relationship with God. This is not an anti-Christ movement, or even anti-Catholic (99% of my friends are Catholic). This isn't even about religion- I don't have one. I am just saying (even to myself) that as Christians we should strive to live up to the term 'Christian' and turn our hopes to Christ, and Christ alone.
Now having said this I have to bother myself more than ever and fix my silent treatment with God. *silent scream* Yes, he doesn't need me for anything. But I need him for everything.
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