It's just a few days before I'm back in the hospital setting again. And although it's no longer a new experience for me to be inside the delivery room with all the gore and the operating room with all the stitching, I feel a new fear within me as I think about how it would be for me to complete my cases per area.
Maybe it's because I no longer feel ready for the kill...or maybe because I don't want to experience the persecution under unfeeling staff nurses. Plus, the iron just got busted about three days ago, thanks to my careless brother Albert who turned it on high up and forgot to unplug it. Thank God it did not cause fire. But now that it's done and we haven't replaced it with a functioning appliance, well...I haven't really ironed my uniforms.
Ayyy...other than that, there is so much to think of...so little time. *rubs sore nape* And here I am just distracting myself with the droll of daily chores and killing scourges when I'm not asleep or talking to my mother. God help me. Hahaha.
Worry...
I know. I worry a lot. And it's not a fact that I realize positively. How many times do I have to remind myself (and absorb permanently) that I do not have to worry? Even Christ himself said..."So never worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Mt. 6:34)
Which is so. God would not give me, or give us something we are too weak to manage. He's smarter than anyone, the big brain behind the universe and everything in it...so why not trust him? Basically it's just a matter of trust...where it is, how steadfast it is...
"Say to those with anxious heart, 'Take courage, fear not.'" (Is. 35:4) Oh, Lord...thanks for wisdom...now if only I can just apply it in my life. I have so much to fear, but as David always sang in his psalms...He is my strength.
Ayy, worry. The word itself can say so much about its nature...hahaha. Hmm...just a few facts I've come across today...it comes from the Old English word wyrgan and Old High German wurgen, both meaning to strangle or to choke. Which is actually the case when we allow our problems to overwhelm us. Hahaha. Nice...
Incoming news: my mother just slipped in the room just seconds ago to share the news of officials proposing making texting free of charge. Which means we consumers will only pay for the calls we'll make...but this is still under study. Well, if it pushes through, then good for all. *claps*
A night to remember...
So much has happened...and I just haven't had the time to type it all in here for keepsakes...I'm happy I took pictures though. Yeah. *dances around* I'm just writing now, thanks to the inspiration brought about by Maski, when he unconsciously reminded me about it. I felt the urge to write after four rounds of scourge killing. Anyway...
Monday at Mall of Asia was really...ah, I can't even use a word to describe it properly. It was amazing. It was magical. It was...unbelievable. Maybe it's because it's been a long time...about five months since the last meeting. And also, it was a dream come true for me to have introduced a new good friend of mine to my closest friends who made it that day. There was Paulo, Bechan, Bequa, Des, Jrep, Me and my new friend...Maski, whom I introduced.
I was rather anxious when I handed out a last-minute invitation to this dear friend of mine, because I was worried that he might not feel comfortable around new people, but then, true to the words of Bequa...ang galing nga eh, parang he's one of us na...ahahaha. And it was a first for Maski to be in Mall of Asia, so I was more than happy to accompany him in his first stroll in there, hehe.
Anyway, seven of us wasn't really a problem...we had a blast even with the odd head count. We ate Italian food where I had my best taste of carbonara so far...we went strolling, played arcade games, danced...sat by the sea...Ayyy,it felt like such a short night. I wanted more time! It was such a great experience for me that, when I woke up the following day it almost seemed like a dream for me.
Hayy...I wish I could see my friends more often this year, because I noticed how the meetups are getting scarce since we got into college. Three group meetings a year was already not enough, but this time...ahh, come on...we only got two, I think. This year, the Monday meet at Moa was the first- and probably it's the only vacation meet we'll ever have. And we were not even complete, ayy. T.T But still, it does not hurt to hope for more...:)
Weird dreams...
These days had been giving me weird dreams. Mostly sad. I saw my mother's aunt, who is very dear to me. I saw my mother. I saw Tiffany. I say Tiffany's mother. I pray that she's well...I miss mommy!!! The dreams seemed long and dismal...the places in my head kept on switching. I kept on traveling and meeting these different people. Emerging from these dreams in the morning wasn't easy, because I woke up with a heavy feeling in my heart each time.
I think the lack of time to meditate on the word and pray to God had a lot to do with that. I really need to reset my devotional time and strengthen it...just before I go back to the hustle and bustle of school work. This is in line with the message: Be not afraid of those which can destroy the body...rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both body and soul. I forgot the verse, but I read it off one day...and yeah, it holds true.
But there was this one weird dream wherein someone visited me while I was almost falling asleep...put a blanket over our heads and and kissed me. Prince charming? I wish. Hahaha. But I'm not complaining...maybe I was just that tired that night...
