An argument for abortion (just a nocturnal buzz in my head, thank God...)

While pondering on the greatness and majesty of God a while ago, I was led to think of how He can do just about anything in a divine snap of a finger...even easily decide to cease my existence in this world at His will...

But He doesn't.

Why?

Because He loves us. (I know it sounds cliche, but He DOES.)

And as the part-time logician, I probe...

If He loves us that much, then why not just un-create us all and just get on with His Lord-of-the-universe program? After all, He knows how the stench of evil has screwed us pretty badly and enabled us to come to crooked conclusions and bad decisions. He knows, more than anyone else, that humanity is mostly overrated, and whether we acknowledge it or not, fact is, sucking at life is second nature to us, even as we claim to be "civilized," "refined"...remove the earthly decors and we're all similarly reduced to nothing but filth (or I can mean dust). If He truly loves us, why not spare us of the seemingly boundless queries and sufferings of this speck-of-eternity living and just...you know, make everything perfect again and move on to the good part of the book- the happy ending..?

I'm sure the likes of Lewis and Yancey would have enough answers to weave a book or thesis for this (which they have already done). Even I would be cheering them on. But I'm not exactly here to arrive at a definitive answer on the mysteries of life (God knows I...yeah, exactly- God knows!). Rather, I want to think of this as a clue that leads me to a sensible argument as to why I would never allow abortion to be performed on a baby that is sure to be born to this world with physical defects or illnesses- congenital anomalies as confirmed by clinical tests. Technology has enabled us to diagnose such conditions pre nata, and as this opens windows to novel ethical decisions to ponder on, I think it is imperative for us to seriously consider bringing up Godly arguments founded on wisdom. Not that I'm aiming for "think ethics, save the world!" strategy- but it's an important step if you consider how many people would gradually have access to such state-of-the-art tests and would need to contemplate on such matters involving an unborn child. 

So here's what I came up with based on mooning on God's greatness just a while back tonight:

Kung si God nga hindi tayo magawang ubusin kahit kaya Niya, tapos tayo... What I'm saying is that, if God has a reason to keep such feeble beings like us alive (and I'm sure it's a VERY good one, as we know how stupid, how sinful and spiteful humans can be)... what more in allowing such babies (who are just probably one limb plus or short) to taste a breath of fresh air and live?

I know some well-meaning parents usually take into consideration that they wish to "spare the baby of a life riddled with physical pain and self-pity" that they'd pull a conclusion out of the black top hat such as: Hey honey, let's just not put a sentence through- let's put a dot to the lifeline- period! Why? It's more simple not to think about it and just get on with it, sort of like how they do it in a, say... a doll factory's quality control area- if it does not match the production standard of "normalcy," throw it in the rejects and try again! (In this process of segregation, we ought to consider how the value of life is being horribly reduced to the level of...well, dolls.)

I am aware that I am stepping on several toes here...but I plead everyone to open their eyes a bit more to see beyond what is, in human standards, acceptable. I believe that humans, imperfect and foolish as they are, are not to entitled to dictate who sees the sunlight or not... if baby hits a boo-boo in the genetic lottery, well... let him win it- and live! If God lets him pass, let him. After all, the chief end of man, although most would believe otherwise, is to glorify God in his existence. And we don't need to pass a complete physcial exam to do that. We don't need to complete a treadmill run or make it through a 5k race to glorify God- that's just a small fraction of the many, many, MANY possible ways we can do so. And for those who would not think so-  Who is like the Lord? Who owns His thoughts and ways? Who knows what is good and what can glorify Him? 

Let THE Creator decide on the matters of mortality (I meant the double entendre). Take that, abortionists.

Good night!

Lord, I don't want to drown...

After a long time, I am given a chance to quietly examine my life again. I know I used to do this frequently before, but after life became a blur in the fast lane, I just grew accustomed to what was there in the present and forgot to stop and stare at what I have at the moment.

Presently I am still hurting. Still wounded after 7 months. I want to believe that a lot has changed from the time I ran off to my eCost escapade (yes, I took a random night job to get away from the memories). Yes, there are a lot of tremendous positive changes. But even then, I am still unable to escape the consequences of my own actions. I can more readily talk of it now, which is a good sign, but I can’t help but wonder why I am still hurting and how I wish I can just take everything back.

But I can’t.

And what of God? Can I still discuss this with Him? I have gone through the notions with him, over and over in circles…and I agree very much with the reality that this is the result of my wrong choices, which is why I don’t want to lash out at Him and blame Him…I know He gave me enough ways not to succumb to such desperate moves, but I did and I know it full well. And I am supposed to be wholly prepared to take the punishment for everything...which is why I don’t want to tell Him of the pain. Maybe that is why I don’t want to talk about it anymore…maybe that is why I am okay with numbing myself from this, hoping like an unknowing child that it will just go away. In the first place, my first move was to run away when I could no longer handle it. But I did pray of it…I prayed for strength…I prayed for wisdom, which is why I understand it more and could handle it better than before.

Apart from God, I am nothing. I know that…and somehow I now realize that I might have turned into an empty shell without me realizing it…until now?

I don't know. Not yet...but I will understand... Lord, ...

Sleeping.

Shhh. Somnolent detachment mode. It's been 18 hours since my last sleep (which only lasted for about 4 hours). I'm drained...

After a movie moment and a feeding frenzy composed of bulalo, coke, choco donut with colored sprinkles, chicken curry, cheese popcorn, potato chips, minute maid orange, mc double cheeseburger, coke, water, joey pepperoni pizza...*burp* I am sleeping. (Hold the main event, folks (pork adobo with egg)- I just need to rest.)

Hahahahahahaha.

Lov y'all. Happy mother's day. :)

Rantfest

I feel like I am doing something wrong with this love of mine with God. I am not so sure. Darkness is closing in. It seems like I am not being more of Him each day. Or maybe it's a personal disappointment on expectations never met. I want to love God and be more Christlike each passing day, but I feel like I'm not doing enough to achieve that, and as a result, I feel that I am being pushed in a downward spiral- and I seem to be powrerless to stop it. I am starting to question myself again...my faith...is it really worth my time? Should I go be the Christian rebel, blasting against the current, or just break the pressure and go with the ocean? Being critical about my spiritual life...that was how I was. I prefer to think that it's another side of mine, another person that I choose to put on death row each day. But why this now... I don't want to go back...if that means choosing to become a fool for Christ, then I'd rather have that please... the 'foolishness' of God is way way better than the smarts of man anyway, as far as I know.

But what is happening to me? In my inner room of solitude, I am compelled to think of going back to the edge and living my savvy life, going solo... contemplating on life's queries as I please... but I go back to the truth that I know for sure:

Do I have the answers? Who is truly in control?

God help me. You know the drift, Love... if I'm on to something harmful or wrong, You stop me. Please. Why do I feel like this love is dying on me? But You know that I love You...feebly as compared to how You love me, but I try... If it's not enough, MAKE IT SO IT'S ENOUGH!

...

As for other things-

Quitting on mid-May- Definitely out for it. Lord, going for your game plan...
Hospital job. No idea, but going for it with faith.