Maybe that was what some people would consider morning sickness...hmm...
I woke up at around ten this am, feeling really woozy due to staying up at around 2 am, forcing myself to sleep and forget about my new introspection (which is really weird but that's not really the topic here, so let's leave it at that).
After doing my morning stuff lying down, my brother entered my room and told me to get up and cook rice. I finally pulled myself up sa bed at bumangon na rin after the second call. At tama ang prediction ko kasi pagdating ko dun sa kusina my goodness I see Mt. Everest sa sink (mountain of plates). Of course, unwritten rule dito, I have to wash them all for starters.
Now I know naman nothing's fair and I have already resolved my thoughts with that rule, pero malay ko, maybe it's my impending cold or my waking up at the wrong side of the bed that I started my monologue of 'unfair-why-me' whim alone there while my hands worked roughly with the kitchenwares. When my bro came in I ranted at him, flaring up so badly on why they can't just be considerate enough to wash their own cups at least, come on...
Tapos the weirdest, naiyak pa ko sa inis. I saw the very ruined floor that I had so patiently cleaned, the once orderly living room which was now decorated with varsity bags and soiled shirts from the afterplay of basketball...I just had to feel sorry for myself.
After getting done with dishwashing I marched to my mother's room, dearly wishing to express my concerns regarding this lack of regard. Unexpectedly she told of my brothers to at least clear the living room of their things. At dahil sa naiiyak na naman ako at ayoko lang na makikita nila, I retreated to my room (yung totoong kwarto ko) and mused for about ten minutes, reflecting on what I had felt and done as a result.
At alam kong mali lahat yun...sorry Lord. I had to smile though with the recent thing I read- 'Why God seems to do nothing'. Here's what it is about, more or less:
When innocents get killed or oppressed, we say it is unfair. We mostly have to question why God is doing nothing about it. Of course by faith we know that God is omnipotent, and if he wants to he can just smite down murderers and oppressors. But why does he not do those things?
To answer that, I have to do a bit of analogy. Nung tayo ba nag-aaral before, do we ever think that maybe our parents could do this for us? Of course they could. Nadaanan na nila eh. Pero they don't interfere with the natural course of our learning. Why? because if they do, wala tayong matututunan. Sure, we can get off the hardships easily, di ba- get great scores, be first in our class...pero we don't really grow kasi hindi natin naranasan.
Parang ganun rin si Lord. He has to exercise the art of constraining love. That in order for us to grow in love he has to do as a parent does and let us liberally experience hardships and learn from them.
And here's the most important thing: di ba when the times comes and we realize how our parents have given us so much through learning independently, we become strong and we even thank them, appreciate them, and love them...we learn to trust them more by the time.
Pero tao lang sila, imperfect. Eh what more si God, perfect. Here's the big idea: God wants us to learn the most important thing here in this phase called life: He wants us to discover his greatest love and to trust him fully in spite of everything that's happening around us.
"The factors of the world seem too great that it takes an unshakable faith to see God's kingship, He who sits on the throne that is unassailable yet very accessible to us who love him."
my poem
Just browsed this again sa net...kinda sad. Pero cool. :) Read...
I noticed how lately you seem so not yourself- you’re quite aloof
My loving heart felt quite uncertain, it suddenly yearned for proof
I pressed myself against your chest, expecting your embrace
When it didn’t come I reached for your hand which moved away from place
Looking deeply in your eyes, such fervent passioned spheres
I saw love’s fire, right from the heart of a loving man, so fierce
But I knew from then, I realized, this loving passion is
For another one we know who’s there- the one you’re sure to miss
Once dreamt of telling you the truth of who my first love is
Once thought of sharing all about how you bring me bliss
But from where I’m standing now I see love crystal clear
Way out of reach, beyond my stretch of road, it’s nowhere near
It hurts to think I was the one who finally made you smile
It pains me worse to remember how I even stayed awhile
I thought I had it better than the one who used to be
But truth be damned it’s her you love- and never was it me
I noticed how lately you seem so not yourself- you’re quite aloof
My loving heart felt quite uncertain, it suddenly yearned for proof
I pressed myself against your chest, expecting your embrace
When it didn’t come I reached for your hand which moved away from place
Looking deeply in your eyes, such fervent passioned spheres
I saw love’s fire, right from the heart of a loving man, so fierce
But I knew from then, I realized, this loving passion is
For another one we know who’s there- the one you’re sure to miss
Once dreamt of telling you the truth of who my first love is
Once thought of sharing all about how you bring me bliss
But from where I’m standing now I see love crystal clear
Way out of reach, beyond my stretch of road, it’s nowhere near
It hurts to think I was the one who finally made you smile
It pains me worse to remember how I even stayed awhile
I thought I had it better than the one who used to be
But truth be damned it’s her you love- and never was it me
Timeout sa holy week
I am soo soo bored.
