Significant Change

About two hours before my birthday, I am being reflective. Hmm.

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...

What has changed? And does change really matter?

I remember celebrating my birthday last year in a Korean eatery with an uncanny bunch- a mix of my Pinoy and Korean friends. One of them, who was my student, even bothered to buy a small, round buttercream cake tinged with gay pink food coloring. Thankfully he doesn't know that I dislike sweets, so after singing through the birthday rituals, well...I sliced the pastry, but I didn't take a single bite. Secretly. Hehe. Perhaps they failed to notice that past the bottles of white and red sparklers... but that's another thing. Anyway it was really nice. It was filled with well-wishes and the promise of another new beginning.

I guess just like on every New Year's Day, people want to start anew on their birthdays. (Or is this something I'm alone at?) On their birthdays, people want to have something to improve on. They want growth. They expect progress. Even with much verbal denial, I must say that I yearn for that as well. I think about it, too.

So back to my question- What has changed about me? And does it really matter?

For one thing, I feel that I have met a lot more failures than before, lost a lot more hair than before, and read a lot more books than before. Predictable. Taught more students for one more year, made more friends, and learned a lot more grammar points than the last year. Nice. Loved and lost, belonged to a church, and made a lot of fellows. Unbelievable. Learned about sanctification, experienced the power of the Holy Spirit, and knew more than ever, with all my being, that God loves me because of His goodness alone and not mine. Sublime.

Hmm. I believe that a personal time of reflection is necessary on one's birthday- not because the regular contemplation rubs off the novelty of it (come on, there's a need for personal quiet time). I think this is true because it makes us realize- with all the undeserved blessings of a prosperous life, and even THE undeserved life that we have- that we are all, simply, under God's grace. And that realization ought to make us grow more in love with the Lord.

I read somewhere that if I can say that I love the Lord more this year than the last, then in that sense I can say that I am truly progressive in my life- a living progress. I must say that having a deepening relationship with the Lord is probably the only really significant change in my life. Other forms of progress may die with the rest of the world, but not this constant growth that I have with (and because of) my Father. As long as I have Him, then I'll keep on counting my blessings. I'll keep on celebrating my birthdays. I'll continue blowing candles and reflecting tirelesly with each passing year.

So with all the failures, the tears, the mistakes... AND with all the success, the laughter, the accomplishments... Thank you Lord and happy birthday to me!