Just last Saturday, Jrep, Bech, Bequa, Pau, Andrew, Tela and I had a chance to celebrate Bech and Bequa's graduation by going out together to eat dinner at The Spiral at Sofitel, courtesy of Auntie (Bech's mami). On the way, Jrep Tela and I were tasked to grab a bottle of Bailey's for the festivities of the grad girls (at Pau's prompting, sa 7-11 daw meron kaya naghanap naman kami).
7:30-8:00pm
Jrep (driving): Ui, san ba may malapit na 7-11 dito?
Tela: (instructions): Jan kaliwa ka meron jan...
*after 2 7-11's and still no Bailey's...
Me: Tara, let's go...late na tayo...nakakahiya sa mama ni Bech.
Tela: Mukhang wala na tayong madadaanan na 7-11. Sa Blue Wave kaya?
Me: Sige try natin dun...
Jrep: Kung wala talaga, dun na tayo sa MOA (Mall of Asia) bumili.
Tela: May 7-11 ba dun?
...
*silence...then laughter*
Me: Hindeee, sa supermarket!
Wahahahaha.
You go Tela!!!^^ Hahahahaha!
....
Which now reminds me of a time when I and my RLE mates back in my UST days were talking at Rosarito St. (perpendicular to Dapitan) with servings of tusok-tusok and bottles of carbon, sucrose and water...
*musing about going away on a trip to Laguna...*
Me: Eh pano yung budget? Magkano ba kailangan?
Chloe: Yung place libre na yun, papaalam ko lang...
Kat: *joke mode* tsaka yung pagkain e di magluto na lang tayo, yung tulad nung surprise bday party ni Alex, yung puro Best Buy...
*laughter*
(baka ang ibig mong sabihin SM Bonus...anong kakainin natin, intermediate pad?!)
Wahahaha.
I miss my RLE mates...
Pinalalayas na ako (again). Hehehehe.
Yesternight I cried myself to sleep in a dark room. (For those who know me, I don't even have to tell you how uncomf I feel sleeping with lights out.) I guess even sleep or the dark can't hide you from the reality of conflict. And heartache.
Nevertheless, life is getting better for me, I should say. Much of my common life rantings are scribbled away in my journal and God knows how much I can rant. But the more important thing for me is to know always above every oppression and every hurtful word uttered against me that God is my security- and nothing else!
Oo, masakit na awayin ka dahil nagbabasa ka ng bibliya (kailangan ko nga magbasa kasi likas na salbahe ako), dahil hindi mo magawang ibahin ang istilo ng buhay mo na maiayon sa alam mong mali, na isisi sa iyo ang kaibahan mo sa lahat (hindi daw nakakasimba yung mga tao dahil sa akin)...na mapagalitan at mapaiyak ka kasi pilit kang pinipigilang magkaganoon (nagbabasa ng bibliya na alam mo namang pareho lang sa binabasa nila (yung kanila nga yung may dagdag), pero kahit na daw, mali pa rin daw yon)...na halos isumpa ka dahil sa isang natatanging desisyon na hindi nila mabago (Sabi niya, "pinalaki kitang katoliko, tapos ganyan ka na ngayon!" -wala naman akong sinabi kundi Kristiyano ako).
...
Ewan.
Alam mo nay, mahal kita pero tulad ng sabi ko, iyan ang isang bagay na hindi ko isususko. Sabihin mo nang lagi kitang kinokontra sa lahat (hindi ko talaga alam saan naggaling yan)... hala, sige tatahimik na lang ako. Pero sana naman pagdating sa bagay na iyan matutunan mo naman akong igalang. Tsaka ano ba...you get so angry with me reading the bible...why not read it and tell me, just tell me- what's so wrong with it? Pinapalayas mo ko dahil nagbabasa ako ng bibliya? Oh, come on...
Hay shhh...Maglalaba pa ko.
Like I told you, life is more beautiful...because despite the tears, I know being a Christian is worth it. And thanks to my ma for making me realize that.
Nevertheless, life is getting better for me, I should say. Much of my common life rantings are scribbled away in my journal and God knows how much I can rant. But the more important thing for me is to know always above every oppression and every hurtful word uttered against me that God is my security- and nothing else!
Oo, masakit na awayin ka dahil nagbabasa ka ng bibliya (kailangan ko nga magbasa kasi likas na salbahe ako), dahil hindi mo magawang ibahin ang istilo ng buhay mo na maiayon sa alam mong mali, na isisi sa iyo ang kaibahan mo sa lahat (hindi daw nakakasimba yung mga tao dahil sa akin)...na mapagalitan at mapaiyak ka kasi pilit kang pinipigilang magkaganoon (nagbabasa ng bibliya na alam mo namang pareho lang sa binabasa nila (yung kanila nga yung may dagdag), pero kahit na daw, mali pa rin daw yon)...na halos isumpa ka dahil sa isang natatanging desisyon na hindi nila mabago (Sabi niya, "pinalaki kitang katoliko, tapos ganyan ka na ngayon!" -wala naman akong sinabi kundi Kristiyano ako).
...
Ewan.
