I love lebron ^^

"May Bukas Pa"

hehehe

A memoir I will keep forever

Standing here, in Your presence

Thinking of the good things You have done

Waiting here, patiently

Just to hear Your still small voice again

Holy, righteous, faithful to the end

Savior, healer, redeemer and friend

I will worship You for who You are

I will worship You for who You are

I will worship You for who You are Jesus

My soul secure, Your promise sure

Your love endures always

My soul secure, Your promise sure

Your love endures always

My soul secure, Your promise sure

Your love endures always

Somnolent detachment

(I'm guilty of this...hehehe)

I flip through a book in the afternoon
The soft yellow rays shining in my room
I stretch like a lazy cat on my bed
Knowing past my reading what I'd be doing instead

Line after line, my eyes move in time
With the hum of the fan, playing like a rhyme
While processing the book content, feeling rested
My wakeful guard slips away, spinning my head

I fight the yearning of my eyelids feeling heavy
Urging them to read on despite losing quickly
Line after line and page after page
Blurs into nothing in my clouded cage

I flip through more slowly, my consciousness ebbing
Struggling through the hum of a lullaby fading
Losing clear sight of the faint yellow lighting
And in one final moment, losing grip and falling

Willfully giving in to my somnolent need
The defensive comforts of reality's deed
Making my escapade from the realm of grims
Surrendering into the loving snare of timeless dreams

...

When God tells me to wait

I hate waiting. It's part of my impatient nature. I am a person who is constantly on the go, wanting to fast-forward things, sometimes forgetting to enjoy the moment while concerning myself with moving forward.

But God is the boss of this cosmic show. And as the one who knows best around here, I ought to let him call the shots and take my cues from him. This is where the conflict comes in. My nature struggles against the restraint of steady faith and sure trust in the one whom we are always sure of.

One of my worst nightmares in this little lifetime is being domestic...stuck in a rut of tending the home, doing chores, washing dishes and delighting myself on a pile of laundry that never seems to disappear. Rest would include cooking, siesta and watching noontime shows and tear-jerker never-ending soaps. Well I can live alone and maintain my house, as long as I don't have to do solely those things. I want to be working outside the house too. Being stuck in a domestic routine burns me out more than any repetitive activity. Which is why I think I'm going to be a terrible mother. Hahaha.

Unfortunately in my condition now, especially with my career, God is telling me to put brakes on my impatience and wait on him.

What?! In denial, I haggle with him...though I know how futile this is... I'm 22, postgrad, a lot of life and opportunity ahead of me, licensed RN, lots of energy to spend on caring for patients and getting the much-awaited real-life action outside these walls...come on...when do you want me to begin, at thirty??!

But no. God wants me to wait.

I ask why...I told him I'll be waiting for his answer.

And I still don't get why I'm waiting.

After going round and round with rationalizing the incomprehensible, I just go back to the same (and only) clear reply I have for now: Trust God.

Grrr. Grrr. Venting my frustrations over unwashed dishes and the thawing batch of chicken wings that I'll have to cook for dinner, I fume over how I hate black holes in reasoning. But then fine, what other logical choice do I have but to wait on the Lord? I sense in such case how I am like a toddler, thrashing rebelliously on the lap of a parent who sees things better and saying NO and WAIT.

So fine, I will. Aaaa. This better be worth it, Lord.

...

Ah, what am I saying...this IS certainly worth it.

Wishful thinking

I wish I knew what it took for me...

To make you stay smiling with me through the rain.

Ranting in the wee hours of the morn

It's 12:41 in the morning and I'm still awake. Just finished watching a movie and playing some facebook games. That's bumming to me... Well I deserve it I think, after doing my chores. Too bad it suddenly rained hard...I was hoping for the sun to dry my freshly washed clothes...*shrug*

Right now I'm just in a reflective mood. I have a lot of options open before me, but which road to take... Somehow I want to be careful with how I move, since as much as possible I wouldn't want to do anything that is not accordance to God's will. I don't want to pursue something just because I want to or just because my mother said so...I want to make sure that God approves of it, then I'll take it.

Hmm...makes me think about when I've stopped wanting to live primarily for myself...and when I started to realize that my joy can only be full through living for the Lord. Well, it's a good step...and what mercy I got despite me being me then- the skeptic Roman Catholic logician with a lot of attitude problem...it makes me laugh now... Not saying that I don't have problems with my attitude because I know I have a LOT of room for improvement...but I am thankful to God that...well, looking back now...much has positively changed...

And I know that's all that matters...running the race towards God...to the day we meet...

About a month ago I wanted to speed up the process of facing him. I was asking Him for that. Yes, morbid for people who see death conversations as taboo- which means most people, hehehe... But then I realized the necessity of living for His purpose. Yes, accepting Christ can make one rightfully say, "Now I can die happy," but it does not excuse one from living on, enduring suffering in His name to the day He says, "It's time."

So enough of that "Lord, let's meet now," and on with life...

Life...

