Tear-stained notes and a pillow

Two days ago I cried all night until I fell asleep.

Now this is the case. There are only two instances I was hurt so bad that the pain made me ask God to just take my life and get on with it: One was when I was compelled to say goodbye to...*** and the other was this. I felt so ashamed with what I have done that it hurt so much to admit it. But I bravely came forth and took responsibility for my fault. I'm not denying anything. I just believe that a mature person ought to take the consequences like a man... or in this case, like a true Christian. My biggest burden is that I felt that I have so disgraced the Lord with my actions when I'm supposed to be glorifying him. Second is that it doesn't feel good to look weak and bad in front of your own family, especially my ma whom I love so much.

There. Not discussing the issue. But I guess this makes me want to be more aware of pleasing God...and to watch my actions carefully. Also, one more thing- I need to make sure I'm pleasing God first and not other people, not even my mother. You can't please people, and with such motive we're bound to be miserable. Feel ko kasi I'm returning to that... like I want to have the assurance from her that she will love me still even if I fail sometimes... I'm just human. Not that it's a reason, but everyone falls sometimes, right? But what matters is the direction we are in... in a marathon, as long as you're running in the right direction, you're bound to get to the finish line no matter how often you have to stumble. I hope to make it a point to always set my eyes on the pleasing and perfect will of God that I may please him always with my life.

And as a by-product, I hope to make my family happy and proud of me.

Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.


For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 


Aw. Soli deo gloria. Love you Lord...you're all I need.