Love to faults is always blind, Always is to joy inclined.
Lawless, winged, and unconfined,
And breaks all chains from every mind.
my cousin, and...look under the cart...
Love to faults is always blind,Don't read if you're an antichrist
At sino naman ako para magreklamo?
I just watched Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ movie...violently portrayed yet as realistic as he can possibly make it to be...pero honestly may mga mistakes pa rin, like ung pinalo sa kanya, it's not just a whip- from expert speculation, ung ginamit dw dti ung handle na at the end, a bunch of ordinary ropes, pero may mga broken glasses at each end- so imagine the agony kung ihahataw sa bare back mo un...my goodness, sympre at evry stoke pati balat mo sasama...*shiver*
But that's not really why I'm writing here to pour out my emo (yeah, but whatever, this is my space here and I'm not hurting anyone with intention). Today ko lang ksi xa npanood. And sa totoo lang, I can very well understand why marami ang nakiramdam sa movie na to.
I cried with the scenes...di ko na nabilang, hahaha.
I initially found myself laughing a bit coz of course, I've known this story na long before, pero it's just now that I realized how much I haven't put into my heart yet. Well, my aunt recently told me na yan ang prob ko- I simply know God by head, pero I mostly forget to love Him with my heart. Yun bang, yes, I know Christ died violently- naresearch ko nga step-by-step how he died in the physiological sense. But how violently, I haven't really had a good insight through the eyes of my heart.
And thus, I am humbled.
Naisip ko, Lord, ako eto complain ako nang complain about what's happening in my life, na hindi ako macontento sa grades ko, sa parents ko, sa sinasabi ng mga tao about me...na sa failures ko nagpapatalo kaagad ako...na konting discouragement lang I stumble back with fear...na pag nagkakasala ako minsan nababalewala ko na lang...na hindi lang minsan na pinagdudahan ko kayo, pinagkaila sa madla dahil ako ay isang duwag...yes, Jesus- I am selfish, I am dishonest, I am a traitor, I am a sloth, a bad example, a disgrace to your glory, a hypocrite, a very disobedient girl, an envious brat.
Sometimes I don't know if I should even be rightfully called a Christian. I am so weak. I am such a doubter, na even sa mga graces na binibigay niyo nag-aalangan ako (especially my friends, na alam ko galing sa iyo pero natatakot ako magbigay, magshare...). I have been doing my own kind of vengeance to my father, and you know as I know that you see it all and you hurt. I am led astray by my own actions. You persistently pull me back, but I insist on being 'free' in my sinful ways.
Yes. I am...human. A natural sinner, among all things.
And yet...for all these things...this foul life I've been leading...you died. You came here, the incarnate, suffered in the hands of mere men whom you may have smitten if it was in your will, but no...you chose to die for me- and for everyone. You could have left man to burn in hell, but with all the love you have there...you still pick humanity up and let us choose to believe in your salvific plan. And no, that wasn't enough for you- you even led me to you in the midst of my suffering- I remember those moments, and I thank you for them.
Alam mo, I know deep within I've been praying to you...I know of my filth. I know of my unworthiness. I know of my sins. Lately naghehesitate na nga ako magkwento ng tungkol sa araw ko sa inyo kasi I feel so dirty...I feel like a slut who has allowed so much sin into her hands...
But on the other hand...who is worthy to be called good anyway? Nobody is innocent. Nobody is good. Nobody is holy, but Jesus, the good shepherd who is surely sinless but died a horrible death. He allowed himself to bleed so much so that we may know salvation as we have it...and have a chance to be with him in the next life.
Alam ko, you are not pleased with my actions. And I do not want to go on like this...straight to the path of ignorance, no Lord, you have given me wisdom and I would like to use it now to ask for your unending forgiveness. And you have said in the scriptures that I should not worry...so help me. Give me strength that I may fully lay down all unnecessary worries right there in the foot of your cross. Give me patience that I may be a light to others, be Christlike for others to be inspired...and follow you.
