The waking up is the hardest part...
Hindi naman lahat bad tlg. The first part was very good. The second part got me feeling devastated.
So! To start...
I dreamed of being in a small white room with my classmates and friends sa nursing. Mga 4-10 berks...and at the center of the brightly-lit room was a bed, colored red. We were in a festive mood. At the center of the room sat Ma'am Cristobal, our beloved teacher na RN-MD...I looked at her belly (she's pregnant at this time) and saw that it was smaller. In her beautiful black-belted red dress, she turned to me and smiled in her cute way and said, "Anniline, nanganak na ko."
I was happy for her. "Congratulations," I said. But at the back of my mind, I was wondering why I was there. As more people started coming in, I moved out with someone very familiar who was not supposed to be there- si Maski (he's a very good friend of mine whom I love so much). I was conscious of his presence, but I did not mind him so much.
"Lika na," I told him, somehow happy with the unexpected company. And we wandered around the building (there were shops, parang mall siya) before I sensed that it was time...and I disappeared down a staircase malapit sa fire exit, but not before I bid him goodbye and said, "Text mo ko.":)
And the scene changed.
I woke up at the exact same position I had slept (just on the right side of my mother's bed). I recalled that I had to text him, so I fumbled for my cell phone. I reached for it and saw that there were two messages. It was astonishing to note that the message window looked like that of Yahoo Messenger. I could not recall much about the message he sent me, except for that part that it looked like he copy-pasted it from someone else's chat box.
It occured to me with analysis that he was sending 'I love you' to me with a picture of his barkada (which was just really weird)...but apparently he copy-pasted that message after he had sent it to some other girl na hindi ko naman kilala (siyempre nadamay doon yung name ng kausap niya). I highlighted the message (aba cellphone yun ha, wahahaha) and saw that the girl had even sent her number to him. And something about their messages told me that they were even talking about me. (aaaaaaa)
I shut my phone, not wanting to believe it. I felt so cheated and hurt. I muttered in denial, "No, no..." But it was there, the messages said everything. There was someone else he wasn't telling me about. I began to feel the coming of tears as I covered myself with a blanket and assumed a right fetal position.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
The waking up is the hardest part...
Yeah...finally, I woke up for real. It did not dawn on me at once that everthing that had occured was all a dream, so I stayed there on the bed, feeling a fresh surge of hurt and the urge to cry. A million thoughts were racing in my wasted head at that time as I stayed silent. So ganoon pala, may iba tlg siya. Pero teka, hindi naman kami ah, bakit ganito? Wala naman akong karapatang masaktan. He's your friend who just happens to like someone who's not you. Nothing else. Better let it stay that way...bahala nga sila...
Lord, bakit ganoon? I had to ask. I was filled with so much grief.
You roll out of bed and down on your knees,
and for a moment you can hardly breathe...
Wondering...
At buti na lang I had reoriented myself to reality before I cried out loud. I think I did. But if so, then thank God it wasn't enough to wake my two brothers (wala kasi si mama kagabi so tumabi muna ako dun). I reviewed the events in my head and realized that, wait a minute- that can't be real...and so I tried to recall what happened before I rolled off to dreamland.
That's when I fully realized that it was all unreal. Ma'am's expected date comes about a month later, Maski's not my boyfriend (I don't have a cheating boyfriend!), and yes, Maski did text me, but nothing like that. I checked my cellphone to confirm four text messages, two of which he had sent. Yes, it was all a dream.
Well, everything was a dream. But the pain was real.
And that gave me something to think about...
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