Back pain

I am having back pain at the moment- and pain in my backside. Seriously. Hahaha. It must have been the prolonged sitting, squatting, or maybe the book report I had been trying to finish. Anyway...

I feel so bad about my inferiority as a Christian. I feel sorry for not being a better person- I think I'm deteriorating spiritually. Which is why I know more than ever that I must act upon this dilemma- and fast. I thank God for highlighting this weakness of mine. If not I won't be so aware as I am now, right? So there.

Just this Friday night I had my evening meet with Yani. I miss our one-on-one sessions around Dapitan when the lights come low in the form of postlamps and when there isn't much nursing matters to share but nutrition (food!). Nandun kami kahapon sa Time Cafe. After a long long moment of decision-making, we both opted for the sisig. Nice way to improve health, student nursies. Hahaha. At dahil nagccrave si Yani we also bought cheese fries. Now honestly I don't like fries as much as she does but it's nice to eat when it's a desire to fulfill, hehehe.

I feel the pressure of an undone project today. I know I'm not supposed to be thinking too much of something like that while busy with another project, but here...I'm thinking about it. And as I am done with the first project, I'm now thinking if I should proceed with the next or sleep instead. Hmm...

Kaninang umaga I was in room 224, engaging in a very delightful scriptwriting workshop with a couple of ABs, who seemed very impressed with our showcased talent, which they had a gracious chance of witnessing in our extempore plot formations, etcetera. I now have a script to work on for the next two weeks. Let's see how it turns out- in the office or in the dumpster. Hahaha. Or worse, we might need an autoclave...hahahahaha.

On other news, my adversary leaves for Bangkok today at around 2pm, but not before calling me up the night before his flight off:

• Jrep: So anong gusto mo? (referring to pasalubong)
• Ako: Malay, ewan, I don't even like the question. Ano bang meron dun?
• Jrep: *thinks* Wala.
• Ako: Nakapunta ka na ba doon?
• Jrep: Oo.
• Ako: So ano ngang meron?
• Jrep: *thinks* Wala. (talk about repetition) Hmm...meron, spicy food...di naman pwede, pagkain un eh. Elepante...sige yun na lang.
• Ako: Ay nako wag na, di ko na kailangan nun. Anjan ka naman eh.

Wahahaha...

I hate to say it, but I'm feeling the cold coming through.
What illness is this? Seems like no meds will do
Just then it hits me- I realize...I'm missing you.
And then I ask next...

I'm missing who?

Hahahahahahahahaha okok I need to post and get off this lunacy chair...NOW.

happy birthday mark- belated na

Wala lang, just posted this for my amusement. :) Hehehe. I love them all. Happy birthday mark. Kahit belated hahaha.

Anyway at the moment andito sa bahay si rep. Hahaha. Nagpapa-epal na naman. Di naman welcome ito pero sige na, nakapasok, weh di ba welcome poor strangers so, hahahaha...

Fine, I invited him...ayun. Hehehe.

Bulgaran Activity

It is funny how a moment in one's life can change everything that's coming next. I am quite certain that all of us can relate to this in varying degrees. I say this by my experience today, which I feel I am not quite over with yet. Perhaps it will be one of those fond memories which I will find myself reminiscing under a deep moonlit night- a far better replacement of an ugly memory which finally sizzles and melts into the dark background forever.

Background: In order to address the problem of 'division' in our batch, my concerned adviser planned a most revealing afternoon for all of us after her lecture today. And so we did...

Personal Impression: At first I was not too excited about it, being the negativist that I was, naturally. I was plagued with the feeling that it won't work since people might just ridicule it and go on with the course of things as part of the class activity. But the events that took place later on had me swallowing up all that I thought about it, hehehe, siyempre. Just goes to show that the most exciting things sometimes come as surprises in the weirdest settings.

The Activity Proper: At Alex's suggestion, we passed a piece of bond paper each with our names on it, and in 30 seconds we would write down what we think of each other. In the end the goal is to have the whole class write down their feelings about each other all in every bond paper.

My Change of Heart: At first I was still uncertain of how much to write, for I was clearly not into the said activity. But then when I caught a few glimpses of Ody's transparent messages on the paper sheets being passed on to me, I eventually resolved to take this rare opportunity to heart and write down as I felt.