I know I will never be perfect, and I will have to constantly grow by choice. In spirit, be with me always. Make me hunger for you, thirst for your word so that I may know you...and let yourself be revealed to be everyday. Make me need you and yearn for you so intensely that I will not pay unnecessary attention to material things...for in you is true happiness, in you is true wisdom, in you is true satisfaction. Humble me each day as I seek to understand you more...that I may grow to love you in familiarity and faith.
Give me your insight in the midst of my daily persecutions...hear me when I call out to you if I should be your instrument for the salvation of others through the word. I know they know not what I live for, what I accept...what I portray...let me not fall into their taunting and influence. Let me remain in you wherever I go and whoever I go with. Purify my relationship with my brothers and sisters, whom you command me to love without condition...as you do with me.
Have mercy as I cry out for my loved ones, my family and friends so that they may know you...show them, impress to them your might, the truth that you exist to save...that it is only by knowing you well and having a relationship with you that we can ever be complete. No, not by grades, not with other people, not money, not expensive stuff, not a top career, not fame, not parental approval, not a professional title...only you, dear Lord, only you.
All this I ask in your name...Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen.
I wasted one day?! hmm...
I am sort of annoyed with the weathermen who don't really do their jobs well. Because of their inaccurate prediction of the 'storm,' sinuspend tuloy ng dep-ed ung pasok sa thursday, nutrition subject. Yeah, it's a make-up class alright, but still, it's a waste having to sit here in the house when I could have finished off with that quiz. And more other tasks, too. But on the other hand, my sensible mind tells me those guys in PAGASA did their jobs well. It's better safe than sorry. And sure, let the students rest for the weekend...(yeah right)
Honestly I completed a lot of tasks this weekend, so I wouldn't say na waste ang break ko. I cooked meals for my fam, bonding time with them, blog read and write, over-watched tv, played with Lebron (ung new dog namin na di pla alam ni Jrep!- look at him, pic nya)...ayun.
At oo nga pla, nakausap ko na rin si Repi so complete na naman ang week ko (ano ka, vitamin c? hahahaha!). No, seriously this friend of mine...grabe, ang tiyaga tumawag, ksi nmn wrong timing, kung di ako nasa kusina, nagluluto naman ako. Pero sa wakas kanina we finally talked a bit. But even then I hope to see him sometime...
BTW, sj friends! Saan ba ang lakad this season? :) love y'all, tc tc...^^
Foursome SNs
Christian Jords KR MeAw, I am so thrilled here...still holding up our smiles kahit super chaotic na ng med audi...
Ceremony for beacons (as if hahaha)
Monumental, people. Weird, funny, but special. Like my course and me. Hehehe.
Nov. 14, 2006. A special day for the nurses of the UST
During the day (esp. in the am) marami pang nangyari, pero I’ll just limit my chitchat here to just some
fun points…
First Impression: Ako sa totoo nung una ala lang sa kin, as in la ako paki coz I thought it was just some regular program. Pero goodness, we had to march pala sa aisle (think like graduation, with graduation music accompaniment pa, which I initially thought was not serious nung una pero well…un na un, hahahaha!)
Practice: The day before, san ka pa!? But I guess the faculty members have obviously done this before to other batches, so I just let them instruct us. Pati nurse’s hymn (oo, meron, adik!) that day rin lng tinuro. Sintunado at hopeless daw kami sabi ni Ma’am Famorca (super cool at super galing na head ng faculty), but whatever, we’re not in the music course naman ah, so let us be…wehehe!
Costume: Full duty outfit (with apron). During practice sabi sa min magpaayos dw kmi ng bun sa ibng tao para maayos daw at di kami sabog pag umakyat ng stage. Ako yoko naman tlg, coz of course first of all I hate wearing makeup and having other people touch my crowning glory coz it’s soo not me, and second, I thought nga la lng ung program (I even discouraged my parents to go coz it’s a waste of their precious time).
