I am really sweating buckets here. Ang init. Grr. Today I what's left of my morning (I got off bed at around twelve thirty pm) in watching my bro and cuz play Resident Evil 0 which was pretty scray once you get into the suspense mood. Later I spent my time answering some weird tests in blogthings- an addictive habit which recurred just yesternight when i was reflecting on my past and was stuck with nothing else to do.
We ate some grilled pork. I have nothing against good cuisine and my brother's chefish tendencies, but his recipes make the biggest messes for me to clean up. Sometimes it's worth the meal...other times...I just want to get that butcher's knife and...(ok, ok, the test said I'd never be violent, hahaha)
A desperate solution-
Now I have Salon Pas on my nape...feels cool- something I was desperate to try out of my back pain which occurred past my seemingly endless nights and days of thesis-making and NCAs...nursing workloads which required me to sit for long hours in front of the pc. And since I normally do not sit properly (I have a tendency to lean forward when I'm in workaholic mode), the result is a very sore back and neck. Grr. So with the recommendation of my friend Maski, I purchased four strips as part of my trial test. The plaster caused me a lot of pain initially, but it offered partial relief, so it works...though I think my condition needs more than that- maybe a massage will cure this once and for all.
A bit of a flashback-
Which reminds me...that day sure was fun. March 28, 2008. Day out with Maski. After two hours of waiting in line to check our grades in the main bldg, we were finally free and cheering for our passing marks. We had a delayed lunch in the afternoon, about a quarter to three...and I suggested that we go play billiards. If I'm not mistaken, it's been eight years since I last played. My bro was the one who got hooked...he's such a hustler, hahaha.
Maski claims not having played for 2 weeks. Of course pinagbigyan niya ko (gender issue? fine...) but I lost all games (basura naman talaga laro ko, duh). Nevertheless I had a lot of fun. Of course, I plan to make it better next time para naman may kwenta akong kalaban. Hahaha.
Later we played Dancemaniax sa SM San Lazaro. It was fun, but we were off to a bad start, since I had to disturb the current player so that I could get my tokens in. Normally it's not a prob, but when the tokens didn't register we had to call for someone working there who can fix the jam...sure enough they didn't give a care on the ongoing game, so the current player was annoyed...though of course later on he understood the necessity of that.
Downstairs at the food court we took our down time and ate kitkat and pepsi. And while we were in a festive mood (pasado!), we took a lot of pictures of ourselves before we walked back to Lacson.
Later we chilled at McDonald's while waiting for my cousin to come by so I can head home with them. We sampled some buko pandan flurry (which didn't impress me because it made me look for Bequa's buko pandan salad with gulaman and buko strips which was way way better) and good old fries with ketchup. To kill more time, we turned camwhorish and took wacky shots of ourselves. It was really cool to hang out with Maski. I didn't even notice when it was time to go at around eight in the eve. My bro kept calling before then- which showed how much he worried about me.
Recent trips-
Kanina naglalaro ako ng weird game sa miniclip.com...I played Club Penguin. Yeah, it's sooo for kids, but then I was curious, so I created my account to play a red penguin. I had fun making pizzas, surfing, playing thin ice, trying to catch Fuzzies (mga mukhang bunot na creatures...multicolored pompoms which serve as fictional pests for penguins)...not bad for a timekiller.
I want to play wii but I am too proud to ask my cousin or my bros to teach me how to make it work (maybe after this entry, I will).
I want to go out of town...on an adventure with my mother or my cousin...but then of course since my ma isn't talking to me and my cousin is just far off...and I have duty pa...well, it's wishful thinking for now...sigh.
I am counting on Jonreph or Paulo to plan a mall-out with the whole gang (I can't take on the task since I have no hold on my schedule, as always)...I really really miss the circle.
List of my recent contacts-
J- Well, given naman na we always have contact. Just last night, past twelve na nagkkwento pa rin, san ka pa...at sinermonan ako ng loko about my issues. Hahaha. OK lang, nakaganti naman ako when I gave him my litany about his angels. Hahahaha. Mahabang kwento.
Os- I was waiting for his YM stat to turn into something 'not busy' to greet him. He greeted back. I'm genuinely happy for him, since he can relax more now.
