One long sleepless night...

In my pessimism, I never thought I could reach the skies...maybe this picture I took entitled, "Touch the skies" means more than just my whim.

Just a while ago, I woke up at around eleven, dozed off again and got out of bed at around one thirty this afternoon. I took my morningfest of carbonara with gusto. The night's most grueling events have taken a lot of energy out of my system...and that had to happen just when I thought the day was way over.

But I am happy. The feeling of profound bliss overwhelms me and makes me feel more free than I have ever felt before. And yes, it just got better. How's Anni? Never better. The coming of dawn tells me that I have won in a war of wills.

But my way to this victory was not an easy one. I had been contemplating on alternative strategies...peace talks or reinforcements- anything to keep me from direct confrontation. But last night told me that I had to fight. I had to stand up for someone I deeply care for in the name of friendship. I was dead scared because it involved me having to bleed and to hurt in exchange for his freedom. I had evaded the challenge for too long because I knew the risks...I have studied and weighed them well enough to know that my camaraderie with the one trapped in the cave was on the line.

Rationality pushed me to hold off taking the assignment and maintain a lookout for alternative strategies. My heart swayed me to close my eyes and take the bull by its horns. Last night, my instincts won me over. Aware of what could happen anytime, I fell into a long moment's silence and subjected myself to anticipatory grieving before getting back on my feet to do what I will. I had to push myself to discard my swords, remove my protective armor and boots...and walk barefooted across a narrow path of thorns over a seemingly bottomless ravine to hand over a flaming torch to him who is wandering lonely and aimlessly in a cold dark cave.

It is foolish- I find my survival instincts saying that as I forced my way through the thorny path, catching every thorn and hitting every nerve until I bled profusely, with my raw flesh exposed and scratched mercilessly over and over again. But all I had in mind was to bring the torch to my friend...as much as I would have him bring it over for me, had it been me in the same unfortunate fix. The pain and the idea that he might not understand the situation had me constantly rethinking, reconsidering whether this was right or wrong...but my firm resolve to end his captivity in the cave proved to be stronger than that.

I soon reached the end of the narrow path. With my last ounce of strength, I flung what was left of me on the ground before him, just right in front of the cave where he was wandering. Fearfully, I lit the torch and handed it to him in mortal anguish. He looked at me and I looked back at him. Now he saw everything. Now he can find his way out of the cave. And now, I had to take the blame. I had to tell to his face the part I played in his helpless situation, careful enough to tell him the truth with the choicest words I could think of at the moment, with the promise that he cannot disclose this information to another soul.

When I did finish, bleeding all the more after, I was answered with a heavy air of silence. I gave him the right to get back at me and cut off his alliance with me. But to plead for mercy...I reminded him of a piece I gave him before, which more or less summarized why I came out in the open for him..."I need you to trust me. I don't make promises. I want you to believe in me. Love is not an educated guess. You have to-" I suddenly realized I was crying and choking back tears, "...fall free."

Yes, I did it in the name of real friendship. I had been too cautious. It was time to risk my neck for him. The heck with rejection. The heck with betrayal. The heck with disappointments. The heck with friendship over. For just that one moment, I threw all my cares out of the window with my rationales. Upon laying all my card out on the table, I knew it was a most crucial moment for him...to decide on what to do with the present situation. I anticipated condemnation. I anticipated his wrath.

But what he did next was contrary to my expectation. He embraced me in my most weakened and most vulnerable state without a hint of revulsion. I remember him saying how me accepts me...my history, all of me. What's done is done. He feels frustrated- almost angry it seemed- with the situation...but not at me.

And crying, he thanked me for trusting in him that much. Yes, I trusted in him that much, enough to hurt myself and risk falling to my self-destruction.

At that I felt free. And thankful. That I did not have to lose him. I thank God for giving me such an accepting friend who would care to see through my faults. I thank God for helping me learn and remodeling ugly situations into nurturing ones where there are better chances for me and for others as well. Change is constant as always, and I pray that me and my friend will enjoy a lasting friendship which will only get better as time passes by.

The coming of the dawn had never looked so right after that...

I want to give him a hug, nudge him painfully at the ribs with my elbow and say:

"Pare, let's make history."