Mostly I wrote yearnings of friendship for those whom I haven't had a chance to get to know, and for those I experienced being hurt with, I wrote simply that and ended up with the assurance that it's all in the past and that I wanted to be good friends with them. Of course to my special friends I had mushy messages scribbled messily with love in green ink. :) An option to remain anonymous was open, but I didn't take it, feeling confident enough to show myself as is.

Result: Most wrote about me being such a good writer and artist. Some even wrote to say that I was mabait and caring and sweet and...some things I didn't think they would say about me. My first college friend ever, si Kat, reminded me of her friendship with me no matter what (awww to the nth level!!!). Another, a guy (Jam!), unexpectedly gave me the awws upon his mention of me teaching him a song in the guitar, which happened during the first year. And he remembers? Wow...

On the flip side there's that infamous 'malas girl' which some people think I am (Alex! Tadz!). Another called me a feminist (who are you)...yes, but that's just so shallow, coz frankly I no longer am. Someone reminded me to come on time on duty days so I would not have to make up for lost time (hehehe, Josh). I was overwhelmed with the sincerity that everyone showed.

The Speeches: I made a speech, thanking all of them in class. But I was really struck with Sai's speech about the division in class. I have to salute her for that. I hugged her tightly after that session for her courageous voice. I also have to say that Minnie really suprised me with so much force- she actually stood up! I felt my chest swelling with pride as she spoke, with no pretense and yet having that ounce of respect for the people whom she has issues with.

I was affected so much by the stand of Jords when she expressed her personal feelings regarding the comments given. I was compelled to talk with her heart-to-heart after the session, especially when she mentioned to me through the note-passing that she wanted to see more than my crazy and positive sides. I had to stop and think for a moment about it.

The Moment of Truth: Something about the event of enlightenment (which turned out to be an obvious success for almost everybody) compelled me to speak to my circle of friends and tell them my deepest, darkest secret. Yes, you read me right- Peach has a deep dark secret, hahaha...shhh! (Yeah right...) Anyway wala lang, to summarize I just held them all by the hand and told them something which rendered me completely vulnerable to them forever. Hahaha. Ewan, alam naman niyo ko, emo girl at napaka-sensitive, kahit nagmumukhang stone age pa (aka batman- bato na manhid pa, according to Miss Aguilar of SJ whom I met on the way tonight). I felt so happy and complete to have lost that last part of me which I've been holding on to for the longest time. I did not expose myself to bring about chaos- I simply gave myself the chance to trust my friends in the highest form I know of. In return, I hope they feel and know that I love them- this I perhaps underscore in this profound revelation of mine tonight.

Free Hugs: Hugs came freely after the activity. I will never forget my bes taking me into a hug, but not before calling me, "My best friend..." in the process. It was a perfectly endearing moment for me to keep for life. Sana alam niyang he means so much to me.

Ok. Enough said, hahaha. I want to do my stuff, especially my bro's book report on some Shakespearean comedy. I want to express my yearning for Ahia Andrew, Tif and Bech. Somehow I wish we can spend time together this week...hmm...ay, at isa pa, sana matuloy pala kami ng labas ni Jrepaps ko, lam ko malaki na utang ko dun sa gimmick time, coz I always find a way to blow his plans with me when we go out. Hahahaha. Sorry ba...it's me, with the strict sched, limitations, and yeah- there's my mother to note as well, hahahaha.

This is my latest matinong pic just a week before my dreadful exam week. Hahaha. Anyway...

I miss my sj friends...si Bern, Shuri, Tif, Therese, Hersch, si Pau, si Qua, si Jodi, si Os, si Jep...even si Jonathan. Hay.

I feel that I should rest. Also read the word and see what God has to say. And maybe spend time with my sj friends. Wala naman kaming prob ni rep kasi lagi naman kami nagkikita, nakakasawa nang mang-away, hahahaha (yeah right).

Sa nursing friends ko, actually nadadagdagan sila, especially from the lower years, si Theresa and si Jay. Si Mervs occasionally nangungulit, which is definitely a good stress reliever especially during the exams...