Pau- I thank multiply for the chances I've had to get in contact with this guy. I am rather intrigued by a certain entry he wrote (well, he has always been intriguing). I just have to ask him about it, hahahaha.
Bern- I got my chance to talk to this girl through YM. She was having a bad time then on her group project wherein her groupmates left her hanging with all the work undone. Swearing aside, I thought she handled the situation pretty well. I'm proud of her.
Bequa- The sporty girl of the group...now a fencer. She looked so cool in her outfit as I saw in her display image. We talked briefly...and though she was busy, she's still sunny nonetheless. I wish I can watch her compete. I love this girl. Hahaha. I do hope she'll be able to make through the next two weeks alive. Workload can be a monster, I know.
Des- Ay ang bruhang ito nagtext weeks ago. It was funny, a silly joke. I am hoping for a threesome with hersch. If not that, a group out (which is the ideal para mas masaya) will be a sure blast. (at mare, nasaan ba si Herschel? I tried to make contact through her blog, but she seems to have hidden out in her cave...hmmm...)
Therese- Ay, recently I caught her at a time when she was inflicted with the writer's block. As part of distraction therapy, we mocked and insulted each other before she went back to pondering on how to go about her papers. Hahahaha. I miss this shobe of mine...she can be such a tofee- tough and sweet.^^
Tiff- We exchanged greetings just last week. She seemed fine, but how much can YM tell you...hmm. I hope to get an update on this girl...I wonder how her life's going..?
My question- Where's everybody else?T.T Prolonged separation anxiety...not good for me. Hahaha.
Looking back...
I know it's wrong for me to feel this way, but then reality isn't always governed by morality (although of course ideally it should be the case).
Recently I put myself in sedentary mode not only for my down time but also for my reflection time. I read my past entries, checked other people's thoughts. I wrote my poems, spent time with people, enjoyed myself. I took time to watch my friends in their unguarded moments, savoring every moment. From all these chances I realized how so much has happened. So much has changed with all of us in the circle of friends.
Good? Bad? It's half-and-half (something my good friend Maski would call and equalizer).
I am reminded of the time I made my mistakes. The feelings which came back within wasn't at all pleasant. They drowned me into my own thoughts of defeat and pessimism and sapped all the happiness within me. I am not supposed to feel that way anymore. I am not supposed to be affected by my past.
But here I am, feeling listless...feeling the loss of yesterday when I should be focusing on my recent actual and potential gains.
And here's Maski making me think. Here's a fellow who tells me that I make him overthink...and yet unknowingly the effect of our collision is mutual-
1. May mga bagay na hindi talaga meant to be...
I have a knack for saying, "Aw, hindi meant to be" when things don't turn out as wanted. But then later on I realized that I (think I have a feeling that I) have a tendency to apply this in serious life situations. My choice of course speaks loudly for it.
But then again, I believe that even though there are things that are not meant to be, there is the power of prayer and God's will to help us attain the impossible (as long as it is for his glory). Di ba nga, sa mundong ito, dalawa lang iyan, either you're for God or you're for the enemy, that's all. Also, secondary to that, I believe in the power of wanting. The Lord did not give us the power of free will for nothing...it worked for JFK- why not for us too? :P
2. In order to attain something, great sacrifices must be made...
I think there is truth to this. Best example? Christ. :) My personal example would be my course again. But really, I am not putting down my pen for good. I will return and snatch it up again...then, with a white cap on my head and an RN to enhance it.
Another version of this line is, in order to attain something great, one has to forgo some of the personal pleasures of life. With reference to Freud's id-ego-superego theory, I say that we cannot be kids forever. We cannot stay as seedlings for life. We have to grow and grow through life, lest we want to live a stagnant life in all aspects. We have to learn to leave the life where id always takes the lead and start allowing the superego to flourish and have its say for the part of the ego.
With this, we can now forgo pleasures and learn the value of sacrifice. After all, if we are people who merely answer to the wants of the flesh and the moment, then what makes us different from animals?
I believe that true maturity is seen in two ways: 1. Being able to accept and realize that we are not mature enough; and 2. Being able to see beyond the present situation and waiting for the right time.
I bravely speak of such things. But like everyone else, I am just...weak. Everyone knows that. I succumb to my own defeats. I just need to change my perpective of things...set my eyes on God's promise...and use my failures as a pedestal for me to see more and not stay down on the ground.