Anyway I'm just so happy that I got this chance to write again, as I don't think I can go on like this for another day longer.
Flashback: Two days ago I was taken to my father's place sa Caloocan to be the props person there, meaning dahil wlang tao around there, I had to be there just so no one would come in without permission...and yeah, to answer the phone calls as well. At pumayag na rin ako para malay ko ba, makabonding ko pla siya. And also para wlang msabi ang other side of the family...at para hindi na rin siguro magbarkada trip ang lalaking to, inuman na naman yan, haay.
Ay ayun, from wed night to friday night I was there all the time, kain, tulog, tv...man, I really lived the life of the pig. I don't like it, kasi I kept thinking of the house floor...which I had painstakingly cleaned with chlorox right before I left.
Other concerns include my dread for my mom's temper, kasi sa totoo she was very very uncomfortable with sending me over there, basta, some family thing...yet I could not help but smile at that kasi dun ko nakita ang rare display of concern niya, hehehe. Kakatuwa, parang batang ninakawan ng toy bigla, hahahaha! I had agreed na one night lang ang stay ko dun pero na-extend ng two kasi naawa naman ako sa tatay ko, I mean...he sees me less oft so siya ang pinili kong pagbigyan. So that's one...
And another is hindi tlg ako nakatulog mabuti dun. First night I slept at 330am. Tapos ung next night thanks to repa I had someone to talk to until 1245 when he decided to sleep na rin and I eventually laughed myself to sleep at what he had said then. At dito na rin umiral ung katarayan ko on the first night when my father, despite my protest, went off with his berkies and went on a beer trip. He deined it, eh kaso amoy ko siya eh, you know the smell of beer, right? At ayun, tinarayan ko, hindi ko pinansin when he told me to get to sleep and stop watching tv. Epal kaa....
Hmm...pero may hapi thing rin naman, like food trips...I had halohalo for 2 straight days, then out of my whim, my father bought me a can of pineapple slices at around ten in the eve because I was getting restless then. Tapos nung nagcomplain akong nagugutom na ko at wlang dinner sa house, we went off sa monumento to eat chowking (man, bakit naman sa lahat ng options...).
Si therese, katext ko rin so I felt comforted with that. I want to talk to her some more...hmm...kailan kya un?
I just have to plan the outing real quick. But how...
Anyway I'm just so happy that I got this chance to write again, as I don't think I can go on like this for another day longer.
Flashback: Two days ago I was taken to my father's place sa Caloocan to be the props person there, meaning dahil wlang tao around there, I had to be there just so no one would come in without permission...and yeah, to answer the phone calls as well. At pumayag na rin ako para malay ko ba, makabonding ko pla siya. And also para wlang msabi ang other side of the family...at para hindi na rin siguro magbarkada trip ang lalaking to, inuman na naman yan, haay.
Ay ayun, from wed night to friday night I was there all the time, kain, tulog, tv...man, I really lived the life of the pig. I don't like it, kasi I kept thinking of the house floor...which I had painstakingly cleaned with chlorox right before I left.
Other concerns include my dread for my mom's temper, kasi sa totoo she was very very uncomfortable with sending me over there, basta, some family thing...yet I could not help but smile at that kasi dun ko nakita ang rare display of concern niya, hehehe. Kakatuwa, parang batang ninakawan ng toy bigla, hahahaha! I had agreed na one night lang ang stay ko dun pero na-extend ng two kasi naawa naman ako sa tatay ko, I mean...he sees me less oft so siya ang pinili kong pagbigyan. So that's one...