Sa mga gorgeous birds, well I occasionally talk with Jo but I dearly miss having lots of good times with him. Si Mark lagi ko namang kasama, siyempre kasangga ko yan, sort of. And of course with Yani we are a triad, although I have to say na iba nga ang triad na yan sa individual relationship ko with each of them. I would say napamahal na silang dalawa sa kin nang ibang lebel...awww, hahaha. Pati rin naman si Sigh, Jords, Julie, and KR, pero of course I think getting close to them requires more time to spend...

This Week:

Aside from my first third year exams, this week has really been a very trying week for me. I am glad I resolved it after 24 hours, although of course andun ang remnants of regret...pero ok na ko. :)

Next Week:

Tests. Cell regrouping. My double date with Rep and my Aunt on Wednesday. Let's see what happens...SONA!!!

A Sit-down:

I just have to write this down. I was tasked by my Socio prof to do a report on the status of the soldiers of today. And the fearful speaker that I was I asked her if I could do a movie instead. Honestly I have never done one because I have this serious notion that only hopeless nonartists can't do projects nicely without media help. So this was definitely a biggie for me.

I studied the program in three days, gathered all my pics from the net outside (kasi nawalang ng net during the time I was working on this), and worked on it. The result was a big very good from sister vinoya, my prof, which meant a lot because we all know her for being strict and her high standards in requirements (woo-hoo).

Ayun. I was not expecting to take the subject matter seriously, but I was really alarmed when I found out the salary of a military combantant here in out country: P240.00...a month!!!

Which is why I support the bill Trillanes is passing- to make that bit of an 'incentive' bigger, like maybe P60-P120 a day or something...go go senator, do it legally and you'll get through...

Ay, basta. No wonder the soldiers don't mind going wild sometimes when the time calls for it. For example, the Oakwood mutiny was actually because of their allegation that the government sold war weapons to the enemies (MILF).

Ay, and another mark of corruption here- I'm sure that you guys have been seeing news of many mariners getting killed, and 10 of them getting beheaded due to a rescue operation in attempt of getting the priest Giancarlo Bossi out of Basilan. Well, the reason- well, let's say it's a factor- that they lost the fight that way is because the mortars they got from the storage in the base are all defective. They had to hurry and change them so that they can fight.

And in whose time the defects were bought- now that's the question they are supposed to answer now so someone will pay...let the government do the investigation.

And come to think of it...just something funny I read out of a blog: bakit naman hindi papalpak kung ang pinuno palpak rin? :P

And He Will Always Take My Heart Away

Sometimes I believe I understand the ultimate meaning and purpose of life in my relationship with God. But on the other hand, when darkness tolls in...I tend to feel blank...like an imbecile in things. (Which shouldn't be the case if I just take my daily dose of the Word, grr...)

As I am feeling that way now I cannot help but ask within myself, 'What exactly have I gotten myself into?' (By this I refer to my immature relationship with God.)

I guess I will forever wonder about that. I will always have my doubts, my imperfections, my blunders, my weird moments with him. I will still be hurt, still cry, still get frustrated with him...yet still love and be loved so much more in return.

With all the hardships I have on a regular basis I feel like giving up and just leading a wasted life like most of us. But on the other hand I don't ever want to lose sight of him- which can happen so easily with the glimmer of worldly glory or the intimidating troubles in the wind.

Ay. I'm being such a reflective being here. I want to rest. And meditate on the word as I should. I need nourishment. I need to know what God wants. I'm sure what I'm doing is not so fine for him...

The Death Rattle and The Death March XP

OK, fine, so I'm using hyperbole...but I feel like being like the people around me, supposedly dreading the coming (or rather present) monthly exams which started haunting us today for real.

But whatever I do I'm not troubled at all. Marahil hindi kasi nag-aral, hahaha. Nah, maybe I'm just not into the hardship, yokong magpakatoxic??? Hmm...kanina natapos na ang med-surg exams namin, major subject so that's a pretty big hurdle for me...yeah. Later mga 1 hour 10 mins pa I'm going to take my socio exam, and probably go home early (sana) with pedia and lit up next for tomorrow's challenge...

I'm very happy about my current state, got rested, better health (?), and much better well-being. Yeah, sure I got my sniffles (sabi ng mga berkie friends ko dito sa college it's a case of trangkaso?), but that's only due to my groupmate KR (hahahaha nanghawa) having it and passing the virus to me while I was very susceptible to it. Ewan. Hahahaha.

