Pero yun na nga eh, just a thought- the fact that I'm getting jitters with tomorrow...that's an evident lack of faith on my part. I react as though I don't have a God who is powerful, whose mind is bigger than anything...who is...real. Yes...the only thing that's ever been real to me...the only thing I have been sure of all my life. Sabi ko nga sa blog slogan ko sa blogspot:
"You have a habit of saying that you hate God. But you can never mean it because he's the only thing you've ever been sure of."- from Anni to Peach (referring to my negativist side)
I have to agree. See, there were phases in my life wherein I would say I hate God for this and that...but I have to admit, most of those situations that I say this are my doing too. Blaming God for things I cannot do...that's just unfair. As for those situations I don't have control of...well, I just have to trust that He knows best.
I believe there is really no such thing in this world as coincidence. There are only choices on our use of free will...which result into either a bad or a good decision. All this constitute what we call...experience. Experience, which can certainly NOT be the best teacher, but can surely be the MOST CRUEL teacher one can ever have...hahaha- I can attest to that.
And tomorrow, regardless of what happens...it's an experience- a gift of another day to live for God...to be a light to others and to grow through life for Him.
I would like to share this very special realization that I had this summer vacation, the time when I had room to think again after a long long time...that since there is no such thing as coincidence and not one of us is a coincidence...that means each day we live through is given to us as decided by The Big Guy, the One who really calls the shots. Sabi nga niya, no sparrow falls to the ground apart from the will of the Father. Kung sparrow pinapansin niya nang ganoon, ano pa kaya ang tao, di ba?
And with that, every night that we would close our eyes and surrender ourselves to unconscious slumber and every morning that we would open our eyes to another conscious day...these are miracles. These are God-given miracles, gifts of one more day to live.
God can give life, and he can take it away as He will. And as He grants us another day in our lives, we can be sure that it means something according to His intricate plans.
When I had this insight one morning during the early days of April, I resolved to fix myself up and spend more time for Him. I had to remind myself that this life is not all about me- I'm not the hero, God is. He's not the one who needs saving, the helpless one is me. I had to readjust my view of the world and this life I'm living...that my highest priority in life should not be my family's survival, my love for writing, finding true love, or even nursing- these things don't last. I had to reinstate myself in enriching my relationship with the one God, my Savior Jesus Christ, who has given me his life...who has saved me by grace. And it is only through this loving grace that I am given something which transcends mortality.
I guess I had a lot of catching up to do when summer came for me this year because frankly, I got too busy with my school and house obligations to talk to God and actually spend time with him. I am still shaky with trying hard to keep up with my devotion to Him because I know that as I am human, I am easily swayed by temptations to choose not to spend time with him. But I have to develop the habit of reading the scriptures and praying...which help me a lot to grow through life. I am not perfect, and I am never gonna be perfect, but I want to grow...be better in each gift of a day that I owe to Him whom I fear and love the most.
So there. At isang oras na ang nakalipas. This blogging really helped me realize how I am to deal with this unnecessary fear...ayy...so here I go, Lord. What should happen tomorrow? Gawin niyo pong maaayos ang muling pagtatagpo ng RLE 2.
Ayy, sa totoo lang, miss ko na silang lahat. Ay...Si Lorenz shoti na makulit at mahilig magsalita with big arm gestures, natural speaker (remember Awiyao...yahahaha, joke...) at leader na nagpapakatotoo, I respect him...si Chloe na magulong mataray, masayang kasalo kumain sa duty kasi mahilig sa pagkain, at may pa-photo session pa ang magaling, aw yeah, talentado talaga, I believe...si Joshua na natural na maloko, patawa, at pasimpleng emo (at flirt kay...), hahaha...peace! Si Tadz na magulong girlaloo, madam bully sa amin (yabang, abusive pero chika lang pala, hahahaha), at kikay queen ng grupo...kaso nagpapa-bun pa yan^^, hahaha...si Steph na pretty spongky, hahaha...masayang kachika (makuwentong bruhang ito), hahahaha...kumusta na kaya ang kanyang lablayp? hehe...share! Si Alex na gorgeously pranka, laging game kaya pwedeng pwede maging cheerleader ng kung anumang kuponan, at certainly the most beautiful face in class in my opnion, at least...si Ed Cel na ka-tandem ni Joshua sa mga chika at chikas (???) at ang so far title holder for the hottest gentleman (take note of the italics!!!) in the rle group and the class (uy, seryoso yan^^)...si Kathe na mahirit (lalo na sa bukod-tanging ka-labtim na magsasaka), hahaha...sigang pranka, at maraming ikkuwento sa amin for sure, ayyy nakooo magsalita kaaa *hugs hugs*...si KR na dinaig pa si Ed Cel sa kapayatan, nako late bumati ng happy birthday sa kin, ano ba hahahaha, at hindi ko na-miss, yah right...ndi, matakaw yan, nako, discreet lang...kakain na naman kami bukas, at makikita ko na naman pala ang curly writing niyang maliit...aaaa...XP Si Jayson, ang pinakamalandi sa rle group, matakaw na lokaret talaga, nakoo...at ang pinakamagandang 1/2 friend ko na nalalaro pa ang isip kung miyembro nga ng pederasyon.:) At ang anakis ko na si Daryll, ang predictably magiging magaling na nars sa future...mabait, nurturing, pasensyosa...mapagkakamalang terror ito pag nag-CI in my opinion, kasi mahilig manaranta, mataranta, nako, certified patient advocate...:P
Ayy, nakakamiss talaga...kahit mahirap ang dinaranas...basta.^^ Faith, pare...faith lang...makes my feet the feet of a deer, sabi nga ni Habbakuk at ni David...>.<
Hmm...Loord...aaaa. Guide my hands tomorrow...well basta ba pleasure Mo, sige lang, magpapaanak ako...and again, I pray my two most important prayers:
Lord, help me love you as you would have be love you. Help me love others as you would have me love them.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Duty here I come!!!XP Aw yeah!!! Hey, yo, let's go fight!!! Good night!
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