My 501st entry

Yey...it's been a good blogging year again...

For my 501st entry I am pouring my heart out here with a piece from my journal which I feel is my best so far in a long time...

xxx-Unsaid-xxx

02.09.10

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

Like,

I wish I could see you once again

And perhaps a smile can let it begin:

The love and joy we had before

While repainting our canvas of dreams in store.

We’d stroll all day like there’s no tomorrow,

Give in to any dare like there’s no saying no,

Play dancing from mild mode to wild to extreme,

Then sit for iced frappes with extra whipped cream.

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

Like,

I wish again you could stroke my hair

And make me feel loved in the depth of your stare,

Give a message of cheer, or hold my hand

Or best make a lousy poem of your brand.

Or no, don’t give me any of such romantic warmth,

Just love me beyond words and hold my heart,

And the promises you made of a friendship for life,

And the truth that I love you for all of my life.

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

Like,

I wish I had heard me singing today

And felt the entire message I had to convey.

I wish I knew then how it was to disobey,

Then I might have refused to let my convictions sway,

Prevented wrong emotions to come into play,

And saw you as you are- my source of dismay,

Then I won’t be slow dancing as the damsel in despair,

Nursing a heart that’s almost beyond repair.

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

Like,

I wish I could turn around and ask you why

Why lure the tears to come with a beautiful lie?

And one random day, just leave me behind

With this lie which caused me to lose my mind?

To this day this nightmare is what I know.

If this isn’t real, come back, says so!

Come back and undo this unbelief,

Free me from these chains of my deepest grief!
You know I’d still have you if you’d come back around,

If you’d turn around and hold your ground.

If not, don’t come back and paint everything red,

For I’d rather have the truth- and these words unsaid.

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

Yes,

I’d rather bleed and write and bleed

Than to run back to the lie that you’re all that I need.

I’d rather hurt now than feel deceptively free,

As I know who’s at fault- it’s you and me:

You for knowing less than the best,

Me for meaning to flunk this test.

You for knowing my lover’s touch,

Me for meaning to love you too much.

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

And,

I wish I could make this wrong go right,

But how can I when you’re out of sight?

I wish you would have me back again,

But…love’s not caring every now and then.

Perhaps run after me once you’ve grown up..?

But if we’ve grown up, then…I might say, ‘Stop.’

In the dark and the quiet of my soul

Etched therein a cold black hole.

Apart from the laughter and the sun outside,

Within this solitude I choose to hide:

The songs unsung, the words unsaid,

The scars I wrote of ‘til I slowly bled.

Sometimes I yearn as a desert longs for rain,

To ask how you are…and forget the pain.

See, I love you still…but, ah…forget the game-

You’d still love me…and leave me…just the same.

Now don’t come back and paint everything red,

I’d rather have the truth- and these words unsaid.