*slap on forehead and gasp*
I can't believe I posted something like that!!!! NOT RIGHT!!! It's one of my deep issues!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Aw well...explain ko. Nung isang gabi I was up, very late, dawn na nga eh. Groggy na ko but I still wanted to write, so bale loose tongue na ko nun.
I wrote two entries before rolling off to Peachie's dreamland. One of which...is this: (might as well reveal it here, tutal nahubaran na ko niyan...)
http://anniline.multiply.com/journal/item/4/Confusing_darkness
And I feel suckish. (Passive na nga kasi now ko lang narealize uli after reviewing it.) This issue is one of those things I avoid talking about kasi feeling ko ang babaw (though sa kin malalim). Especially with my classmates in college who make me feel this way.
Ah, I feel so bad..! Silly peach..! *Hits head with keyboard*
But then again...maybe ok na rin yun. People have said I trust too easily and that I make myself to vulnerable, but the thing is...I keep secrets pa pala. Though honestly, most of those secrets I keep, unconscious, kasi nasanay lang ako sigurong, I have it there, so let it be...
Ah, what a pain-in-my-@$$ mystery...even I don't know myself that well...
Woozy after a dawn websurfin'
I woke up with the sun shining down on me from the window...nice, if you ask me. But I feel woozy.
Hurt
Do my eyes betray me as I speak?
Is there a clue you fail to seek
In the way you make me feel?
Oh, you made it seem all real
You could have just shown more mercy
You could have just snapped and killed me
But the worst is here with me
You got me good...I cannot flee
You already made me believe
That this love would never leave
And now, after all the curtains drop
How do you make it stop?
When already I am down and helpless, feeling absurd
When already I am defenseless and deeply hurt
I wish I can snap from sense and kill you
If not for the fact that I'm afraid to lose you
Sweet nothings
I am rather enjoying my first...no, make that second day (since it's 1:52 am already) of my sem break. Although of course, as it is normal in my passivity to ignore the fact of 'you-can-relax-now' while it stares at me in the face...I am still experiencing the jitters of 'I-have-work-to-do'.
Ah. Well. Hard to break a habit once it gets to you. Meanwhile I have an radiograph and some physical handling to expect this monday, plus a movie to direct in time with the college's annual film fest. And yeah, there's that thorn of a 16-hour babe-bathin', cord-cuttin', suction-me-fast-you-idiot duty happening on Oct 30 and 31. Great timing, considering that all of us in my Ma's side of the clan are supposed to be up in Baguio then for another get-together wherin we hope to have a full attendance for the first time. Aw yeah. Just great.
Yes, I am being ironic. Bitter. Whatever. Maybe I'm even sounding like Dr. House. Speaking of which, his passionate indifference makes me want to be an RN MD all the more. How sentimental, making it big in the exploitation of sick people, ah life. Hahaha.
Ay...I know I should sleep. My cells are going against me. They all want me down. I say shut up. But of course, they can't. And I don't want them to, of course. While I'm alive, of course. And awake, so most of them can't rest. And writing this blog entry down to remind me of stuff and add more words to this heartnotes collection. How sad. My bro thinks it's pathetic. I say it's therapeutic. But I may be wrong. Must be an act of self-pleasuring, which can't be wrong on my side of the bed, but can be wrong on the other. And a million places like the ward. Who knows...
And since this is my first entry since I had decided to get my hands dirty with what normal people call 'work,' I might as well blab in my personal space and in the process do a recap. And a short one.
Lots have changed. Most of the changes occured in me. I'm not getting any younger. I wish my heart was. As it should strive to be.
There. Recap over. And successfully short. Now before my laugh trip tomorrow with my fellas in moa, let me just take a journey called 'sleep.' And perhaps I can hope for a good stay at REM stage while I'm at it...
Ah. Well. Hard to break a habit once it gets to you. Meanwhile I have an radiograph and some physical handling to expect this monday, plus a movie to direct in time with the college's annual film fest. And yeah, there's that thorn of a 16-hour babe-bathin', cord-cuttin', suction-me-fast-you-idiot duty happening on Oct 30 and 31. Great timing, considering that all of us in my Ma's side of the clan are supposed to be up in Baguio then for another get-together wherin we hope to have a full attendance for the first time. Aw yeah. Just great.
Yes, I am being ironic. Bitter. Whatever. Maybe I'm even sounding like Dr. House. Speaking of which, his passionate indifference makes me want to be an RN MD all the more. How sentimental, making it big in the exploitation of sick people, ah life. Hahaha.
Ay...I know I should sleep. My cells are going against me. They all want me down. I say shut up. But of course, they can't. And I don't want them to, of course. While I'm alive, of course. And awake, so most of them can't rest. And writing this blog entry down to remind me of stuff and add more words to this heartnotes collection. How sad. My bro thinks it's pathetic. I say it's therapeutic. But I may be wrong. Must be an act of self-pleasuring, which can't be wrong on my side of the bed, but can be wrong on the other. And a million places like the ward. Who knows...
And since this is my first entry since I had decided to get my hands dirty with what normal people call 'work,' I might as well blab in my personal space and in the process do a recap. And a short one.
Lots have changed. Most of the changes occured in me. I'm not getting any younger. I wish my heart was. As it should strive to be.
There. Recap over. And successfully short. Now before my laugh trip tomorrow with my fellas in moa, let me just take a journey called 'sleep.' And perhaps I can hope for a good stay at REM stage while I'm at it...
It's all about priority setting
Pau's text made me somehow yearn for the days to move quickly...
But wait- I still have exams...
Apparently the pressures of third year nursing is getting to me.
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