Emotional Imbalance...among all things...

Today I feel that time has somehow slowed down...di ko alam kung bakit ako ganito...I feel that I am having problems with my emotional balancing. Kanina naman I was happy and even ecstatic (tell you later why)...now am feeling drained of all the pleasure that I've been given today...

Must be the lack of sleep playing at me...or maybe because of too much energy sapped by too much laughter and harot while the teacher's not around...

But what the heck...I got dismissed at 3pm because our teacher didn't show up for some reason. And Ma plans to fetch me at around five, so I got the time off. I was going to do my homework for the next five meetings but I can't seem to finish it off because I haven't got my answers yet!

Just an hour ago someone snapped me back to reality that we were gonna pass only one chapter assignment (I've made 4 chapter assignments for the lecture and 1 paper for the intro to parasitology- something we won't be discussing until next next week).

And to think I thought I was a sluggish bum and a happy-go-lucky nursing stud (yah right)...hahahaha...

Tif said I was OC last night...(Overcharming...xp hahahahahaha!) Again I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have such beautiful friends...pero ako pa rin pinakamaganda! (nagpoprotesta na yan!) hahahahah! Jk!

Kukuwento na lang muna ako about my day, as I can't do my research on the net about some economy thang...

• Morning was report time in my 'favorite' subject, Chemistry. I was thirty minutes late, yet I strolled to the lab, rm 124, like some lady in the park...tapos yun pala mali yung napasukan kong room!:( It turned out to be the other half of the class, paying attention to their reporters! I went off as they informed me that I was supposed to be in room 130.
• Room 130. La pa si prof. She came at eight, and how fortunate is that? Hehehehe. Poor James was sick and wearing the tigers jacket, btw...maybe because he was having the chills. He just came in because of this report about Lipids...
• Quote for the day, by Lorenz, our class president- "Pick up the pieces of dirt." bwahahahahaha
• After the reporting, there was no more time to review for the post test, as usual. But just when I was feeling apprehensive of flunking this one (getting a usual grade of 2, 3, 1...over 15), I got a 13! Yeah! (beat Christian who got 9 today. Was very happy about it.)
• I felt proud of my efforts. I felt most ecstatic upon the thought of God giving me 'a pat on the back' for deciding to have faith and pick myself up this time, unlike last grading period when I literally messed things up because of hopelesness and negativity.
• Later, Theology. I had to pray. Opening prayer was good. Closing prayer, I ended it with the meal prayer (bless us o, Lord and these your gifts...)- Mr. Manaloto said to the class right after that I must have gotten hungry, hahahaha.
• On the way to my lunch place, I remembered Therese...hope she's fine today...
• In the pm, after the activity in English class, we enjoyed a long break by talking as a groupie along the corridor. It was first all casual talking that turned to a series of asaran, then singing club with dancing, then lessons on how to hug (because Jords accused Yanni of not being knowledgeable in that), hahahaha. It was tiring, but fun pala, to be mingling with some of my classmates other than Christian and Yanni only.
• And dismissed na kasi nga di dumating ung prof nmin.

the aftermath...(although we don't have Math subjects now...hahaha)

Thus the end of our preliminary exams...and for the last test (Filipino), I showed up fashionably late and exhausted from all the last-time hassles caused by my meeting with Pa and my uncle an hour earlier, hahahaha...

Now, bitz n' pieces for the week...

1. Party ni Bequa...success, thank God...I felt very happy because it was a sort of reunion for me and my friends, and that it was one of those few things I didn't mess up! I missed my fellows who showed up there. It was an honor to be a host in one of my close friends' party too! I think Sha and Idid a great job at it. Bequa was beautiful, I kept telling her all night...'from the hair...to the lips...to the nails...to the SHOES!' (line from a hiphop song...hahahaha!)

The new people I saw there from DLSU were all nice and funny, contrary to what I had in mind during the first meetings...and hey, as long as Bequa (and Pau) says they're good, they're good enough for me! (that's how I usually know who the 'befriendables' are, heheh..)