Recently I put myself in sedentary mode not only for my down time but also for my reflection time. I read my past entries, checked other people's thoughts. I wrote my poems, spent time with people, enjoyed myself. I took time to watch my friends in their unguarded moments, savoring every moment. From all these chances I realized how so much has happened. So much has changed with all of us in the circle of friends.
Good? Bad? It's half-and-half (something my good friend Maski would call and equalizer).
I am reminded of the time I made my mistakes. The feelings which came back within wasn't at all pleasant. They drowned me into my own thoughts of defeat and pessimism and sapped all the happiness within me. I am not supposed to feel that way anymore. I am not supposed to be affected by my past.
But here I am, feeling listless...feeling the loss of yesterday when I should be focusing on my recent actual and potential gains.
And here's Maski making me think. Here's a fellow who tells me that I make him overthink...and yet unknowingly the effect of our collision is mutual-
1. May mga bagay na hindi talaga meant to be...
I have a knack for saying, "Aw, hindi meant to be" when things don't turn out as wanted. But then later on I realized that I (think I have a feeling that I) have a tendency to apply this in serious life situations. My choice of course speaks loudly for it.
But then again, I believe that even though there are things that are not meant to be, there is the power of prayer and God's will to help us attain the impossible (as long as it is for his glory). Di ba nga, sa mundong ito, dalawa lang iyan, either you're for God or you're for the enemy, that's all. Also, secondary to that, I believe in the power of wanting. The Lord did not give us the power of free will for nothing...it worked for JFK- why not for us too? :P
2. In order to attain something, great sacrifices must be made...
I think there is truth to this. Best example? Christ. :) My personal example would be my course again. But really, I am not putting down my pen for good. I will return and snatch it up again...then, with a white cap on my head and an RN to enhance it.
Another version of this line is, in order to attain something great, one has to forgo some of the personal pleasures of life. With reference to Freud's id-ego-superego theory, I say that we cannot be kids forever. We cannot stay as seedlings for life. We have to grow and grow through life, lest we want to live a stagnant life in all aspects. We have to learn to leave the life where id always takes the lead and start allowing the superego to flourish and have its say for the part of the ego.
With this, we can now forgo pleasures and learn the value of sacrifice. After all, if we are people who merely answer to the wants of the flesh and the moment, then what makes us different from animals?
I believe that true maturity is seen in two ways: 1. Being able to accept and realize that we are not mature enough; and 2. Being able to see beyond the present situation and waiting for the right time.
I bravely speak of such things. But like everyone else, I am just...weak. Everyone knows that. I succumb to my own defeats. I just need to change my perpective of things...set my eyes on God's promise...and use my failures as a pedestal for me to see more and not stay down on the ground.
Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored
Hahaha. Need I say more? Actually, yes.
I am bored! Come on! Aaaa. It's killing me. But I'm still playing the resilient little imp that I am- I don't want to work on my school stuff yet, those pref cards waiting for me...I can almost hear them shouting, "Do us...do us..." But I cover my ears and say, "I won't." Not today. Not when I'm supposed to be living my sedentary life. Ahahaha.
Just before this I tried tinkering with my Rubix (I gave it a name and a gender). Since I learned how to do the third layer just this Tuesday I have been assembling and mixing him up again and again. After lunch I was busying myself with doing him with time pressure. My personal best is just 3 mins 9 sec. Average is 4 minutes. Initial time is 6 minutes. Shame, my little bro can do it in 2...
But of course that gets boring in no time. So I tried camwhoring mode within my four walls and it soon lost its appeal for today...duh, not so much fun there, hahaha.
And so I got up and tried net surfing, which I have been doing for two days straight. I checked my mail, browsed for new stuff on google, checked out vids at youtube, wrote on blogspot, checked other people's multiply accounts, fixed my friendster account, wrote on the blog there (ok, I am a blogaholic, I know)...modified my images...then I now don't have much to do other than breathe and talk nonesense with my housemates, hahaha. Which is also fun, but then loses its thrill later on...
OK, OK, so the boredom is getting to me that much. :) Thank God for my blogspot...I am writing my thoughts now instead of using my idle hands for something else I'd regret later on. Hahahaha. It is always important to keep them working unless you're asleep...or else!