But my ma got wind of my capping affair, so naturally, I came to Dapitan looking like Barbie or somethin’…(bsta I think the blushies are too thick for me)
Checkpoints: Seryoso, galing nila sa sistema! Mga nars tlg oh…we were told to fall in line…tawa na lang ako ksi funny parang checkpoint tlg xa eh! It really surprised (and impressed) me.
(1) 2nd flr, skills lab. Check outfit if complete and spotless. If yes, prof will insert something where the cap will be secured. (Boys no need, duh)
(2) Next room. Check uniform (again, yes). If ok, get lamp and candle from prof.
(3) 4th flr med audi. No entry until marching time. No bags allowed. No things in apron pocket.
(4) At entry, stop. 3 profs will fix you up right before marching up the aisle.
(5) Side of stage. Apron pocket check. Prof checkup x2.
Dilemma ko tlg ksi 3x ako nasita, hehehe. From that small spot sa white shoe ko (I scrubbed it with chlorox and laundry soap, ano pa ba) up to that last checking na may cell ako sa apron…ay, bisto tlg…adik mga prof ko but I love them all naman, cool cla lahat, so far la pa tlg ako na-eencounter na ‘epal’ or ‘not good enough’ dito sa nursing, which is great news, of course.
Ceremony: So what did I do? Hmm…well inilawan muna namin ung lamp namin (Mark lit my candle, pinag-usapan pa namin un, hahaha over) then tinawag kami, two at a time sa stage. Then nilagyan ng caps while kneeling.
Confession: Hmm, kakahiya man aminin pero siguro kung hindi dahil kay Spongky na nagjjoketime sa tbi ko at kay KR, Carla, Jo na naging source of distraction, at kay Mark na nagpatawa sa kin, naluha siguro ako sa ceremony. Hehehe.
Visitors: Mama. I thought la xa balak pmunta, pero well kahit dinissuade na go go pa rin xa, yehey! Parked at SM San Lazaro and walked all the way back to Med building for me. Aw. It also moved me na si Sahia ko balak pla go pero may class pa xa nun. But the thought counted a lot for me.
Hayun, e di eto na, Anniline Chua Teng, SN, signing off…god bless you.
Have a laugh (the first and second day)
Dapitan, 6:35pm, Nov. 7, 2005...second day of class-
Waiting for my ma to come through the traffic jam and fetch me for my beauty rest. Come on, I've been here in ust today from 7:30am up to this moment...have to steal chance to get rested before I get excited (with schoolwork, of course).
Speaking of which, tinambakan na kami kahapon ng female prof ko sa MCN (mother and child nursing- major namin) ng hwork on the first day right after her orientation (man, she's soo scary she still caused me to hypoventilate this am- which btw is our second meeting). No, she's no terror though, wouldn't say that...she's just the type who can make you brace for her next move...I can't explain her hocus pocus...she just has that 'air', hahaha. Her stare (she's doing it on purpose- as in like kanina lang, bending soo close to me na maybe just 5-7 inches away na sa kin ung face nya- *shivers*) made me sing 'eye of the tiger' in my head as I constantly experienced dyspnea (difficulty in breathing, hehehe). But she can be oh so funny, though yes, the personified ust tiger (whoo! tiger power!), di naman ferocious, but still...well, aminado naman xa eh- her statement?
"I'm not scary; I just bite."
Now YOU tell me what to do with her. Ha. Ha.
Now because of her I had bad dreams...yah, right! Hehehe. No, I had to spend a lot of time in the lib, rushing to the cafeteria xerox machine to produce copies of good sources of answers for me. Take note, first day ito! Adik tlg...hmph. T.T
Thank God for my friends na tinulungan pa ko, tuwa naman ako...ung isang salbahe sa min tinago pa ung kaisa-isang copy ng latest ed ng book-in-demand! hahaha! :P (bato-bato sa langit...joke!)
Hapon. Ung prof naman dun sa Physics ang kumulit, puro toilet jokes (kasi naman doctor xa eh, so disgusting but honestly speaking lang ung mga pinagsasabi niya to keep us up coz lapit na nga gumabi), so hayun...pati tpos ngsalitang seryoso...sabi niya, "You, watch out for my coming film..."