Also, something queer happened later on the afterparty...while most people were saying goodbye, Bequa's father handed me a hong pao and turned to leave before I could protest. And before I ran after him, I already thought that the chances he's going to have it back from me is zero, so I just stood there, feeling kind of embarrassed as I shouted my thanks behind him. But later at home, Ma said it was nothing to be ashamed about, it was given to me in a hong paw after all, and not in some other means...so all I can say is thanks.

2. Just a while ago I spent two hours of my break with my UST berkz, Arianne and Christian. Yani was supposed to go back to her dorm and sleep until one, and Christian had been eager to get home fast (to see Rache somewhere in the neighborhood, probably- though he's denying it).

But how I did it...
To Yani- Christian and I pulled her to come with us as she was about to walk back to her dormitory...
To Christian- I used my awa effect...whatever you call it...I didn't know I had such 'powers'...
(after zoo lab test...)

Peach: Ey, kakain ka ba dito after ng exam?
Christian: Ay...hindi. Uuwi na ako sa amin...
Peach: Ay, ganun? E di hindi na rin ako kakain mamaya kina Manang...(coz honestly I didn't want to eat alone, was planning on going to SM alone, if ever)
Christian: Ay, sige, dito na rin ako kakain...(<- dito umepekto ang awa effect- bad peachie!)

And thus Peach won her companions for lunch...which is honestly waay better than going around SM on my solo adventure na napaka-typical sa kin...hahahaha)

Right now solo ko ang PC at pinakikinggan ang OPM CD ni Christian (just received it from him today, kinda cool...except for the first song he had wanted Yani and me to hear...'pare, akin na lang siya...something something...can anyone tell me the title of that ridiculous song?? it's driving me nuts...).

Anyway Tif lost the singing contest...but that's ok coz she's really a great singer...I prefer her singing english high notes to chinese ones. And I just hope she can find time to rest and loosen up (preferrably with Keith :)) after that thesis gets done...

And Teddy...I hope they stop harrassing her na, those mean...(I can do worse to them than they can to her, hmph...) I sure hope they see her the way I see her...she's deserving naman ah! She works hard, I can attest to that...

Haay...that's it for my bloggie here...

Something I wrote down

Oh, my friend, beloved
Let me love you safe instead
Upon your troubles deep
Allow me to let you sleep
Peace is a silent moment away

Let me sing of happiness
Embrace you with all the sweetness
Upon your state of blunder
Grant me your surrender

If only you can feel
Make me make you still
Grant me your surrender
Now rest your head in slumber
Over your state of blunder

This promise I give you
As I have longed to do
I want to be there
Keep you as I dare
Never let you go
Allow this heart to let you know

Be right there when you call
Or catch you when you fall

Catch you when you fall

Latest Peachness, and her sleeping probz...

Hay, what's the latest? A lunch of a waffle and a walk to the lib with Christian after that sleepy zoology lecture with Ma'am Sevilla...hmm...

But rather strange and so antagonistic that when I shouldn't be resting my head on my notes, I do exactly just that! And when I'm free and can rest my head then...I don't feel the urge to.

Yesternight I slept from five to eight thirty...I was genuinely tired...had thought of going over to Tif and Therese's place, but while I was deciding whether to text them about it, I fell asleep! Hay! Later on, I remade my notes (for the second time) about muscles and nervous tissues (post lab later) and decided to hit the bed at exactly one am...and that's when I found it hard to reach REM stage (that's when you dream, about level four sleep)! I knew I was at bed and was supposed to sleep, but at the same time I was subconsciously thinking of the skit we'd have to perform on Theology, Thrusday- for sir Manaloto...weird!

