if only...
No, Peach isn't talking about that Jennifer Love movie...just wondering if circumstances were different from what they are now...if I would be happier.
I am now on this reflecting level of thinking...I go through that process often, especially when I am faced with several decisions, options...just a while ago my seatmate had called me for five times until I heard her, coz i had my head in the clouds then...hmm...
I am sad of the fact that I am obliged to conform with my co-nursing studs in getting really excellent grades, not the good enough grades that I usually smile about before, coz i think that means i did ok...I am sad that most of my real berkz have gone- or are going- separate ways. It is not something we really intend, by there's the truth of it. We all come and go...and I am sad about it. It took two sems for me to get used to the absence of my sj pals here in ust, in fact.
Just this afternoon in English class my teacher revealed to me that our class will be spending four years together, no changing of groups (as in)! We have no choice but to settle disagreements, if any..
But I soo do not like my class- generally. They're soo uncooperative with our leaders, they do not listen to instructions and think that all is a game! sheesh...
But I will have to deal with them if I want to go to the next level of nursing...the art of healing! hahahahaha
ok, ok stop na nga ako...hmmm....
"Battered-up" Peach (wonder how would that be)
December 15, 2005...a walk to remember (from the Med Bldg to Benavides and back)
Man, that test made me angry...real frustrated! I never really cared about my grades in Chemistry, so what the heck...
*people were minding their businesses inside the lab that afternoon, after lunch (I didn't even eat for this test)...all were expressing their frustrations like me, or asking each other's scores...OC ever...some clung on to their friends...*
Well...what about Peachie? What about me? I looked around for someone and found...
*Arianne was taking her time explaining and consoling others who did not do as well as she did...smart girl...and Christian...well, he took the test late because of classes overlapping...now he got a minus two and he's already laughing at his carelessness...*I stood right behind him the whole time til he got his grade...and I asked him what his grade was. But before he could tell me, I decided to skip it and go right outside to mourn upon my own little defeat, as I always had before...
But I didn't make it out then...Arianne got in my way and tried to make me happy because she knew what was coming there...
I smiled and said, "I'm ok..." (now that's an overused cliche of my living here)
But she wasn't covinced. I said bye before she could ask me anything else and headed to the second floor to copy the list of test sched for the next three days...while trying to hold my tears.
When I felt almost sure that she and the others were gone, I hurried down and half-decided to go home alone (kahit hindi pwede)...straight to the corridor by the dean's office...and there Christian sat.
No! I can't let him see me like this!
I dashed to the exit, but not before he slipped out of the dean's office to call me...he ran faster and caught up with me...he was like, "Anni, bingi k tlg, ndulas n nga ako s kkhbol s yo...mccra cute face k s yo..." (anu dw?)
I fell silent and just smiled, "I didn't want you to see me like this..." And then I cried.
We walked to the phone booth corner. I wanted to go home and sleep it all off, but he wouldn't let me.
"Anni, stop crying, ayaw kong nkkta ng umiiyak sa harap ko." And that made me stop.
And then I told him my problem...the diagnosis:
- Partly dala ng frustration sa Chemistry, pero my closest friends...Arianne and Christian...so great in Chem...and me...so insecure...not so gifted with the compounds...
- Sanay ako na maraming naitutulong sa friends ko, especially those dear to me...and now wla akong maisip na maibigay kay Christian, puro na lng xa ang bida sa Chem and I'm the helpless innocent/ignorante...must be underlying pride to want independence from others...
- I fear the time when these two friends of mine leave me alone sa next year if they get tired of me.
Natigilan ako kasi I forgot that he was not just a companion...must be all the doubts...
He said, "Anni, bakit kta friend? Hindi dahil Anni is bubbly...hindi dahil I like a part of you...but because you are you."
Man, that's my principle in friendship and he was throwing it back at me.
And then we walked outside...we saw fungi and rain as we talked about my prob...and stopped beside this cart of ice cream near the post office of the main bldg...
"Nakakain k n b ng ice cream and bread?" ---Negative and answer ko
He bought me one and urged me to eat dun sa mlapit sa favorite seat nmin sa lovers' lane...he couldn't make me laugh,I know all of his jokes and I was better at that, so he tried piecing up some wise sayings, but couldn't get them out there at once, so he brought out his cell and read to me a few of his favorite quotes...it kind of made me feel happy...
Honestly I hated the ice cream, tasted like bavarian donut...but his company really helped me force it all down to 1/4...and then we walked back to the nursing pav, my spirits somehow lifted with the reminder that Christian and the rest of my chosen friends are here to stay.
So far the biggest lesson that hit me in my entire stay in UST- Everyone needs a friend to help them out!
I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, forcing to do my own stuff most of the time...and felt bad and defeated when I would get someone's help at work...when all that person wanted more often than not is to plainly help me in the name of friendship...and not go superior...
I'm just being proud, so that's a mistake...kahit na sabihin ko pang work lang yan.