Alam mo nay, mahal kita pero tulad ng sabi ko, iyan ang isang bagay na hindi ko isususko. Sabihin mo nang lagi kitang kinokontra sa lahat (hindi ko talaga alam saan naggaling yan)... hala, sige tatahimik na lang ako. Pero sana naman pagdating sa bagay na iyan matutunan mo naman akong igalang. Tsaka ano ba...you get so angry with me reading the bible...why not read it and tell me, just tell me- what's so wrong with it? Pinapalayas mo ko dahil nagbabasa ako ng bibliya? Oh, come on...
Hay shhh...Maglalaba pa ko.
Like I told you, life is more beautiful...because despite the tears, I know being a Christian is worth it. And thanks to my ma for making me realize that.
My 501st entry
Yey...it's been a good blogging year again...
For my 501st entry I am pouring my heart out here with a piece from my journal which I feel is my best so far in a long time...
xxx-Unsaid-xxx
02.09.10
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
Like,
I wish I could see you once again
And perhaps a smile can let it begin:
The love and joy we had before
While repainting our canvas of dreams in store.
We’d stroll all day like there’s no tomorrow,
Give in to any dare like there’s no saying no,
Play dancing from mild mode to wild to extreme,
Then sit for iced frappes with extra whipped cream.
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
Like,
I wish again you could stroke my hair
And make me feel loved in the depth of your stare,
Give a message of cheer, or hold my hand
Or best make a lousy poem of your brand.
Or no, don’t give me any of such romantic warmth,
Just love me beyond words and hold my heart,
And the promises you made of a friendship for life,
And the truth that I love you for all of my life.
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
Like,
I wish I had heard me singing today
And felt the entire message I had to convey.
I wish I knew then how it was to disobey,
Then I might have refused to let my convictions sway,
Prevented wrong emotions to come into play,
And saw you as you are- my source of dismay,
Then I won’t be slow dancing as the damsel in despair,
Nursing a heart that’s almost beyond repair.
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
Like,
I wish I could turn around and ask you why
Why lure the tears to come with a beautiful lie?
And one random day, just leave me behind
With this lie which caused me to lose my mind?
To this day this nightmare is what I know.
If this isn’t real, come back, says so!
Come back and undo this unbelief,
Free me from these chains of my deepest grief!
You know I’d still have you if you’d come back around,
You know I’d still have you if you’d come back around,
If you’d turn around and hold your ground.
If not, don’t come back and paint everything red,
For I’d rather have the truth- and these words unsaid.
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
Yes,
I’d rather bleed and write and bleed
Than to run back to the lie that you’re all that I need.
I’d rather hurt now than feel deceptively free,
As I know who’s at fault- it’s you and me:
You for knowing less than the best,
Me for meaning to flunk this test.
You for knowing my lover’s touch,
Me for meaning to love you too much.
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
And,
I wish I could make this wrong go right,
But how can I when you’re out of sight?
I wish you would have me back again,
But…love’s not caring every now and then.
Perhaps run after me once you’ve grown up..?
But if we’ve grown up, then…I might say, ‘Stop.’
In the dark and the quiet of my soul
Etched therein a cold black hole.
Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,
Within this solitude I choose to hide:
The songs unsung, the words unsaid,
The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.
Sometimes I yearn as a desert longs for rain,
To ask how you are…and forget the pain.
See, I love you still…but, ah…forget the game-
You’d still love me…and leave me…just the same.
Now don’t come back and paint everything red,
I’d rather have the truth- and these words unsaid.
Bright Lights Ahead
Just a while ago, I was immersed in my own thought of the past. I thought of my mistakes, my failures...and supposed...
What if I didn't make those mistakes?
What if I did it all right?
or...
What if I could go back and undo the ropes?
...
I know in my experience that I ought to put a stop to this useless exercise and continue on to the future, putting aside the things I can't change. And so I'm diverting this by writing and saying it out to dii. So far, here's the insight I have:
I took a look at my pending readables (courtesy of Ptr. Sur)...and to my astonishment, it contained a persisting message which I've been getting for the past few days:
(Jer. 29: 11-14)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you."
...
I guess I am afraid of the future. But as Zion and I talked of... God is our security.
Here are a few more notes on this-
1. face the consequences of our little mistakes- accept!
2. develop the discernment to stay within the path of righteousness
3. learn full dependence on God
4. live on! yaaaahhh!
*Be careful not to write your own scripts- do not assume that what you have in mind is exactly what God wants.
And now, I shall sleep.^^
What if I didn't make those mistakes?
What if I did it all right?
or...
What if I could go back and undo the ropes?
...
I know in my experience that I ought to put a stop to this useless exercise and continue on to the future, putting aside the things I can't change. And so I'm diverting this by writing and saying it out to dii. So far, here's the insight I have:
I took a look at my pending readables (courtesy of Ptr. Sur)...and to my astonishment, it contained a persisting message which I've been getting for the past few days:
(Jer. 29: 11-14)
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you."
...
I guess I am afraid of the future. But as Zion and I talked of... God is our security.
Here are a few more notes on this-
1. face the consequences of our little mistakes- accept!
2. develop the discernment to stay within the path of righteousness
3. learn full dependence on God
4. live on! yaaaahhh!
*Be careful not to write your own scripts- do not assume that what you have in mind is exactly what God wants.
And now, I shall sleep.^^
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