No one can possibly fathom...

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Sunday:

I'm going to school for my review now. And why not...hahahaha. At nako, antoks na naman ang abot ko nito. Meanwhile, I woke up feeling sick with a headache...with 50 new messages in my phone which made me feel more sick...I'm feeling epigastric pain graded 5/10 upon standing, but relieved to almost 0/10 upon lying supine or prone.

Despite all this I drink about 250cc of pulpy orange juice from the fridge for breakfast. Crabby cure for the crazy crabby gal. *shivers with relief*

....

No one can possibly fathom the depths of my loneliness now. I am at the edge of my sanity, slipping off slowly with gravity like fine shifting sands in an egg timer. While I sit here taking every painful hit of circumstances and relishing the masochism in me, I feel that I am actually my own dementor, sucking out all the happiness in me. I am nothing but an empty shell now, wearing a carefree disposition, painted beautifully like an easter egg in the exterior, but inside...yes I know, I am bound to crack with such a vulnerability. Should I stay here and feel the pain as watch me die slowly? Or should I just accept the challenges of everyday living and anesthesize myself...while hemorrhaging to death? As a result of this confusion, I laugh. I cry. I laugh. I cry. What is happening? I don't know. It's even possible that I am fated to live alone, that no one can possibly bear living with me. It's possible that I am condemned to be my own best friend, and no one else's inspiration, no one else's useful teacher, no one else's pleasure, no one else's business...no one else's love, no one else's friend...above all this, I don't know. All I now is that no one can possibly fathom...
...