And another is hindi tlg ako nakatulog mabuti dun. First night I slept at 330am. Tapos ung next night thanks to repa I had someone to talk to until 1245 when he decided to sleep na rin and I eventually laughed myself to sleep at what he had said then. At dito na rin umiral ung katarayan ko on the first night when my father, despite my protest, went off with his berkies and went on a beer trip. He deined it, eh kaso amoy ko siya eh, you know the smell of beer, right? At ayun, tinarayan ko, hindi ko pinansin when he told me to get to sleep and stop watching tv. Epal kaa....
Hmm...pero may hapi thing rin naman, like food trips...I had halohalo for 2 straight days, then out of my whim, my father bought me a can of pineapple slices at around ten in the eve because I was getting restless then. Tapos nung nagcomplain akong nagugutom na ko at wlang dinner sa house, we went off sa monumento to eat chowking (man, bakit naman sa lahat ng options...).
Si therese, katext ko rin so I felt comforted with that. I want to talk to her some more...hmm...kailan kya un?
I just have to plan the outing real quick. But how...
Ten Things About Peach-
Ten Things About Peach (that you might not know yet)-
(i came up with this list just because i browsed the friendster bulletin. oy ha, i really thought of this, hehehe, puro wholesome naman, don't worry...kung sino man jan may alam ng lahat ng ito, come forward and tell me! hahahaha! anyway...)
10. I used to have pink as my fave color. When I was 9, I changed it to blue. When I turned 16 I changed it to red.
9. I cannot sleep without a blanket! Kahit gaano pa kainit, dapat meron!X)
8. I was very afraid of electrical sockets from 6-17. Well, still afraid, due to some traumatic accident I had when trying to plug my fancy lampshade when I was 6 (sumabog sa kamay ko! and I was alone). Ma just found out when I turned 18 and I told her the true story behind this unusual phobia.
7. I began writing my first fiction story on May 14, 1994 (as indicated by my baby handwriting behind that 8.50 purple notebook. Dito na rin nagbunga ung sabi ko na one day I will be able to have my own book published (and still dreaming).
6. I was a very very sweet nursery student, very outspoken and bibo to my teachers who all loved me so much. but all that image of me changed one day when I made like a mountaineer and climber the classroom jalousie (what was I thinking??!!!). so babay sweet image, hello bad peachie. wahahaha. (this is according to my aunt)
5. My first friend ever (and still standing) is Sharmayn. Kasi we were introduced by our bros sa ground floor during first day, and we played. Saya rin marahil imention dito na my first barakada tlg is me, Desiree and Berenice (classmates kmi eh). And now as I can see...still there, no? Hehehe...much has changed, pero wow, I am certainly blessed. See, minus the pigtails (and plus the horns), Bern is still...well, bern. Hahaha.
4. When I was younger I had this habit of surrounding myself with all my dolls and waiting until 12, hoping all of them would come to life (yeah right, shobe- shame on you, hehehe).
3. When I was 6, ma scolded me in front of some tita of mine that I should fix myself. I retorted, 'it's the beauty inside that counts.' Hahaha, good one pare, bata pa lang dramatista na! (Well of course after that I got scolded reaaally bad, hehehe)
2. Minsan na kong nagdrama kay mama na may sakit ako just to get out of school real fast- and take note, high school first year na ako! Bwahahahaha! And I got away with confetti and star awards to top it off...pero swear first and last...this is predictably due to chinese fever, nyehehehe.
1. I had been so afraid of bump cars until this year, January, when I was forced by my ma to ride the bump car with my 3yr-old cuz who suddenly did not want it and left me alone to take that ride instead! Una I was sooo scared, checked my seatbelt, and my mind was screaming aaaaaaa. But later after my cousins coached me a bit, I got the hang of it, and thus byebye to this very weirdophobia of mine.