Now I'm craving for pancit canton. Maybe I should cook some after this entry...
I feel so bored. I want to start up on a good piece of story, a script...or a poem perhaps, but then...my inspiration tank needs refilling. Hahahaha.
Hmm...if I get insanely bored enough I'd be doing those pref cards...
No way...Anni wouldn't do that. Hahaha. Let my whore nursing take the backseat for now. I'll try to get in the mood and then I'm pleasuring myself with writing, which I really love. :P
I am bored! Come on! Aaaa. It's killing me. But I'm still playing the resilient little imp that I am- I don't want to work on my school stuff yet, those pref cards waiting for me...I can almost hear them shouting, "Do us...do us..." But I cover my ears and say, "I won't." Not today. Not when I'm supposed to be living my sedentary life. Ahahaha.
Just before this I tried tinkering with my Rubix (I gave it a name and a gender). Since I learned how to do the third layer just this Tuesday I have been assembling and mixing him up again and again. After lunch I was busying myself with doing him with time pressure. My personal best is just 3 mins 9 sec. Average is 4 minutes. Initial time is 6 minutes. Shame, my little bro can do it in 2...
But of course that gets boring in no time. So I tried camwhoring mode within my four walls and it soon lost its appeal for today...duh, not so much fun there, hahaha.
And so I got up and tried net surfing, which I have been doing for two days straight. I checked my mail, browsed for new stuff on google, checked out vids at youtube, wrote on blogspot, checked other people's multiply accounts, fixed my friendster account, wrote on the blog there (ok, I am a blogaholic, I know)...modified my images...then I now don't have much to do other than breathe and talk nonesense with my housemates, hahaha. Which is also fun, but then loses its thrill later on...
OK, OK, so the boredom is getting to me that much. :) Thank God for my blogspot...I am writing my thoughts now instead of using my idle hands for something else I'd regret later on. Hahahaha. It is always important to keep them working unless you're asleep...or else!
Now I'm craving for pancit canton. Maybe I should cook some after this entry...
I feel so bored. I want to start up on a good piece of story, a script...or a poem perhaps, but then...my inspiration tank needs refilling. Hahahaha.
Hmm...if I get insanely bored enough I'd be doing those pref cards...
No way...Anni wouldn't do that. Hahaha. Let my whore nursing take the backseat for now. I'll try to get in the mood and then I'm pleasuring myself with writing, which I really love. :P
Gracie's first birthday (Feb 23, 2008)
Disclaimer: OK first of all hindi ko anak to hahahaha...it's my little niece, Gracie, who celebrated her first birthday last month. Ang cute niya no...wla lang, I just thought that after I got it this morning I should post it for the record keeping. :)I pray that this little girl would grow up to be a beautiful soul...ano kayang sasabihin niya sa kin when she's all grown up and she sees this picture with me?:)
Baka matawa na lang kaming dalawa...hahaha.
Well I've always been known for contemplating too much about the future when I'm not even sure about anything in it. :)
Anyway she's just a precious little girl on my lap...I better take the time and admire her that way while I still can hahahahaha.:P
May mga bagay na kailangang matagal bago mapakinabangan
Like ice tubes, for instance.
Ice tubes, which really bummed me since the quenching of my thirst was postponed...but yes, quenched. Just three hours ago I was trying to prepare an icy glass of coke as an appetizer for my first meal of the day. I was not too happy to find a big chunk of ice in the freezer instead of separate ice tubes.
So what I did was, I took the ice box and put water in it in an attempt to melt and separate them. In the end I got about four, just perfect for a cold drink...ohhhh yeah. Tulad nga ng sabi rin ni Ahia Andrew at ni Christian Bautista, the best things in life are free.
But here's a deeper insight on ice tubes...the way I see it, there are just some things in life that one cannot hurry. Like school work, for instance. Like growing up and growing old. Like love. Tulad nga ng sabi ng friend kong si Maski, it takes time. To follow that, patience is a virtue.
Well unfortunately it doesn't work so well for me, since I am a very impatient wreck. But it is inevitable with knowledge deficit- with the wrong outlook. In the process of waiting without proper insight, there will really be whining on why things take too long. And also, it's a waste of energy to complain when nothing gets done anyway with it, so why do that, right? So a proper perspective of things will suffice in the long wait.
