Don't ask me how I am...because you of all people should know because you caused it.

But you don't. Or maybe you just don't give a sh*t because your nerves are that numb from too much lidocaine you use to cover up for your own mistakes.

I woke up at 729 am...just a minute before my cell alarm sounded off to start my day. The sun was shining and my aunt was sleeping beside me...it seemed like a lovely day, but my body felt like it was restrained by lead suits. I only got up thirty minutes later to take a bath, lest I change my mind about going to my scheduled appointment with my dentist. It's been two months.

Ma evidently woke up at the wrong side of the bed...she was testing my patience again. Or maybe she's just that mean. Hahaha.

I arrived at 1030am, thanks to my uncle who offered to take me to the dentist. The rubber replacements are tougher than ever. I have to remind myself not to eat anything tough for the next few days...lest I want to suffer. Dr. Meg says it's gonna take only three days at most, but I'm not buying it. I say it'll take five. But even then...she's so sweet and therapeutic...either she's sincere or she's just darned good at using the 'technique.' Hmm...

Papi seems to be in a whole load of trouble lately...Ahia told me he's been wandering off from work, which is sooo out of character for him, and contemplating on stuff. Maybe he feels different. Is he dying? I don't know...but I wouldn't joke about it. I contacted him this morning...he says he's at Jollibee tenth ave. Why would he be there? I tried calling him thrice. He called back later. I offered to see him. He refused, though I was pressing it.

Tsk, tsk...men. So full of pride. Papi can be so cheerful when we're together, but he's easily the proudest person I know. I told him that. He laughs at me especially when I turn serious. How attentive can he get? Regardless of that, I wish he'd see a doctor with me. He needs a specialist, and I know just the man to talk to. It's going to be easy, as long as those people would not keep him from making his own decisions, such as asking help from 'that helpless daughter of his.'

Visiting Shane, Alain and David was great. Their father, my Diku, is such a nice guy...I can't ask for a better uncle like him. He's reasonable, kind and can give good advice. He's such a blessing to his kids.

While staying there at the dead zone with them, I was hoping I could eat noncommercial halohalo without pinipig in the hot afternoon. It's been an unresolved craving for weeks and it can help numb my aching gums from the rubber strength. I was waiting for it...until I fell asleep there while watching Ah My Goddess with Alain.

I took Shane home with me...with the blessing of the parents, of course (and Shane's delight). My cellphone buzzed with messages from hours before. I just woke up then from a deep sleep, so I was not really in the mood to talk to anyone, not even my companions.

Later, we had great conversations over tinola as I returned to the real world. While I was left to fix the kitchen mess, I had a blunder. Half of my pants got wet. I forgot that my cellphone was in my right pocket where I got soaked really bad...when I realized it, five minutes had already elapsed.

Maybe that's why the lights were blinking later when I checked it. Blaize233 has been serving me well, especially through my moments this summer. Strange, but while I was trying to correct the blinking lights, tears brimmed in my eyes as I was filled with a feeling of hopelessness. Bakit ba kahit anong gawin ko, may mga bagay na sadyang nasisira? Lahat ba ng bagay nakatadhana nang masira at mawala nang tuluyan? I'm not questioning the presence and control of God in every situation, but why...I feel very sad and I cannot deny it. My mind can only will my heart to be strong...to not give in to tears for fear of a moment's weakness...to stand firm and think clearly with a sure grasp of reality...because I need to hold myself together when everything around me is falling apart.

Anyway, anyway...slumber party with Shane, my most beloved cousin...but I think we'll be needing shades and suntan because overindulgence with hotties can surely burn. *fans self after watching guys tear their shirts off when it was supposed to be a joke* Hahaha.