Ranting response-

Dearest John,

I have always feared that this time would come that you would finally turn to face me and tell me about the reality that we are facing now. I feel surprised and ashamed that between us, you, being the male, had more sensitivity, guts and will to initiate laying out this controversial observation and discussing it with me. I have always thought that I was more of the emotional manager among the two of us, but even then I lacked the guts to take the matter seriously and getting it out in the open. My weakness must have been finding the means and timing to do so; thus I failed where you succeeded in, and I thank you for bravely standing up for our relationship- even against me. 


The issue seems too sensitive for me to take that we even perceive the need to put it in writing to get it straight across, and while normally we get to therapeutically laugh at each other's folly...this is just way out of bounds for us to obliterate with laughter. And the issue... I feel helpless in admitting that undeniably, we are at a crisis in our relationship- a slow, eventual trickle of disaster that soon flooded the streets of our lives- breaking communication lines, drawing cracks of doubt in the foundations which we had laid with care and slowly ruining a private haven which we built our beautiful home in. I guess we did not notice how such a small detail could give us a turnout this bad. And now, our relationship that was once a clear, flowing river is now a murky, slow stream that is bound to become a stagnant swamp if we don't manage it now. 


I am sorry for being a contributing factor to all this mess which I somewhat encouraged. I am sorry for not trusting you enough. As I learned and found personal growth in many aspects of life, I discovered new things that I did not feel quite comfortable enough to share with you because of...differences. We've talked of that already- I know my errors in the year that passed- you know your doing as you confirmed in your letter. We're both at fault- and like you, I am not interested to play the blame game and am hopeful to solve the problem with you. I thank you for giving me this chance to open up and have my say regarding this misunderstanding, which has been unresolved for long enough. 


To this point I am undecided with what I am about to say...but here- Let's just discuss this out front. I feel uncertain but I am willing to set things right- way better than before, as best as I can. You know dear, we've grown so much, even at a distance. I guess the sad part is that, we have grown apart as well, and I hate it as much as you do. I don't want to be comfortable with the increasing distance. Sometimes I have to admit that in my pessimism I just want to give up and turn away, but I can't. I have given several alibis on why I am just moving away, and I am finally tired of doing so. Yes, lots of excuses could not fit the actual reason. 


You know, you're not the best advisor I have- you're not really therapeutic when it comes to sorting through issues in general, but I have grown too fond of you to mind that and I love you so much that I don't want to be just another thing of the past and throw this mess out the window. You're very important to me, and I believe I can't find anyone else like you out there who can so foolishly love and care for me. Despite our play fights and genuine disagreements in life, I don't want to be a source of your pain, as I know I have been for the past months. I want to take down every wall of confusion between us and see each other as we ought to. I want to make you smile again and be a source of warmth for you once more. 


If going back to being childlike is what it takes, then let's just lay down our doubts and unnecessary suppositions and fears by the road behind us...let's be kids again, and swear to truth in the name of our friendship. I know you're not one to believe in having a relationship with God, but I'm asking Him in all the sweetness of a daughter to bless us in this and give us a winning turnout this time around. Victory is on its way for those who ask it in His Name!


Again, however things go...I hope you know in your heart that you can say with all conceit that you are precious to me and I love you. 


All the best, 
Penny

Ps- I'd appreciate it if you don't laugh at the contents of this note when we meet again. Also, be thankful that I made it a point to put this note in a large rounded font, as I am very well aware that you are not one to love reading so much that a couple of paragraphs could knock you off to dreamland as easily as I end this note now. Hahahaha.