But yeah, we are, in variable aspects, complicated people. And we are creatures of God too, so we should know how to go about it...and here comes the issue of trust, of faith. One of God's three possible answers to our questions is "wait." With faith, defined briefly as believing without seeing, we are compelled to go on in spite of being in the dark. In spite of not really knowing how things will turn out sooner or later, we are called to hold on to this mysterious element which can drive us to persevere in life despite our questions...
It takes a lot of faith to believe that God is in control of things and knows what he is doing with our lives...and it's the only way we can surely survive through this labyrinth called life.
Ice tubes, which really bummed me since the quenching of my thirst was postponed...but yes, quenched. Just three hours ago I was trying to prepare an icy glass of coke as an appetizer for my first meal of the day. I was not too happy to find a big chunk of ice in the freezer instead of separate ice tubes.
So what I did was, I took the ice box and put water in it in an attempt to melt and separate them. In the end I got about four, just perfect for a cold drink...ohhhh yeah. Tulad nga ng sabi rin ni Ahia Andrew at ni Christian Bautista, the best things in life are free.
But here's a deeper insight on ice tubes...the way I see it, there are just some things in life that one cannot hurry. Like school work, for instance. Like growing up and growing old. Like love. Tulad nga ng sabi ng friend kong si Maski, it takes time. To follow that, patience is a virtue.
Well unfortunately it doesn't work so well for me, since I am a very impatient wreck. But it is inevitable with knowledge deficit- with the wrong outlook. In the process of waiting without proper insight, there will really be whining on why things take too long. And also, it's a waste of energy to complain when nothing gets done anyway with it, so why do that, right? So a proper perspective of things will suffice in the long wait.
But yeah, we are, in variable aspects, complicated people. And we are creatures of God too, so we should know how to go about it...and here comes the issue of trust, of faith. One of God's three possible answers to our questions is "wait." With faith, defined briefly as believing without seeing, we are compelled to go on in spite of being in the dark. In spite of not really knowing how things will turn out sooner or later, we are called to hold on to this mysterious element which can drive us to persevere in life despite our questions...
It takes a lot of faith to believe that God is in control of things and knows what he is doing with our lives...and it's the only way we can surely survive through this labyrinth called life.
I hate BFDD!!! Ang aking litanya...bow!
Past my reviewing of other people's thoughts displayed on words, I am now freaking out with the fact that there are some girls who just can't get enough of their boyfriends!!! I know I can be a bastard...hell, I know I AM, hahaha...but it just irritates me so to realize how some girls can be overly attached to their boyfriends that they can't talk about anything else but their mate! It's a syndrome I call BFDD (Boyfriend Dependency Disorder).
Come on! Don't you girls think you deserve a life? I mean a life apart from your lovebirds? It's not like you're going to live a half life if you tried to, that's a lie if you believe that. Man, it's just sick to think that you can't live without this certain person, regardless of whether he is a significant other or what...it's sucks, and it's pathetic, so wake up. It's a fallacy, see- do you actually die when you are forced to tear yourself away from the company of this person whom you think is THAT significant to your ADLs (activities of daily living)?
Well of course it's an exception if you're blessedly married, since it's the real thing and you are, after all, already bound together by God, and I love that, no problem with it.
But with boyfriends and girlfriends...do you not see how futile it is? I believe having one especially at an early age is just a load of bull, since it is a relationship wherein you just pretend to be husband and wife to each other (yeah, it's NOT real!). It's almost like a nursery kid's version of playhouse wherein there's a mom, a dad...but the situation gets more real with the age and the consequences are REAL...you get the drift.
Here's where I apply my frequent line: "You can't manage yourself...so why manage other people's lives (or even try to)?" A blind man cannot lead a blind man because that would certainly bring more harm than good (the good book says so, too). This pathetic waste of time and precious ATP adds to my pile of rage.
And here's another major issue...girlfriends who become too attached to their respective boyfie bastards tend to act like a satellite...the moon, for instance...and their guys plays the role of the rotating earth. I call this the lunar trend. These girls do not realize that there are other dimensions of the universe to see in the form of people they love...they just go dancing around and around their respective "earths" as much as they want. They got friends, got family, got studies...all these become one big load of nuisance for them in this spin that they have chosen to stick with.