Wla, cge na...hahahaha I'll play, goodnight. :)
(i came up with this list just because i browsed the friendster bulletin. oy ha, i really thought of this, hehehe, puro wholesome naman, don't worry...kung sino man jan may alam ng lahat ng ito, come forward and tell me! hahahaha! anyway...)
10. I used to have pink as my fave color. When I was 9, I changed it to blue. When I turned 16 I changed it to red.
9. I cannot sleep without a blanket! Kahit gaano pa kainit, dapat meron!X)
8. I was very afraid of electrical sockets from 6-17. Well, still afraid, due to some traumatic accident I had when trying to plug my fancy lampshade when I was 6 (sumabog sa kamay ko! and I was alone). Ma just found out when I turned 18 and I told her the true story behind this unusual phobia.
7. I began writing my first fiction story on May 14, 1994 (as indicated by my baby handwriting behind that 8.50 purple notebook. Dito na rin nagbunga ung sabi ko na one day I will be able to have my own book published (and still dreaming).
6. I was a very very sweet nursery student, very outspoken and bibo to my teachers who all loved me so much. but all that image of me changed one day when I made like a mountaineer and climber the classroom jalousie (what was I thinking??!!!). so babay sweet image, hello bad peachie. wahahaha. (this is according to my aunt)
5. My first friend ever (and still standing) is Sharmayn. Kasi we were introduced by our bros sa ground floor during first day, and we played. Saya rin marahil imention dito na my first barakada tlg is me, Desiree and Berenice (classmates kmi eh). And now as I can see...still there, no? Hehehe...much has changed, pero wow, I am certainly blessed. See, minus the pigtails (and plus the horns), Bern is still...well, bern. Hahaha.
4. When I was younger I had this habit of surrounding myself with all my dolls and waiting until 12, hoping all of them would come to life (yeah right, shobe- shame on you, hehehe).
3. When I was 6, ma scolded me in front of some tita of mine that I should fix myself. I retorted, 'it's the beauty inside that counts.' Hahaha, good one pare, bata pa lang dramatista na! (Well of course after that I got scolded reaaally bad, hehehe)
2. Minsan na kong nagdrama kay mama na may sakit ako just to get out of school real fast- and take note, high school first year na ako! Bwahahahaha! And I got away with confetti and star awards to top it off...pero swear first and last...this is predictably due to chinese fever, nyehehehe.
1. I had been so afraid of bump cars until this year, January, when I was forced by my ma to ride the bump car with my 3yr-old cuz who suddenly did not want it and left me alone to take that ride instead! Una I was sooo scared, checked my seatbelt, and my mind was screaming aaaaaaa. But later after my cousins coached me a bit, I got the hang of it, and thus byebye to this very weirdophobia of mine.
Wla, cge na...hahahaha I'll play, goodnight. :)
Fatness peach
a very detailed morning rant-
today i opened my eyes, finally ending my very vivid dream of a night adventure with my ma, uncle, aunt, and my little cuz mark, took a big sigh, and finally out of my side of the bed at ten am.
wah. record breaker. i usually wake up and rise at 11-12, hehehe. anyway...
the first person i saw was my shoti keith. kay aga aga nglalaro na ng dota sa pc ni mami. sheesh.
pero come to think of it ten am is not really too early, hehehe...ok, let him play...
i listened to the voices outside. ma's very sonorous voice rang clearly there.
Lord, give mama and me patience para hindi ako masigawan at di rin ako mkgwa ng msma sa knya today...
I remembered to pray for the morn, thank God for another day's chance of adventure to live. then personal petitions...then pray for strength...for Bern, and a classmate of mine...
Hmm...wonder what's for breakfast? May nakapagsaing kaya? Si Lebron kmain na kaya?
at parang nabasa ako ni Keith- he told me to go eat bfast. I checked my cell muna, my aunt texted me asking kung andun dw me sa house. i affirmed.
so sleepy girl me headed out to my room sa kbila, combed my hair for starters, looked at the mirror and recalled repa who badly needs a comb most of the time, laughed at that thought, and ayun, punta na bogchi sa happy noisy kitchen...
Yay, ma cooked my fave eggs with potatoes...yumyumyum...at andito pa pla si pinsan alain, sana dito na siya whole holy week para happy, hehehe.