Lahat naman kami, "?"
He went on, "Casino Royale, ako bida dun, papalabas na."
Adik na prof. *rolls eyes and faints with a smile*
No wonder I have this great admiration for him...which people are starting to question (!) but he's just soo darned smart and kenkoy so what do I do but be a fan to him, hehe.
O, yan na muna, O2- stress reliever, hahaha!
Waiting for my ma to come through the traffic jam and fetch me for my beauty rest. Come on, I've been here in ust today from 7:30am up to this moment...have to steal chance to get rested before I get excited (with schoolwork, of course).
Speaking of which, tinambakan na kami kahapon ng female prof ko sa MCN (mother and child nursing- major namin) ng hwork on the first day right after her orientation (man, she's soo scary she still caused me to hypoventilate this am- which btw is our second meeting). No, she's no terror though, wouldn't say that...she's just the type who can make you brace for her next move...I can't explain her hocus pocus...she just has that 'air', hahaha. Her stare (she's doing it on purpose- as in like kanina lang, bending soo close to me na maybe just 5-7 inches away na sa kin ung face nya- *shivers*) made me sing 'eye of the tiger' in my head as I constantly experienced dyspnea (difficulty in breathing, hehehe). But she can be oh so funny, though yes, the personified ust tiger (whoo! tiger power!), di naman ferocious, but still...well, aminado naman xa eh- her statement?
"I'm not scary; I just bite."
Now YOU tell me what to do with her. Ha. Ha.
Now because of her I had bad dreams...yah, right! Hehehe. No, I had to spend a lot of time in the lib, rushing to the cafeteria xerox machine to produce copies of good sources of answers for me. Take note, first day ito! Adik tlg...hmph. T.T
Thank God for my friends na tinulungan pa ko, tuwa naman ako...ung isang salbahe sa min tinago pa ung kaisa-isang copy ng latest ed ng book-in-demand! hahaha! :P (bato-bato sa langit...joke!)
Hapon. Ung prof naman dun sa Physics ang kumulit, puro toilet jokes (kasi naman doctor xa eh, so disgusting but honestly speaking lang ung mga pinagsasabi niya to keep us up coz lapit na nga gumabi), so hayun...pati tpos ngsalitang seryoso...sabi niya, "You, watch out for my coming film..."
Lahat naman kami, "?"
He went on, "Casino Royale, ako bida dun, papalabas na."
Adik na prof. *rolls eyes and faints with a smile*
No wonder I have this great admiration for him...which people are starting to question (!) but he's just soo darned smart and kenkoy so what do I do but be a fan to him, hehe.
O, yan na muna, O2- stress reliever, hahaha!
Another conclusion
I am feeling rather senti today because well, as most of you are now aware of it- tapos na naman ang sem break (except for those studying in dlsu, hahaha).
It's always great to have a lengthy break, and it's always too short and bitin for the likes of us who want to just get away from the stress and struggles of being...well, a student.
Hmm...well, it won't last for long anyway, and those 4 or 5 years will soon pass. Badtrip ba? Hahaha. Whatever.
Anyway...kaya nga masarap rin mgbreak. Para hindi tayo magmulfunction. Sana lang alam yun ng mga profs ntin (and even our parents), don't you agree? I think most of them know that, kaya nga they give more work to torture us more, hahaha! Payback? Ewan ko, sila n lng nkakaalam nun.
At ngayon, tapos na naman ang 2006 sembreak, so I felt that I should do a 103th entry to keep the memory here...what the heck I love to write too, so here goes...
My sembreak started on Oct. 14. But it was a rocky start (or end) for me because I had to play chase with my profs from the 13th (it was even a friday, san ka pa) until the 18th (a wednesday, but it doesn't matter)...6 days of lovin' with my profs, whoo-hoo...
Oct. 26 was my real rest from all kinds of work. That's the day after my enrollment.
