Suddenly I'm unsure of myself.
Oh man. Why do I have to make things so complicated for myself?
Lord!!!
Attachment issues of Peach
I am currently unable to strategise how to unlearn my tendency of attachment.
I think it's part of an instructor's curse, especially in my case that I'm dealing with these kids one-on-one on weekdays. It's a shame for me to manifest the signs of stress in handling parting and letting go.I feel bad in having to feel this pang of sorrow as I necessarily detach myself from my students, whom I have been bonded with at some level. Attachment for me is a form of weakness. It's a liability especially for professional growth. I should not care so much. I should not feel so much love and happiness. But why this?
I wish there was some way I could remove them. Lord, I haven't had real problems with it, but can I ask you to just take out my emotions? Just for six months, maybe... hahaha. Yes, I know I know... like evey trait you have given me, I need to master it. I need to resolve my attachment issues through this rich field of opportunity laid out before me. It's not gonna be easy, but I know past this I shall emerge a better person, hopefully a stronger one who can level up on the emotional aspect of self-control. Hay.
And enough with that infatuation thing. Better not start anything that will provoke ugly series of events. The smallest exchange of words can brew a major war.
Goodnight Kenneth. Lord, be with me.
I think it's part of an instructor's curse, especially in my case that I'm dealing with these kids one-on-one on weekdays. It's a shame for me to manifest the signs of stress in handling parting and letting go.I feel bad in having to feel this pang of sorrow as I necessarily detach myself from my students, whom I have been bonded with at some level. Attachment for me is a form of weakness. It's a liability especially for professional growth. I should not care so much. I should not feel so much love and happiness. But why this?
I wish there was some way I could remove them. Lord, I haven't had real problems with it, but can I ask you to just take out my emotions? Just for six months, maybe... hahaha. Yes, I know I know... like evey trait you have given me, I need to master it. I need to resolve my attachment issues through this rich field of opportunity laid out before me. It's not gonna be easy, but I know past this I shall emerge a better person, hopefully a stronger one who can level up on the emotional aspect of self-control. Hay.
And enough with that infatuation thing. Better not start anything that will provoke ugly series of events. The smallest exchange of words can brew a major war.
Goodnight Kenneth. Lord, be with me.
Tear-stained notes and a pillow
Two days ago I cried all night until I fell asleep.
Now this is the case. There are only two instances I was hurt so bad that the pain made me ask God to just take my life and get on with it: One was when I was compelled to say goodbye to...*** and the other was this. I felt so ashamed with what I have done that it hurt so much to admit it. But I bravely came forth and took responsibility for my fault. I'm not denying anything. I just believe that a mature person ought to take the consequences like a man... or in this case, like a true Christian. My biggest burden is that I felt that I have so disgraced the Lord with my actions when I'm supposed to be glorifying him. Second is that it doesn't feel good to look weak and bad in front of your own family, especially my ma whom I love so much.
There. Not discussing the issue. But I guess this makes me want to be more aware of pleasing God...and to watch my actions carefully. Also, one more thing- I need to make sure I'm pleasing God first and not other people, not even my mother. You can't please people, and with such motive we're bound to be miserable. Feel ko kasi I'm returning to that... like I want to have the assurance from her that she will love me still even if I fail sometimes... I'm just human. Not that it's a reason, but everyone falls sometimes, right? But what matters is the direction we are in... in a marathon, as long as you're running in the right direction, you're bound to get to the finish line no matter how often you have to stumble. I hope to make it a point to always set my eyes on the pleasing and perfect will of God that I may please him always with my life.
And as a by-product, I hope to make my family happy and proud of me.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Aw. Soli deo gloria. Love you Lord...you're all I need.
Now this is the case. There are only two instances I was hurt so bad that the pain made me ask God to just take my life and get on with it: One was when I was compelled to say goodbye to...*** and the other was this. I felt so ashamed with what I have done that it hurt so much to admit it. But I bravely came forth and took responsibility for my fault. I'm not denying anything. I just believe that a mature person ought to take the consequences like a man... or in this case, like a true Christian. My biggest burden is that I felt that I have so disgraced the Lord with my actions when I'm supposed to be glorifying him. Second is that it doesn't feel good to look weak and bad in front of your own family, especially my ma whom I love so much.
There. Not discussing the issue. But I guess this makes me want to be more aware of pleasing God...and to watch my actions carefully. Also, one more thing- I need to make sure I'm pleasing God first and not other people, not even my mother. You can't please people, and with such motive we're bound to be miserable. Feel ko kasi I'm returning to that... like I want to have the assurance from her that she will love me still even if I fail sometimes... I'm just human. Not that it's a reason, but everyone falls sometimes, right? But what matters is the direction we are in... in a marathon, as long as you're running in the right direction, you're bound to get to the finish line no matter how often you have to stumble. I hope to make it a point to always set my eyes on the pleasing and perfect will of God that I may please him always with my life.
And as a by-product, I hope to make my family happy and proud of me.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
Aw. Soli deo gloria. Love you Lord...you're all I need.
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