Today I got five minutes late for PE class, and had to skip the first hour because of that five minute loss...but because of that I won two new acquaintances, Prince and Rej. And yeap, that new and finally permanent PE pairup of mine in Folk Dancing (pampil pilalekan)- Ryan. His moreno charm is sooo against his dancing skills (you know what I mean, the nasty commentator...)

Lately I got hooked into this new hype of mine...American Idol...yep, I know, I'm soo behind coz it's...some season already, but I'm lovin' it, as in...xp

And recently we had a blast, Berenice, Shuri, and of course, me (at Shuri's place). Berenice asked me to teach her a few skills to master with the guitars in my place last Jan 28, 2006. Next day I asked her to teach me a bit about piano playing...she said I was a perfectionist! Well, new kind of love...Peach is such a bad player of piano, my hands got too used to playing the guitar, so my fingers don't relax too often...xp Ey Cob, you're soo far behind compared to Bechan (as Miss Luna used to say, if you remember her)...

OK...have to stop this...just dropped by for this one posting, hahahaha!

Things to look forward to this time-
-Later, game of SJ vs X (or I dunno)
-Maybe I'll see Tif and Teddy and mommy
-Tomorrow, Les Miserables play to watch as part of our finals
-Another piano and guitar session with my Bech and Shuri beloved
-Dental appointment, which I must schedule later (last last last last...to the nth time pa dpat)
-And yep...MYMP concert...
-Bequa's big night at the first day of my prelimz...but what the heck...
-SM with Yanni and Christian after prelims (pending, kasi wla png definite plan and permission slip!)

OK...must go check mail and not let Christian fall asleep with the Religion books (we're at the Religious section of the lib, btw)...and I must get moving with my postlab coming up next, this one pm...chicken feet I must say, and my friend here is up to no good again, influencing me not to take in too much of the pressure for that test...

Hahahaha! Lov y'all...take care!

Btw, just a plug-in- best friend, take care of "Bechan"!

if only...

No, Peach isn't talking about that Jennifer Love movie...just wondering if circumstances were different from what they are now...if I would be happier.

I am now on this reflecting level of thinking...I go through that process often, especially when I am faced with several decisions, options...just a while ago my seatmate had called me for five times until I heard her, coz i had my head in the clouds then...hmm...

I am sad of the fact that I am obliged to conform with my co-nursing studs in getting really excellent grades, not the good enough grades that I usually smile about before, coz i think that means i did ok...I am sad that most of my real berkz have gone- or are going- separate ways. It is not something we really intend, by there's the truth of it. We all come and go...and I am sad about it. It took two sems for me to get used to the absence of my sj pals here in ust, in fact.

Just this afternoon in English class my teacher revealed to me that our class will be spending four years together, no changing of groups (as in)! We have no choice but to settle disagreements, if any..

But I soo do not like my class- generally. They're soo uncooperative with our leaders, they do not listen to instructions and think that all is a game! sheesh...

But I will have to deal with them if I want to go to the next level of nursing...the art of healing! hahahahaha

ok, ok stop na nga ako...hmmm....

"Battered-up" Peach (wonder how would that be)

December 15, 2005...a walk to remember (from the Med Bldg to Benavides and back)

Man, that test made me angry...real frustrated! I never really cared about my grades in Chemistry, so what the heck...

*people were minding their businesses inside the lab that afternoon, after lunch (I didn't even eat for this test)...all were expressing their frustrations like me, or asking each other's scores...OC ever...some clung on to their friends...*

Well...what about Peachie? What about me? I looked around for someone and found...

*Arianne was taking her time explaining and consoling others who did not do as well as she did...smart girl...and Christian...well, he took the test late because of classes overlapping...now he got a minus two and he's already laughing at his carelessness...*

I stood right behind him the whole time til he got his grade...and I asked him what his grade was. But before he could tell me, I decided to skip it and go right outside to mourn upon my own little defeat, as I always had before...

But I didn't make it out then...Arianne got in my way and tried to make me happy because she knew what was coming there...