The educational part of my sembreak...I learned a lot from my make-ups and book-browsing. I also helped my ma in the perfume biz, learned a great deal. Yesterday was my first time to go home using only the train and a jeep...and yeah, a motorcycle coz I was too lazy to walk the distnce to our door, hehehe.
The mastering part of it...I improved on my housework skills, improved on the arcade scene, changed my shooting form in basketball (working on it), wrote free verse poetry and letters for my penpal (uso pa ba un?), studied the inner workings of the computer software (yah, I'm not a techie, but so what), downloaded songs, watched a lot of youtube shows...hahaha! Thanks to my friends, esp. Ozzy (for the dancing thing), of course (Jonreph better watch out!).
The most trying part of the period...taking care of Lebron (the new puppy in the house). Now I kinda know what it feels like to be a parent to some helpless little 5-month old you can just kill anytime but you wouldn't coz it's soo cute (and I'd go to jail...you know what I mean). Hahaha.
No seriously it's not easy, and it's very tiring...but the fulfillment is just...man, it's one of the coolest experiences...
Most refreshing part of sem break- my textmate of the break (meron pla nun, hahaha), flooder of my inbox, you meanie...a person I just love hating, si Mark (salamat sa iyong oras at load). At inuulit ko, HINDI ako bakla- just 60% girl, 40% guy. Nah, as if...babae po ako, undoubtedly.
Feel-good experiences...made new friends (for example, si Monching), went out to explore moa for UBEs (ultimate bonding experiences) with ust friends, kr, jrep and company, and finally yung kahapon with the sj peeps na hindi ko naman natiis (at finally nkasama si Herschel, had been waiting for that).
Firsts...made a complete silly crap of me (lagi naman ata, pero this time) by dancing on the dance pad with Cob (I missed this old chum, grabe, salamat uli) and Therese (yah, we're great). Got too excited and thrilled with Herschel finally agreeing to try the dance pad and the parapara dance (the one with the sensors, hehehe).
Mga awws- Sayang lang hindi ko nakasama si Sha for this break (maybe sa Xmas break, as Cob had mentioned). Pati si Mark, Jo, Julie, Daryll (we didn't get to go 'round the mall). At may mga dapat akong mkausap jan na hindi ko nkachika. Hmm. Tulad na lang ng dentist ko. Hahaha. At hindi na ko nakapag-tennis. Aw.
10 new goals already set (growing is supposed to be constant): I must...
1, do something to keep my relationship with Christ intact and working, esp. reading the Bible
2, make time for my friends and not spend it all on just a few of them (I'm very serious)
3, be more of myself and less of what is expected of me
4, hold on to my new lifestyle of deliberately closing all chances for any romantic relationship to come in now (even shallow bouts of crushes...man, even I can't believe I'm doing this...)
5, be more of a warm and friendly chatmate, meaning not being too selective (esp. with classmates)
6, avoid lateness in duties and classes
7, finish all work before wasting my time on other stuff
8, keep fit (don't engage in food binges just because I'm sad or I got a low grade)
9, act less stupid and stop getting shaken by MDs in the clinical setting (come on, tao rin sila)
10, save more cash and budget according to God's money principles (meron- use only 70% for basic needs, keep the 20% for savings and tithe the 10%- which makes me think about opening a bank account inside ust)
I look forward to:
It's always great to have a lengthy break, and it's always too short and bitin for the likes of us who want to just get away from the stress and struggles of being...well, a student.
Hmm...well, it won't last for long anyway, and those 4 or 5 years will soon pass. Badtrip ba? Hahaha. Whatever.
Anyway...kaya nga masarap rin mgbreak. Para hindi tayo magmulfunction. Sana lang alam yun ng mga profs ntin (and even our parents), don't you agree? I think most of them know that, kaya nga they give more work to torture us more, hahaha! Payback? Ewan ko, sila n lng nkakaalam nun.
At ngayon, tapos na naman ang 2006 sembreak, so I felt that I should do a 103th entry to keep the memory here...what the heck I love to write too, so here goes...
