(11.30.09)
Lord, I just need to talk with you. See, I have this problem I can't seem to get out of my head. It seems like I'm handling it solo again as before...but I don't want that, knowing I'm really nothing without you. So what do I do? You know more than anyone how my heart's been badly broken this month...and though in reality it's just a month, to me it's like a decade of suffering. I know about bearing the consequences of following my own folly and just getting up past the torture...but you know how this feels like more than I can bear, and I don't know why...even after having said, "I'm over it!" like twice or thrice I think...I never really do. I need you Lord to reveal to me...am I faking it? Do I not draw strength from you? I want to, my only chance to recover is you...I know you have every right to punish me for all that I've done...but even as a God of just anger, you are, as much, a God of mercy and forgiveness. Lord, I have asked for your forgiveness on this matter...I am asking for you forgiveness again if I have hidden faults I have not surrendered. I am sorry Lord...I want to stop hurting day by day...am I pushing you away in the process? Maybe to harden myself...I don't know. So let me know.
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