Gravity, gravity...the law of attraction? Ay, load of bull...a good reason to call it the "lunacy trend." Hahahaha.
Experiences...
I have a friend who's told me about his pain with this, that whenever he has female friends who develop boyfriend-girlfriend relationships and get overly attached, he takes the backseat, becomes forgotten like old furniture in the basement and later on realizes that he has to take a hike since he is (or feels) no longer needed.
I have felt this way a few times, and I hate it- it sucks to have to take the backseat when you want to sit with the person out front as you always did! There are instances that I picture myself to be that whining kid who insists on taking the front seat of love instead of the newcomer whom I'm undeniably jealous of! (A bout of jealousy is a given especially when you know you can do better that he can! Hahaha!)
"You're just a bitter, inexperienced bitch." or is it, "Oh, Anni you need a new source of insight (to change that)."
First of all I am not bitter (my shot comes later, if God wants to give it to me). And NOT inexperienced (well, yeah technically I am, given that I just renewed my NBSB (no boyfriend since birth) membership for this year, thanks), but then knowledge will suffice for now). And most especially I don't see the need for new source of insight in the form of a guy- how sick can that get?
Similarly people have accused me of being such a bastard in my opinion about premature relationships (aka having a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship at this early age- and take note, I'm turning 21 next month as I write this, hahaha). They try to show me that I am just being this way because I have not experienced the thrill of relationships...having someone to carry your stuff, having someone who's gushing mad to see you everyday...to have and to hold, to hug and to kiss *feigns fainting and kiligers to the max* And all those things Hollywood keeps feeding us through the big screen...hahahaha.
Yah, that's just unnecessary. At least last time I checked, it is, all a waste of time...time which can rather be used for nurturing relationships and productivity.
The mix-up theory-
I have read somewhere that the highest rate of failed marriage started with intensity 100something relationships (as in sky-rocket, passion-all-the-way). I say that's not really surprising...as infatuation (intense attraction) is a counterfeit of love. We are caught in the mixup of that which is similar to love (and what do our young minds know about love, but...hahahaha), but beware that, "infatuation in a minute smolders you whole, yet love forever warms the soul."
Another dimension of the mixup theory is the attraction, the camaraderie and the commitment. Somehow people have a knack for messing with the lines drawn between these three things (even I admit I do). Attraction occurs when one is taken by one aspect of a whole personality (mostly the source of infatuation and sky-high passion). Camaraderie occurs when one yearns to constantly interact with another soul and in the process becomes attached to him or her in the name of mutual friendship (which may at times also be mistaken for something different). Commitment is a decision wherein a person finds this one lone mate whom he or she wants to spend a lifetime with- and mutually commits to them.
All involve some kind of love. All involve giving time and 'commitment' to keep them alive. But they are three different things. They can be mixed up. There are people who are only attracted. There are people who are in friendship. There are people who are attracted and in friendship. And in the rarest circumstance, there are a few who are attracted, in friendship and can commit for a lifetime. Beware of counterfeits! And based on my presented definition, there is no such thing as sole commitment- that is a lie. How can you commit without the steadfast foundation of friendship? Likely it is attraction thought to be commitment.
And finally, the conclusion-
In the end it just saddens me to think that beautiful opportunities and nurturing relationships around us are wasted with something that only glitters like gold but is NOT actually worth as much...not even worth anything...not even worth the time. I feign being bastard here, but I am seriously lamenting for those people who fail to see how big the world is...if they only allow themselves to come free of their shallow concept of the world somehow...they would surely find more than what they think they already have.
You know what? Screw deception. Screw knowledge deficit. Not the girls...just the sad fact that they are stuck there and are prone to learn of their mistakes in due time...in the hard way past the experience.
Come on! Don't you girls think you deserve a life? I mean a life apart from your lovebirds? It's not like you're going to live a half life if you tried to, that's a lie if you believe that. Man, it's just sick to think that you can't live without this certain person, regardless of whether he is a significant other or what...it's sucks, and it's pathetic, so wake up. It's a fallacy, see- do you actually die when you are forced to tear yourself away from the company of this person whom you think is THAT significant to your ADLs (activities of daily living)?