Grades for the first sem
I think I have soooo underestimated myself...for the whole sem break I did not make any attempts to view my grades online, maybe because I was afaind to face the truth...or so it seemed to me. Quite frankly I think I am satisfied with the results...here goes...
- My highest score is 1.5...in Psychology and...guess what, Theology!
- Lowest score- chem, 2.75 (I was expecting 3 below, which is failure! Hahahaha! Whew...)
- **My lowest grade tlga, though thankfully not included sa gen ave computation, is 3- sa volleyball (what do you expect, I'm baaaad at sports- Peach and balls just don't match (no greens intended! hahahahaha!)
- And my average for the first sem...1.8
Break ko from 8 to 11 2day wahahaha
Ey, it's me again, the adventurer, the wanderer of our small small world...right now I am in the humanities section, 5th flr of the big big library of this univeristy. There are many things I miss right now, since second sem started...
1. I miss Philosophy, and all the rambles during that one hour period...not to mention the amusing tandem of those two fave teachers of mine...haay!
2. I miss my berkies...Teddy, Tiff, Rat, Shuri, Bern mylabs (who js had her bday ysterdy), Ian, Jep...I wonder how my "Family" is doing too...hope Rat is not starving the kids...hahahaha!
3. I miss the old high school sched. My sched is m-t:7 to 4, though may breaks like these when I can actually bond with some people I wna b friends with (like yesterday usap kmi ni Jonathan Tseng for more than an hour, then lunch I met two of his blokm8s n frnds na ok rn nmn para maexpose ako, then now im spnding time with a new friend of mine, Christian)
4. I miss bestfriend. Globe is such a bad network- yep, that's a fallacy- hasty generalization, but it's not working well for my msgs for him! I txtd him 6x na, no rep pa rin- either I don't get his msgs or he doesn't get mine! And that's making me a zombie kasi I've been worried sick since sunday!!!
OK, so much for the miss-u thangs...tctc ha, can't visit for a while, medyo busy ang bruha (dts me)
Just greetings
Just wanna greet you sj peepz kasi last day na! As I write this I'm sure you are all in the testing area, trying to sqeeze whatever your brains have managed to suck in last night...xp eeeewwww. nwy hp you guys enjoy the weekend...konting days n lng nmn b4 bakasyon, so tiis na lang kayo ppl! take care and I congratulate you for a job well done! and remember! Peach loves you always!Mwahhhh!
The Advantages of Competition
Yes, you read me right...I take back what I've said in my last blog...about competition being a disadvantage in the course of courtship...
You see, right after I wrote this last blog, I met up with Lorenz and had lunch with him. He was freshly motivated by our Psych prof, Mr. Maglalang, about this factor in courtship. Of course, while eating spaghetti and chicken in Jollibee, he discussed to me what advice this great guy had for him. After careful analysis, I change my perspective of competition...
Turns out, it's quite an advantage! (You guys read this clear!) Think this in a smart man's perspective: If I choose to go for the girl depite the high competition rate, I will be given more assurance that if ever she chooses to take me in, she won't go trading me for any of her other wanna-be Romeos, because she'd already be choosing the best!
Generally, girls with lots of guys pampering them with admiration would be prompted to choose the best, the creme de la creme, the biggest diamond in the minefield...gets? And think this: In the course of the relationship, trust goes high however you see it.
There! Just clarifying...hope you people find this info useful! Many thanks to our dear prof...
People need people to grow
No man is an island. Yes, it's a lamey, but it is true...it holds true to this time, especially this time that I'm reflecting on this basic thought. Why? Well it just occured to me that God actually sent me my elite set of agents- aka my true friends- to help me realize which areas I need reparing and development.
For instance, when long before when I was a rotten, untrusting pessimist who wanted to be left alone, He brought me to my lot in first year. He gave me Tiffany and Shane to help me accept and love myself. He gave me Therese, Herschel, and Leanne to help me trust people and love them unconditionally. They all helped me turn my feelings into audible words that they would gladly listen to- and not just to the limits of my notebooks and fantasy.
Later Paulo came and taught me about courage and how to value my friends right. Jonreph came with the lesson of, 'Never give up!' (tell me about it, esp. in Math)
I'm still growing, and I am happy that I am learning through this whole process. I am very thankful for the people who stood up for me, particularly in my early life. Most of all I am very grateful for God, who is forever crazy about me.
Funny bonuses...Andrew came to teach me about appreciating text messages. Now Paulo is teaching me (I think) how not to be afraid of phone calls...(will discuss this phobia some other time, it's not funny!- for those who are laughing)
Two hours ago, Lorenz and I were walking to CFAD...we discussed the need for others to grow. We rounded up on the topic of something like this: We build relationships with people and grow through sharing lives with them. It is in the nature of man to find people similar to himself and develop intimate bonds with them. This is an undeniable fact.
The only thing worse than death is being a living dead...walking the face of this world without yielding to growth.
OK, gtg- have to go back to my class by one pm...
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