Yesterday I cried. Today I'm laughing.

It's only a matter of time before...*sigh*

My mood is almost like the weather. I'm highly reactive, my aunt used to affirm that. Just yesterday I woke up from a good sleep, sat with my back pressed against the whitewashed wall, instinctively assumed the fetal position and cried silently to God.

Perhaps by a lack of faith I still have issued I have not completely resolved. Of course, these come in the form of consequences of my past actions which were not in accordance to the way of God. Knowing that well, I believe I deserve to suffer, but then again God comforts me with the knowledge that He gives me strength to endure and carry on even as I stumble and fall in this race called living.

A very good observation I made about myself is that I am given the chance to exercise great dependence on God, and Him alone...especially these past few days. Kasi sa totoo lang, natural sa akin bilang tao ang magmarunong. I think I can do it with smarts, logic...weighing situations myself. But without God's wisdom, what is my basis to say that something is better than the other? I realize through my humbling trials that I should not attempt to be my own person because it's just going to get ugly. This life is not about me- it's all about the one who created me. I should be grateful for the chances of waking up everyday which he gives me to do things in his glory.

Related to this is faith. Faith simply means believing without seeing. In my limited mind I tend to challenge the verity of matters, even God and his word at times. It's about time I realized that 1) I simply cannot know the answer to everything- that's reserved for the omniscient one (kaya nga siya lang yung may title, di ba). 2) Since I don't know a lot of things, especially with God, I should study the word and meditate upon it day and night. 3) In things I cannot find answers to, there is faith to hold on to. I may not see the answers, but I trust that God has answers, and that should be enough for me.

Faith should not waver even in the face of adversity. Faith should not crumble at once when faced with the unknown. Instead, faith should be more firm and steadfast when challenged by anyone or anything, at any given situation, just because we know for sure that the God we worship is more powerful and more knowledgeable than anyone or anything- kaya nga siya God eh.

I pray that as I grow through life I would grow in faith.