Andun na pla si aunt ko, hehehe...textext pa. I miss you sobra, san ka ba nangggaling, hmph...
Kain lang, reminded everyone not to give Lebron anything from the plate, and naging topic din ung, 'Lebron ate out of the trash!'
How dare baby leb- grrgrr hindi ka ba pinapakain? hmph.
I cleared the kitchen afterwards, brewed my next big story plot while washing the dishes, and when i was done, it's art attack, hehehe...
while si alain ay ngbbbad sa ffro, ako naman ay nagsketch sa intermediate pad ng anime, write my next story plot, then isip...nyahahahahahaha...
today i opened my eyes, finally ending my very vivid dream of a night adventure with my ma, uncle, aunt, and my little cuz mark, took a big sigh, and finally out of my side of the bed at ten am.
wah. record breaker. i usually wake up and rise at 11-12, hehehe. anyway...
the first person i saw was my shoti keith. kay aga aga nglalaro na ng dota sa pc ni mami. sheesh.
pero come to think of it ten am is not really too early, hehehe...ok, let him play...
i listened to the voices outside. ma's very sonorous voice rang clearly there.
Lord, give mama and me patience para hindi ako masigawan at di rin ako mkgwa ng msma sa knya today...
I remembered to pray for the morn, thank God for another day's chance of adventure to live. then personal petitions...then pray for strength...for Bern, and a classmate of mine...
Hmm...wonder what's for breakfast? May nakapagsaing kaya? Si Lebron kmain na kaya?
at parang nabasa ako ni Keith- he told me to go eat bfast. I checked my cell muna, my aunt texted me asking kung andun dw me sa house. i affirmed.
so sleepy girl me headed out to my room sa kbila, combed my hair for starters, looked at the mirror and recalled repa who badly needs a comb most of the time, laughed at that thought, and ayun, punta na bogchi sa happy noisy kitchen...
Yay, ma cooked my fave eggs with potatoes...yumyumyum...at andito pa pla si pinsan alain, sana dito na siya whole holy week para happy, hehehe.
Andun na pla si aunt ko, hehehe...textext pa. I miss you sobra, san ka ba nangggaling, hmph...
Kain lang, reminded everyone not to give Lebron anything from the plate, and naging topic din ung, 'Lebron ate out of the trash!'
How dare baby leb- grrgrr hindi ka ba pinapakain? hmph.
I cleared the kitchen afterwards, brewed my next big story plot while washing the dishes, and when i was done, it's art attack, hehehe...
while si alain ay ngbbbad sa ffro, ako naman ay nagsketch sa intermediate pad ng anime, write my next story plot, then isip...nyahahahahahaha...
~sabi ko morning lang, so til here na xa, hohoho~
You learned a new skill
New skill my people! I am such a bad bad girl...recently, an impossible of impossibles of peachies has happened again...
I BAKED!!! Hahahaha! Cheese cupcakes!
I used to have this hopelessly sad notion that only really graceful women and super ultimate pink-lover, skirt-struttin ladies do pastries well. And so I don't try at all, coz that's for them. Well I don't really like pastries that much (even doughnuts, take note...) but I sure think making them is a feat...
And I did it. So a modification of notions is required of peach. Hehehe. My bad. Hahaha. This is soo cool, hehehe. Thank God...
The cupcake verdict:
Taste is excellent (for me, at least). But the consistency...hmm...like a fresh, moist cookie. Haha. Go figure.
By the way:
BERN!!! Game ako sa dancemania! Bring it on! Let's go!!! Hahahaha! Sa susunod na pagkikita!
I BAKED!!! Hahahaha! Cheese cupcakes!
I used to have this hopelessly sad notion that only really graceful women and super ultimate pink-lover, skirt-struttin ladies do pastries well. And so I don't try at all, coz that's for them. Well I don't really like pastries that much (even doughnuts, take note...) but I sure think making them is a feat...
And I did it. So a modification of notions is required of peach. Hehehe. My bad. Hahaha. This is soo cool, hehehe. Thank God...
