Whenever I get very jealous
It's like nothing in the day is ever right
I get all moody and darkly serious
The world stops turning and loses its light
Jealousy is not a blessed feeling. While some people would say that it's fine because it's a proof of love...no it's not...it's more of a deep-seated insecurity left unresolved. And also, sabi nga ng isang tao sa kin, "Useless yan." True enough, it's a waste of time pondering something that can only be resolved by free will.
Swallowed by the menace of the green eyed monster
I toss in my thoughts of deep self-pity
I drown in the endless queries and wonders
Right down to the heart of, "Does no one love me?"
I have a lot to learn in handling this tendency of mine. It's becoming a stumbling block for me. I want NOT to be jealous and be a better person...to be able to have more room for blessedness and growth...
But God is enough for loving me
I don't need the love of everyone
I need to see the futility
Of my jealousy when it has won
Jealousy is nothing short
Of profound vulnerability
The beauty of truth it seeks to distort
Til we lose sight of reality
I feel that in the course of change, I need people to help me somehow. Consciously I don't want to feel jealous anymore...not with my friends, my family...my love...but then...this want becomes forgotten when the feeling creeps up to me in my unguarded moments...and it overcomes me more often than I want it to. I guess...no, I think it's rooted in my insecurity. And I accept it as my weakness...something I strongly believe I have to change.
Don't crumble under such feelings, be strong
Steadfast and faithful...as love should be
Let truth expose it, baseless and wrong
Stand firm my dear, and yes, come free!
With God's help...I hope to change this attitude once and for all.
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