Yes, you read right.
*blows a psycholocial red whistle* Now, for those of you who can't take fowl language (I meant that glitch), feminism, full-blown Your-Peachness ranting and the like (you got that right), better stay by these gates and click the back button for your mental well-being (which I strongly suggest you maintain).
Ah, still here...I figured only a few would be so sensible as to follow my suggestion (duh, where's sanity these days anyway?).
But it's your call. We all have choices. Hmph. Let's see where this goes...I haven't done this in a long long while. But I'm breaking my silence.
This is what I call the exposure of The Dirty Peach. (It can mean two ways.)
I'm ranting. Real bad. And this can get as ugly as it can. (Coming from me, believe me that's something.)
This has been a long-standing argument between two sides of my brain (yeah, I still got it, though I occasionally lose it!). I just don't get it with the traditional and local household in general (I have to add this, as a safety net in case someone comes firing at me later). What is it with guys not doing chores and girls having to do them all the time?! (Now, I'm speaking by experience and I warned you that this is gonna get bad!) What is it with guys not needing to learn how to do the laundry, sweep the floor, wash dishes, cook, mop...when the girls need to learn how to do them all right?! What is it with me always taking the responsibility to see that all's well and tidy in the house just because it's me who's held liable for any unwashed plate or any missed poop of Lebron (yes, I'm the cleanup girl who makes sure there's none lying on the floor)? What's there with guys that house rulers find it ok to overlook any chore they don't do (that means all!!!) and take it all out on me when I miss a few?
Ah, yeah...somehow I've thought that maybe it's in the birth order.. But there's four of us. And sometime I thought that maybe it's in the favoritism order. Well yeah, I know I'm not the most likeable kid in this whole wide world, much less this family, but again, there's four of us and I am singled out. Why am I singled out? Hmmm...and the question comes...
What do they have that I don't have?
Ah, yes...the unfortunate woe of Peach returns (teachnically it was never away...kinda trying to push the idea back in my head but it surfaces when this kind of dilemma comes to me). I know it's something I have to accept but there are times I just can't help but this of the million what ifs.
What if by nature I had a penis?
Yeah, laugh laugh...like my good friend Jonreph always does when I rant on my silly childhood wish of wanting to become a guy (yes, you read it right!). Gusto kong maging lalaki. Yeah, even I find it funny, but not the underlying reason that follows it. I just think that maybe if I become a guy I'd do better in most things. I'd be physically stronger (whatever with the 'weaker sex'), I won't need to be told to fix my hair (yeah, it's sticking out in all directions, so what), sit properly (grr), dress to impress (I don't even sweat to impress, baby) or act prim (I am NOT!). If I were born with MALE typed in on my birth certificate, I won't be prevented from learning how to drive (yes, they said I can't coz I'm a girl), get my license (it follows), go commuting as necessary (I'm 20 and I'm still banned, come on), go out with my friends at night or several times in a month (it's always limited to once in a blue moon- my friends will testify!), be linked to my guy friends (this is when troubles come), and of course- perhaps I wouldn't be told off as much when I say no to sweeping the floor, washing dishes, doing the laundry...those...spiteful chores! Arrrgghhh!!!
Yes, this is me talking. Sometimes, with all the male dominance overwhelming me, I wish I had a penis- the proof of manhood. With these discriminations, I see it as a license I can just flash on anyone (if I had it) and I get my better way of things (not being an exhibitionist, haha, no- but that's how I see it with my case). Kung pwede lang sana, eh di hindi na ko nasasabihan ng, 'kasi babae ka,' everytime I'd ask why I'm not entitled to certain rights related to those I've mentioned. That way I would perhaps enjoy more freedom and get the most out of my gender. Grrr male dominance! Grrr women who allow this to prevail! Grrr those males who can't do chores right and depend on women to do it all for them! Grrr those housewives who marry to be lifetime slaves to men who make such a scheme to maintain lifelong house help!
Aaaaaaarrgghhh!!! Screw you all bastards! I can do better than most of you! Even if I'm one organ short of it!
They say life's a bitch. I say it can be a bastard to me.
And don't ever tell me I didn't warn you (I DID!). XO
*OK, stop. Now, this is all a crammed knapsack of emotions I've earned just a few hours ago while washing all the dishes in the sink. Thankfully this isn't as bad as kanina if I had actually written my ranting as is.*
Believe me, I'm no feminist. I used to be one, but since I found out the proper arragement of things, I quit. I'm just feeling bad about being treated as the minor sex. Frankly, women are the weaker sex- but only physically, in general. Even before I ranted away I already knew the answers to my questions. I already know that it just isn't right to live with discontentment such as me, wanting to be a guy somehow because I think I'd do better with it.
Kasi may purpose si God bakit ako female. I can go on and on about my bizzarre ideas on 'I should be a guy' or 'the world would be better with...', but bottom line is, God is in control of everything no matter what. I should know- and accept the fact that I cannot change these natural instances which has long been planned for me. He's supposed to be Boss of my life, our lives, and any decision should go with His blueprint so that it'd go right.
By doing this rant, I know I'm kicking down a cadaver. I'm forever ranting to God how much I'd be better off being like my bros- becoming one of the boys. But does it ever change who I am? Well, no. But yeah, I am worse when I feel angry and refuse the believe in the reality that all these limitations, restrictions which I have as an influence of my current gender (yes, reality check)...it's all got purpose. There must be something behind it all that God is allowing them to go kahit unfair pa.
Somehow I got a nagging feeling that he just lets it be so that I'd grow in obedience and absolute trust in Him (I fight to do so). I still find it difficult to accept things I don't understand (like why I do chores, why I'm into nursing, why my father's one-armed, why I'm not flat-chested- yeah, I sometimes find myself wishing that!)...yes, perhaps...I'm in the process of learning that there are things I can never completely understand.
Well, isn't that the real essence of faith? 'Believing without seeing...' such is the meaning of faith. Kasi nga naman, kung ang lahat ng tanong may sagot...kung posibleng maunawaan ng tao ang lahat ng bagay dito sa mundo...then what's the point of having faith in the all-knowing God we know we can trust to eternity?
So fine...I'll accept growing up. After all, I'm such a bad ranter that God can simply dispel it all with, "Relax. Last time I checked, I'm still in control."
Hahahaha. Learn from my mistakes- my growing through life. Good pm.