The cupcake verdict:
Taste is excellent (for me, at least). But the consistency...hmm...like a fresh, moist cookie. Haha. Go figure.
By the way:
BERN!!! Game ako sa dancemania! Bring it on! Let's go!!! Hahahaha! Sa susunod na pagkikita!
Reminiscing...
Talking about summah:
Today I am sooo sooo lethargic. And diaphoretic. And experiencing bradycardia.
Maybe most of you would except that in summer I am just the bum. Well you're right- at least physically...unless you don't count cooking, washing the dishes (I soo hate it), laundry, sweep, mop...and the internet (ei, you use fingers there!!! hahahahaha).
An agenda into action:
Anyway, I am so keen on utilizing this vacation period not to rest and party it out anni-style, but to actively write, write, write, and etc. For since my first year, in pursuit of my love-hate relationship with my inevitable (and admittedly, blossoming) nursing career, I had to put my sketching and writing tendencies behind...just force them all to pop like bubbles and disappear...
But no. Like with that handwritten seven-notebook adventure story I stuffed in my dresser cabinet, or with those poems I had posted in my fictionpress account, I guess my heart never really had the guts to destroy them for a finale. I am still a writer, and I know it in myself. I am still the trying artist who has lead for blood and inspiration for glucose...who will forever be l8blmr-raven, eni linna, and...yeah, the blogger yours truly, wildcard07.
The only difference I guess is, in two years I will soon have an RN tailing those pseuds...for now, I sign with my RN CI's (registered nurses, clinical instructors) using SN (student nurse). How's that for motivation...
A Frenchwoman's confession:
In my moments of strong writing and random sketching desires I feel like a real beach for not standing up for these two significant loves of mine. I feel like a two-timing sleuth each time I feel lonesome and have to automatically resort to paper-and-pen therapy to relieve myself, just to go back again to nursing business full-throttle when I return to my optimum state. I feel like such a hoar for denying my having them whenever my superiors would acknowledge or even question them (what are you doing here, you're supposed to be in CFAD- college of fine arts and design). I feel like such a hoe for dearly embracing writing with such fondness during the weekend, yet cling as tightly to my syringes and steth for the rest of the week.
I am still not totally over with that bigtime decision that I had made a couple of years ago when I chose between my ma's wish (be a nurse) and my lingering wants (writer, artist). I still think of it sometimes...how it would have been different had I defied destiny and selected the latter out of pure emotion...
Resolution at hand:
But looking at things now, I think I know where I am supposed to go. There are infinite possibilities in this state called life, and being in the Lord has given me the strength and the tactics to win this situation.
You see people, I cannot explain to you how much I adore nursing now. I have fallen for this career despite my conviction since my younger years that I would never ever take a medical course, despite my fears of syringes (yah right I use that on the newborn baby's thighs), and even despite my negativism towards social relationships, old people, and preganant women. I think nursing was a lifestyle I never counted on being compatible with...but the Lord sure showed me.
By just one test:
Well...there are so many instances where in he did show me, but one of them really shook me up. One night I took this 'gifts' exam. As with the majority of such quizzes, I expected to get writing as my highest...but well, I was surprised to view that I scored highest in healing, with writing coming in only second to that. Come to think of it...hmm, maybe yes, I can go for that cappy costume in the wards, go around in the delivery room in my socks and slippers...
But really, judging with the way my patients easily trust me, I can say maybe I do have that factor, hehehe...let's see now...
Still not over you:
As for my writing and sketching...I don't plan on throwing them, no no...not ever again. I will never be without them. They serve as blessings to others, especially when I perform to amuse them in our bangag days...man the toxicity level is sometimes unbearable that I doodle right on the spot in my small ward notebook just to get rid of the SN toxins, hahahaha...
With nursing I plan on making my twelve-year ambition of writing a full novel a reality. It isn't really over, people...I am still improving, and right after my recent exams I had posted about four of my poems in fictionpress, making someone from somewhere nearly cry out with emotion in his class...hahahaha.
What's up:
Today I am sooo sooo lethargic. And diaphoretic. And experiencing bradycardia.