Currently I'm just a fresh grad thinking about my college life, my dreams, my next steps... I'm using foresight to weight my available options...but even that kind of outlook won't suffice because let's face it, lots can happen, anything is possible and only God can really tell. Talk about telling...suddenly I'm thinking about Him and what He'd do to me if He's to sit in front of me now and play facebook games over servings of coffee crumble ice cream 'til dawn...ohh that'd be such fun...

Or maybe not because He'd be asking me why I haven't been listening to Him...tsktsk...

God...well, funny that I had a habit of saying I hate Him...but then never really meant it because I know he's all that's sure to me. After all, I've never been really sure about my friends, my career, my parents, much less myself...it's only God that I have always strongly believed in. My true best friend who always knew how to be funny, perfect...I know He's quite the comedian, unleashing His creative antics over the lives of lousy screwed-up human beings who just...well, screw up some more...creative indeed- but nevertheless wise...

Yeas, the author of love also happens to be the author of wisdom. After all, who can own up to wisdom if not for He who provides it by request? Hahaha.

What am I saying...well, I need to stock up on that more than ever, I believe. Moving forward past my college life does not permit me to crack up and mess up my life even more. Moving forward entails a greater responsibility for me to avoid slipping and falling facedown- either on purpose or not. And the best way I can make less errors is to be wise only through God's provision of...yes, wisdom.

I think that with all my options now, this is the most important factor. Wisdom that comes from God is first of all, pure...

Okay, headache now...I think I need to rest. My wisdom tooth at the lower left end of my gums is coming out, so it's been quite a pain for 2 days now...and for 2 days I've had sore eyes...so there, need to rest up...

Hmm...funny how I can have such a knack for infection... Hahaha. Just need to power up the immune system and rest... And my devotions- I need to talk with God...I'm gasping for lack of it...

Nursing Nostalgia

Anong size ng gloves mo?

Size 6.5


First ward na pinagdutihan mo?

Sta Catalina


First case mo sa OR?

Kidney transplant


Favorite nursing procedure mo?

Bedmaking, kasi easy siya and it's usually the time when I 

subtly assess and establish rapport with the patient and the 

relatives


Pinaka-hate mong nursing procedure?

Suctioning. You see the suffering and fury of the patient 

more than ever. Sobrang naaawa tlg ako, kasi naiisip ko, eh 

kung ako kaya ang ganunin...di ba...pero kailangan...hayy...


Saang procedure ka nahihirapan?

I think that'd be anything involving needles kasi I have some 

sort of phobia pa rin- I gotta get used to seeing the needle 

before going to the patient.


Namatayan ka na ba ng patient?

Yes, twice.


Nakapag post mortem care ka na ba?

Yeap.


Favorite area/ward mo?

Del Carmen Ward, kasi dun ako maraming natutunan at 

dun din ako nagka-night shifts.


Pinaka-hate mong area/ward?

Female surgery ward, because it gave me such bad 

memories.


Favorite CI mo?

Ma'am Sevilla, kasi for me she's very balanced and she 

really motivated me to learn a lot.


Eh sino naman pinakaayaw mong C.I?

Ahahaha. Yung nameet ko sa female surgery ward. Yun na 

yon. Grabeng torture...I think that's one memorable time in 

my college life that I wanted to just snap.


Bakit ka nga pala nag nursing?

Sabi ni mama. Hahaha.


Enjoy ka naman sa nursing?

Yes. Reasons: 1) I was able to help my patients. (praise 

God!) 2) I met 4-10 and RLE 2. 3) I was able to learn a lot. 

4) I learned how to be sociable. 5) Here's how I met my 

Christian friends.


Maaga ka bang pumapasok?

Naw. Hahaha.


Madalas ka ba sa library?

Yes. 2 reasons: Biblio and case pres. But earlier in my 

college life I spent my time hiding out there when I felt 

lonely...often reading journals and blogging until 6pm.


Favorite nursing subject mo

MS!!!


Pinaka-hate mong nursing subject?

Pharma!!! Aaaaaaaa Pahamak talaga yan!


May ibinagsak ka na bang subjects?

Wla. Ay teka, sabit ako sa PE! Kasi hindi ko talaga mapalo 

yung volleyball nung exam! Talk about a major screwup! 

Hahahaha! 2.95 final grade ko dun...grabe talaga yun, 

hahahaha!


Madalas ka bang umabsent?

Nawp. Hmm...I think yung isang time talaga...I DID absent 

myself from duty one time to finish copying down a 

pathophy on manila paper and get a bit of  sleep...

nakakatawa na lang siya when I think about it. And then as 

an excuse, dapat may 'script' na kong hinanda with the help 

of my rle mates para makalusot, pero pagdating ni mam 

chua at tinanong ako, I just blurted out that i overslept. 

*gasp* What a shame... Yahahahahaha.


Kamusta naman ang capping at pinning ceremony mo?

It's just a blur. The oathtaking part...now that's quite a day...


Ano ang favorite mong nursing diagnosis?

Knowledge deficit: blah


Bakit naman?

I am keen on educating patients...and thus be able to 

empower them...naks!