2 face-offs

I now know what scares me other than being thrown in a place where I know no one.

I went back to my old school to meet my SJ friends. Most of them greeted me with a friendly face. I was rather surpised when one of them- a very close friend of mine- asked for my assistance to help him cook a new recipe which he wanted to learn. Willingly I encouraged him to get on with in as I was ready to help him.

But as I asked for details on when and how I could help him...he suddenly became disinterested and soon left me without a word. I was hoping that he would come to his senses and return, but he didn't. It was as if I rejected him. But no, I really wanted to help him. Hayyy.

Later on...

I was sitting in a very small room where I sat down face-to-face with a person whom I consider dear to me. There was a single bed covered in white sheets on the right and a bathroom door behind him. Behind me was the exit door.

I was about to start talking with him when he suddenly had to excuse himself to go out. And out the door he went. While he was gone, I looked around and stealthily opened his wallet, expecting to see my picture.

My heart sank almost painfully as I found the space for pictures blank. I noticed a pile of pictures under one of the slits and in suspense started to browse them with a hand. I saw pictures of his many friends, but I could not find mine. I was feeling hurt by the moment. I did not understand how he could forget me in such a short time. I wanted to be remembered and cherished.

Just then I accidentally saw what looked like my picture well hidden in the opposite slit, but before I could check closely, my friend returned and I had to hastily rearrange the wallet.

He did not seem to notice anything. I did not bother asking him anything. As I was about to talk to him again, he excused himself to answer a call in front of me. Holding up a piece of paper with purple scribbles of computations and sitting on the floor before me, he told the caller, whom I also knew, "Pare, huwag ka nga magulo, makakasakit ka eh, hahahaha." Something like that. And he ended the call there to face me.

But before we could start discussing things, a girl with ruffled brown hair entered without knocking and went straight to the bathroom, but not before taunting him, "Matulog ka na lang kasi." Hahaha. To which he replied, "Ikaw ang matulog. Hahaha." And then another girl entered, whom I did not notice, but she also made for the bathroom and left as quickly as the first one did.

I looked at my friend, feeling hurt that he seemed to be taking me for granted with all these interruptions on my visit which was supposedly our bonding time together. I wanted to ask him a lot of questions, but the words would not come. I just sat there looking at him as he looked back with a passive expression on his face. I started to realize that I was making efforts to catch my breath as my chest started to hurt.

That's when I woke up, feeling my heart pumping fiercely against my chest. Tachycardia and tachypnea accompanied by substernal pain. I forced myself to breathe and regain full consciousness at once, for fear that I might have a heart attack if the stressful feeling of pain goes on.

Thus the fear of being...taken for granted..? Hehehe. I prayed for ease of physical symptoms and comfort of divine answers before I quickly composed this entry. I guess the Lord is presenting to me the challenge of putting my confidence in him and for my happiness to depend on him and his wonderful character and promises.

Well who wants to be forgotten anyway?^^ Hmmm...I ought to have more faith in the Love that will never leave me. Good morning!