Pero recently talaga I made the resolution of prioritizing my basic health needs for the good of my body functioning (example, sleep enough over toxic full-blast studying at night). Kasi it's health that's our true form of wealth in this lifetime, not the income that we get or the success that comes with high grades at the cost of it. Di ba? Kasi hindi naman na tayo magiging bata uli, and 18 is the starting age for deterioration, mind you...and I'm certainly over the limit...hahahaha.

But of course as always I can't wait for the week to be over so I can go and sleep all I want, play all I want and read the LOTR books for Lit, go malling with Rep perhaps, and maybe catch a movie or go play tennis again while at my relaxed state. Come on, I won't be a college stud forever, especially not after my nursing course...

OK, I already spent 9 minutes here when I'm supposed to be studying and memorizing the social encyclicals (Rerum Novarum...ring any bells?) and their dates, the popes who created them...for my exam later at 2:30. Hahaha. Apparently I'm not so into it as I am here in the religious section of the lib, using the net, and...hm, blogging. Wahaha. Aw well.

Before I go (yaaaa it's 10 mins na) and read notes na, just want to say Josh Groban's song 'When You Say You Love Me' is just...wah, great. :) Check it out if you will!

Whoever reads this, loveyah, and God bless you. Pray and stay in line with His principles and you'll never go wrong. :)

A daughter's decision, a bored hype, and a new landing

I slept at 12 last night and woke up at 2pm next day. 14 hours of sleep should have given me the headache and my typical 'overslept' tantrums, but today it didn't. Maybe because I was tired, and I needed to get back in shape with that kind of slumber. Good thing that it's not only my physical that got worked up. My spiritual appetite got active too, as I had time for God upon waking up on a lazy sunday like this.

But I felt a stirring dissatisfaction within me as I got up. God wants me to do something fast. It's my duty to my father, whom I used to call my hopeless case, but this time, with faith and trust in Him who can do anything, I wonder how to accomplish this assignment without failing. I hope to finish it before he's finished. Won't be discussing this morbidity, as most people find this topic...unsavory for casual tackling. (Kung si Mark nga nadisturb in the way I talked of it...)

Ewan. Hahaha. Anyway chumibog pala ako ng sisig, sardines, pusit, and egg for my dinner-bfast-lunch (kasi kagabi di ako kumain, and I slep round-the-clock pa). Bad bad habit for someone who calls herself a health advocate, hmm.

A bored girl's trip:

Kahapon pala iniwan na ko ng mga classmates ko to go get themselves set for my groupie Tadz's post-19th birthday party. So ayun, alone ako. At dahil di naman ako pwedeng umuwi mag-isa, ayun, I wandered off again for the nth time. I took my time off and went to san laazaro sm to play dancemania all by myself. Siguro nga ganyan ako sumpongin pag naiiwang walang magawa, hehehe.

I met three frequenters of that machine- si Jasper and his cuz Andrew from Perpetual, both second-year student nursies, and John, who's got his second year IT course at his college in QAve. It was rather heartwarming and comforting to have them around me while we were waiting for our respective turns to dance.

Besides the 4 tokens I put in for tekken4 just before the dance, I finished off 5 tokens with a huge crowd buildup behind me (siguro Saturday lang kasi, o siguro iniisip nila, sino tong naka-costume na ito (coz I was in my duty uniform) na nagkakalat dito? hehehe)- and went off sweating (and losing my face? hahahaha). It was relaxing for me. Then just in time I could already go home na pala with my mama.

The freelance writer:

Ayun. Ay, btw, I got my first real job as an online writer (or something like that)...smalltime, siyempre, but I want some writing experience for a divertional activity, so there. Fact is, my daily allowance is about thrice bigger than what they offer, but then I'm in for the activity, so bahala na, I'm doing it. :) Of course di dapat malaman ni inay kasi alam ko ayaw niya itong mga balak ko na ito, as it could distract me daw sa focus ko sa pag-aaral. We'll see.

For now I have to pull myself away from this blog vortex...I need to make my 2-page reaction paper na, pronto! For tomorrow. Si Tiff nga wawa eh, saw her stat just kanina, it's got all papers assignment written on it. Kumusta naman...hahahaha. Sige na, got to go...