My sembreak started on Oct. 14. But it was a rocky start (or end) for me because I had to play chase with my profs from the 13th (it was even a friday, san ka pa) until the 18th (a wednesday, but it doesn't matter)...6 days of lovin' with my profs, whoo-hoo...
Oct. 26 was my real rest from all kinds of work. That's the day after my enrollment.
The educational part of my sembreak...I learned a lot from my make-ups and book-browsing. I also helped my ma in the perfume biz, learned a great deal. Yesterday was my first time to go home using only the train and a jeep...and yeah, a motorcycle coz I was too lazy to walk the distnce to our door, hehehe.
The mastering part of it...I improved on my housework skills, improved on the arcade scene, changed my shooting form in basketball (working on it), wrote free verse poetry and letters for my penpal (uso pa ba un?), studied the inner workings of the computer software (yah, I'm not a techie, but so what), downloaded songs, watched a lot of youtube shows...hahaha! Thanks to my friends, esp. Ozzy (for the dancing thing), of course (Jonreph better watch out!).
The most trying part of the period...taking care of Lebron (the new puppy in the house). Now I kinda know what it feels like to be a parent to some helpless little 5-month old you can just kill anytime but you wouldn't coz it's soo cute (and I'd go to jail...you know what I mean). Hahaha.
No seriously it's not easy, and it's very tiring...but the fulfillment is just...man, it's one of the coolest experiences...
Most refreshing part of sem break- my textmate of the break (meron pla nun, hahaha), flooder of my inbox, you meanie...a person I just love hating, si Mark (salamat sa iyong oras at load). At inuulit ko, HINDI ako bakla- just 60% girl, 40% guy. Nah, as if...babae po ako, undoubtedly.
Feel-good experiences...made new friends (for example, si Monching), went out to explore moa for UBEs (ultimate bonding experiences) with ust friends, kr, jrep and company, and finally yung kahapon with the sj peeps na hindi ko naman natiis (at finally nkasama si Herschel, had been waiting for that).
Firsts...made a complete silly crap of me (lagi naman ata, pero this time) by dancing on the dance pad with Cob (I missed this old chum, grabe, salamat uli) and Therese (yah, we're great). Got too excited and thrilled with Herschel finally agreeing to try the dance pad and the parapara dance (the one with the sensors, hehehe).
Mga awws- Sayang lang hindi ko nakasama si Sha for this break (maybe sa Xmas break, as Cob had mentioned). Pati si Mark, Jo, Julie, Daryll (we didn't get to go 'round the mall). At may mga dapat akong mkausap jan na hindi ko nkachika. Hmm. Tulad na lang ng dentist ko. Hahaha. At hindi na ko nakapag-tennis. Aw.
10 new goals already set (growing is supposed to be constant): I must...
1, do something to keep my relationship with Christ intact and working, esp. reading the Bible
2, make time for my friends and not spend it all on just a few of them (I'm very serious)
3, be more of myself and less of what is expected of me
4, hold on to my new lifestyle of deliberately closing all chances for any romantic relationship to come in now (even shallow bouts of crushes...man, even I can't believe I'm doing this...)
5, be more of a warm and friendly chatmate, meaning not being too selective (esp. with classmates)
6, avoid lateness in duties and classes
7, finish all work before wasting my time on other stuff
8, keep fit (don't engage in food binges just because I'm sad or I got a low grade)
9, act less stupid and stop getting shaken by MDs in the clinical setting (come on, tao rin sila)
10, save more cash and budget according to God's money principles (meron- use only 70% for basic needs, keep the 20% for savings and tithe the 10%- which makes me think about opening a bank account inside ust)
I look forward to:
- My capping ceremony (I wonder what will happen)
- Spending more time with Tif, Therese, and Mommy (they trasfered near ust kasi),
- Ust paskuhan (coz I have the love nest to spend it with, maybe even Tif!)
- Christmas break (coz I'll get to see my friends again)
- Dec. 26 (might just get out of the country and meet my cousin Lesley for the first time)
- New Year (reunion with my clan sa mother side)
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