I smiled and said, "I'm ok..." (now that's an overused cliche of my living here)

But she wasn't covinced. I said bye before she could ask me anything else and headed to the second floor to copy the list of test sched for the next three days...while trying to hold my tears.

When I felt almost sure that she and the others were gone, I hurried down and half-decided to go home alone (kahit hindi pwede)...straight to the corridor by the dean's office...and there Christian sat.

No! I can't let him see me like this!

I dashed to the exit, but not before he slipped out of the dean's office to call me...he ran faster and caught up with me...he was like, "Anni, bingi k tlg, ndulas n nga ako s kkhbol s yo...mccra cute face k s yo..." (anu dw?)

I fell silent and just smiled, "I didn't want you to see me like this..." And then I cried.

We walked to the phone booth corner. I wanted to go home and sleep it all off, but he wouldn't let me.

"Anni, stop crying, ayaw kong nkkta ng umiiyak sa harap ko." And that made me stop.

And then I told him my problem...the diagnosis:

• Partly dala ng frustration sa Chemistry, pero my closest friends...Arianne and Christian...so great in Chem...and me...so insecure...not so gifted with the compounds...
• Sanay ako na maraming naitutulong sa friends ko, especially those dear to me...and now wla akong maisip na maibigay kay Christian, puro na lng xa ang bida sa Chem and I'm the helpless innocent/ignorante...must be underlying pride to want independence from others...
• I fear the time when these two friends of mine leave me alone sa next year if they get tired of me.

I told him all these...and he suddenly said, "Anni, I don't think I've told you...ikaw friend kta. Now, what is a friend?"

Natigilan ako kasi I forgot that he was not just a companion...must be all the doubts...

He said, "Anni, bakit kta friend? Hindi dahil Anni is bubbly...hindi dahil I like a part of you...but because you are you."

Man, that's my principle in friendship and he was throwing it back at me.

And then we walked outside...we saw fungi and rain as we talked about my prob...and stopped beside this cart of ice cream near the post office of the main bldg...

"Nakakain k n b ng ice cream and bread?" ---Negative and answer ko

He bought me one and urged me to eat dun sa mlapit sa favorite seat nmin sa lovers' lane...he couldn't make me laugh,I know all of his jokes and I was better at that, so he tried piecing up some wise sayings, but couldn't get them out there at once, so he brought out his cell and read to me a few of his favorite quotes...it kind of made me feel happy...

Honestly I hated the ice cream, tasted like bavarian donut...but his company really helped me force it all down to 1/4...and then we walked back to the nursing pav, my spirits somehow lifted with the reminder that Christian and the rest of my chosen friends are here to stay.

So far the biggest lesson that hit me in my entire stay in UST- Everyone needs a friend to help them out!

I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, forcing to do my own stuff most of the time...and felt bad and defeated when I would get someone's help at work...when all that person wanted more often than not is to plainly help me in the name of friendship...and not go superior...

I'm just being proud, so that's a mistake...kahit na sabihin ko pang work lang yan.

Grades for the first sem

I think I have soooo underestimated myself...for the whole sem break I did not make any attempts to view my grades online, maybe because I was afaind to face the truth...or so it seemed to me. Quite frankly I think I am satisfied with the results...here goes...

• My highest score is 1.5...in Psychology and...guess what, Theology!
• Lowest score- chem, 2.75 (I was expecting 3 below, which is failure! Hahahaha! Whew...)
• **My lowest grade tlga, though thankfully not included sa gen ave computation, is 3- sa volleyball (what do you expect, I'm baaaad at sports- Peach and balls just don't match (no greens intended! hahahahaha!)

I know it's kinda high for a dream, but I wanna be part of the dean's list...(I need 1.75 average, no academic score lower than 2.75...)

• And my average for the first sem...1.8

Ey, btw- I wanna read the tenth ish of Legion---Tif! pabgay nmn k Keith! - my bro, I mean- hahahaha! Hope ur ok! tctc!