Maybe most of you would except that in summer I am just the bum. Well you're right- at least physically...unless you don't count cooking, washing the dishes (I soo hate it), laundry, sweep, mop...and the internet (ei, you use fingers there!!! hahahahaha).
An agenda into action:
Anyway, I am so keen on utilizing this vacation period not to rest and party it out anni-style, but to actively write, write, write, and etc. For since my first year, in pursuit of my love-hate relationship with my inevitable (and admittedly, blossoming) nursing career, I had to put my sketching and writing tendencies behind...just force them all to pop like bubbles and disappear...
But no. Like with that handwritten seven-notebook adventure story I stuffed in my dresser cabinet, or with those poems I had posted in my fictionpress account, I guess my heart never really had the guts to destroy them for a finale. I am still a writer, and I know it in myself. I am still the trying artist who has lead for blood and inspiration for glucose...who will forever be l8blmr-raven, eni linna, and...yeah, the blogger yours truly, wildcard07.
The only difference I guess is, in two years I will soon have an RN tailing those pseuds...for now, I sign with my RN CI's (registered nurses, clinical instructors) using SN (student nurse). How's that for motivation...
A Frenchwoman's confession:
In my moments of strong writing and random sketching desires I feel like a real beach for not standing up for these two significant loves of mine. I feel like a two-timing sleuth each time I feel lonesome and have to automatically resort to paper-and-pen therapy to relieve myself, just to go back again to nursing business full-throttle when I return to my optimum state. I feel like such a hoar for denying my having them whenever my superiors would acknowledge or even question them (what are you doing here, you're supposed to be in CFAD- college of fine arts and design). I feel like such a hoe for dearly embracing writing with such fondness during the weekend, yet cling as tightly to my syringes and steth for the rest of the week.
I am still not totally over with that bigtime decision that I had made a couple of years ago when I chose between my ma's wish (be a nurse) and my lingering wants (writer, artist). I still think of it sometimes...how it would have been different had I defied destiny and selected the latter out of pure emotion...
Resolution at hand:
But looking at things now, I think I know where I am supposed to go. There are infinite possibilities in this state called life, and being in the Lord has given me the strength and the tactics to win this situation.
You see people, I cannot explain to you how much I adore nursing now. I have fallen for this career despite my conviction since my younger years that I would never ever take a medical course, despite my fears of syringes (yah right I use that on the newborn baby's thighs), and even despite my negativism towards social relationships, old people, and preganant women. I think nursing was a lifestyle I never counted on being compatible with...but the Lord sure showed me.
By just one test:
Well...there are so many instances where in he did show me, but one of them really shook me up. One night I took this 'gifts' exam. As with the majority of such quizzes, I expected to get writing as my highest...but well, I was surprised to view that I scored highest in healing, with writing coming in only second to that. Come to think of it...hmm, maybe yes, I can go for that cappy costume in the wards, go around in the delivery room in my socks and slippers...
But really, judging with the way my patients easily trust me, I can say maybe I do have that factor, hehehe...let's see now...
Still not over you:
As for my writing and sketching...I don't plan on throwing them, no no...not ever again. I will never be without them. They serve as blessings to others, especially when I perform to amuse them in our bangag days...man the toxicity level is sometimes unbearable that I doodle right on the spot in my small ward notebook just to get rid of the SN toxins, hahahaha...
With nursing I plan on making my twelve-year ambition of writing a full novel a reality. It isn't really over, people...I am still improving, and right after my recent exams I had posted about four of my poems in fictionpress, making someone from somewhere nearly cry out with emotion in his class...hahahaha.
What's up:
- Doing a very big plot out of my handwritten works over the years...
- Reviewing anatomy and physiology book bit by bit, as advised by beloved Ma'am Tanodra...
- Writing poems when I go killigers over my Tamaki, etc...
- Been going out doing nothing in particular except eat dine and dancemania with Repa...
- Plotting a dramatic management change...(I'm not explaining this)
- Bible exploration...
- Reading fanfiction of harry potter where he is such a bastard slytherin and he has an equally evil twin who is fancied by bro's bestfriend draco malfoy...hahahaha...
- Scrabble tourney with my very articulate aunt..
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