Dota madness:
Yes, it's happened. I am now playing dota...primarily for bonding times with my bros, whom I anxiously want to spend good times with. Unfortunately my first game with an actual person turned out to be a frustrating night for me. Albert was not too happy about the way I played. Of course I was a novice, what did he expect? Arrgghh.
But the tides turned...the sun came. Hahaha. Just tonight we played two games...I'm just happy that he had fun bashing me. I improved. I knew of course that he was not playing his best, since he knew I was out for the fun of it, but that didn't matter when we were already laughing. I kept bashing him and kept respawning...didn't matter. Because he was smiling. Especially when I was being persistent and kept verbalizing as I hacked on my keyboard and mouse: Never give up!!! I thought he loved it...and so he killed me for that round. Ahahaha. Amusing.
I credit my new hobby and my new means of bonding to my second shoti, si Arvin...kasi siya ang nagturo sa kin ng basics. He's such a patient teacher...and that really surprised me, knowing how hot-tempered he can get with the simplest disturbances around him. I'm so happy and proud of the way he treated me when I was trying to learn and when we played our first battles together. We did not win, but he took it reasonably. :) Smiles to that. Ayun.
I guess I just have to choose my playmates well...just to avoid trouble. I seriously don't want to end up fighting anyone because of a simple war game. Di ba? Pointless.
Going out with mami...
Also this week, mama and I went out to shop for some rain gear and some socks. I like it when we go out spontaneously.
Speaking of which...this summer has certainly been the right time for us to bond and be closer. I used to keep distance from her out of fear, especially when she shouts. I don't even trust myself to talk sensibly with her, because she always thinks I'm up to something bad.
But this summer has been such a wonderful time with her...we talk a lot, we go out, she likes my company...and I was able to tell her many things which I used to keep from her. We played a lot of scrabble from morn to night weeks before. One day, just this week I even got to tell her about how her voice makes me tremble still even to this day. I also got to tell her that I never thought I'd ever trust her as much as I do now. I think I finally got through her wall...and we're both happy about it.
As a result, I am able to tell her about my life and what I think of things. In turn she's learning to understand me and our differences. Asking permission to go out with my friends is still not that easy, but it has certainly become less tasking...and for the first time she was not fuming silently when she came to pick me up at ten thirty in the eve...she was even talkative to me, which was a first.
I hope that things will be better and better between us. Of course we'll never totally get rid of the conflicts, especially when she's hot-headed or when I'm deprived of sleep...but yes...it's bound to get better. :) Thank God.
Karaoke day...
Wednesday was an unexpected day of leisure for me. I had lunch and chika with my mother before going to UST to get my assessment of fees, since I need it to get my tuition. Inside, I met up with two of my engineering friends, si Paul at Aldrin. After my tasks, we just sat around Tinoco. They suggested singing somewhere...we walked to Thomas Square.
On the way, Paul teased me 'til I felt that I had to run after him with one of my flats at hand and aimed right to his head, hahaha. Asar eh...but well, it's his way of having fun with me. Anyway, I did not need to throw my shoe at him...but I did get to punch him after failing to catch up on him while he ran. I'm not used to being teased so severely...but no harm done, except for the punch I willingly gave him on his right arm. *punchpunch*
Anyway, on the singing...we were only three but it was fun- I had two fun people with me who sang considerably well. I was easily entertained. I wanted to hear more of their singing, but I had my time to watch out for. After about two happy hours with them I had to leave...smiling...and just in time when my mother arrived to fetch me.
Color Me Badd's Close to Heaven:
And what a singsong day...especially when I got hold of a song I had been searching for a long time now. I was sooo ecstatic when I finally found it- Close to Heaven is such a kilig 90's song...so so love it. I finally found the title, downloaded it, ah yeah...and here are the first lines:
You know you're the only one for me
The thought of you
picks me up when I am lonely
I get all crazy when you call out my name
I'm close to heaven when your touching me
Something something...I'm obsessed with the rhythm of it...soo soo hooked. Hahahaha.
Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a Bible meeting. I seriously hope I grasp what the Lord wants me to grasp in this experience he's allowing me to have for now. My back is killing me again. Aaaaa.
While I was writing this...I realized deeply how much blessing I'm receiving from the Lord whom I serve. I have my life...my mother...my brothers...my friends. I pray that he would teach me to love him as much as he would have me love him...and that he would also teach me to love others as much as he would have me love them.
And before I close this entry...
Happy birthday mami, happy birthday mami, happy birthday happy birthday...happy birthday mami...*clapclap*
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