But God is the boss of this cosmic show. And as the one who knows best around here, I ought to let him call the shots and take my cues from him. This is where the conflict comes in. My nature struggles against the restraint of steady faith and sure trust in the one whom we are always sure of.
One of my worst nightmares in this little lifetime is being domestic...stuck in a rut of tending the home, doing chores, washing dishes and delighting myself on a pile of laundry that never seems to disappear. Rest would include cooking, siesta and watching noontime shows and tear-jerker never-ending soaps. Well I can live alone and maintain my house, as long as I don't have to do solely those things. I want to be working outside the house too. Being stuck in a domestic routine burns me out more than any repetitive activity. Which is why I think I'm going to be a terrible mother. Hahaha.
Unfortunately in my condition now, especially with my career, God is telling me to put brakes on my impatience and wait on him.
What?! In denial, I haggle with him...though I know how futile this is... I'm 22, postgrad, a lot of life and opportunity ahead of me, licensed RN, lots of energy to spend on caring for patients and getting the much-awaited real-life action outside these walls...come on...when do you want me to begin, at thirty??!
But no. God wants me to wait.
I ask why...I told him I'll be waiting for his answer.
And I still don't get why I'm waiting.
After going round and round with rationalizing the incomprehensible, I just go back to the same (and only) clear reply I have for now: Trust God.
Grrr. Grrr. Venting my frustrations over unwashed dishes and the thawing batch of chicken wings that I'll have to cook for dinner, I fume over how I hate black holes in reasoning. But then fine, what other logical choice do I have but to wait on the Lord? I sense in such case how I am like a toddler, thrashing rebelliously on the lap of a parent who sees things better and saying NO and WAIT.
So fine, I will. Aaaa. This better be worth it, Lord.
...
Ah, what am I saying...this IS certainly worth it.
2 comments:
:-D
A blog entry full of faith. Hold on to what you're currently holding on --your "God-given faith"
May i suggest a good read. . .
Read about this person, who received a promise/dream from God when he was 17 years old, but has to wait SEVENTEEN YEARS before the promise/dream materialized. He had to spend all of his young years waiting. but when the time finally came for him to receive the promise --HE WAS READY
(GENESIS 37, 39, 40 ,41, 42 ,43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)
Good point! hehehehe. Sige I'll revisit that...
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