Sometimes I believe I understand the ultimate meaning and purpose of life in my relationship with God. But on the other hand, when darkness tolls in...I tend to feel blank...like an imbecile in things. (Which shouldn't be the case if I just take my daily dose of the Word, grr...)
As I am feeling that way now I cannot help but ask within myself, 'What exactly have I gotten myself into?' (By this I refer to my immature relationship with God.)
I guess I will forever wonder about that. I will always have my doubts, my imperfections, my blunders, my weird moments with him. I will still be hurt, still cry, still get frustrated with him...yet still love and be loved so much more in return.
With all the hardships I have on a regular basis I feel like giving up and just leading a wasted life like most of us. But on the other hand I don't ever want to lose sight of him- which can happen so easily with the glimmer of worldly glory or the intimidating troubles in the wind.
Ay. I'm being such a reflective being here. I want to rest. And meditate on the word as I should. I need nourishment. I need to know what God wants. I'm sure what I'm doing is not so fine for him...
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