Well of course it's an exception if you're blessedly married, since it's the real thing and you are, after all, already bound together by God, and I love that, no problem with it.
But with boyfriends and girlfriends...do you not see how futile it is? I believe having one especially at an early age is just a load of bull, since it is a relationship wherein you just pretend to be husband and wife to each other (yeah, it's NOT real!). It's almost like a nursery kid's version of playhouse wherein there's a mom, a dad...but the situation gets more real with the age and the consequences are REAL...you get the drift.
Here's where I apply my frequent line: "You can't manage yourself...so why manage other people's lives (or even try to)?" A blind man cannot lead a blind man because that would certainly bring more harm than good (the good book says so, too). This pathetic waste of time and precious ATP adds to my pile of rage.
And here's another major issue...girlfriends who become too attached to their respective boyfie bastards tend to act like a satellite...the moon, for instance...and their guys plays the role of the rotating earth. I call this the lunar trend. These girls do not realize that there are other dimensions of the universe to see in the form of people they love...they just go dancing around and around their respective "earths" as much as they want. They got friends, got family, got studies...all these become one big load of nuisance for them in this spin that they have chosen to stick with.
Gravity, gravity...the law of attraction? Ay, load of bull...a good reason to call it the "lunacy trend." Hahahaha.
Experiences...
I have a friend who's told me about his pain with this, that whenever he has female friends who develop boyfriend-girlfriend relationships and get overly attached, he takes the backseat, becomes forgotten like old furniture in the basement and later on realizes that he has to take a hike since he is (or feels) no longer needed.
I have felt this way a few times, and I hate it- it sucks to have to take the backseat when you want to sit with the person out front as you always did! There are instances that I picture myself to be that whining kid who insists on taking the front seat of love instead of the newcomer whom I'm undeniably jealous of! (A bout of jealousy is a given especially when you know you can do better that he can! Hahaha!)
"You're just a bitter, inexperienced bitch." or is it, "Oh, Anni you need a new source of insight (to change that)."
First of all I am not bitter (my shot comes later, if God wants to give it to me). And NOT inexperienced (well, yeah technically I am, given that I just renewed my NBSB (no boyfriend since birth) membership for this year, thanks), but then knowledge will suffice for now). And most especially I don't see the need for new source of insight in the form of a guy- how sick can that get?
Similarly people have accused me of being such a bastard in my opinion about premature relationships (aka having a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship at this early age- and take note, I'm turning 21 next month as I write this, hahaha). They try to show me that I am just being this way because I have not experienced the thrill of relationships...having someone to carry your stuff, having someone who's gushing mad to see you everyday...to have and to hold, to hug and to kiss *feigns fainting and kiligers to the max* And all those things Hollywood keeps feeding us through the big screen...hahahaha.
Yah, that's just unnecessary. At least last time I checked, it is, all a waste of time...time which can rather be used for nurturing relationships and productivity.
The mix-up theory-
I have read somewhere that the highest rate of failed marriage started with intensity 100something relationships (as in sky-rocket, passion-all-the-way). I say that's not really surprising...as infatuation (intense attraction) is a counterfeit of love. We are caught in the mixup of that which is similar to love (and what do our young minds know about love, but...hahahaha), but beware that, "infatuation in a minute smolders you whole, yet love forever warms the soul."
Another dimension of the mixup theory is the attraction, the camaraderie and the commitment. Somehow people have a knack for messing with the lines drawn between these three things (even I admit I do). Attraction occurs when one is taken by one aspect of a whole personality (mostly the source of infatuation and sky-high passion). Camaraderie occurs when one yearns to constantly interact with another soul and in the process becomes attached to him or her in the name of mutual friendship (which may at times also be mistaken for something different). Commitment is a decision wherein a person finds this one lone mate whom he or she wants to spend a lifetime with- and mutually commits to them.
All involve some kind of love. All involve giving time and 'commitment' to keep them alive. But they are three different things. They can be mixed up. There are people who are only attracted. There are people who are in friendship. There are people who are attracted and in friendship. And in the rarest circumstance, there are a few who are attracted, in friendship and can commit for a lifetime. Beware of counterfeits! And based on my presented definition, there is no such thing as sole commitment- that is a lie. How can you commit without the steadfast foundation of friendship? Likely it is attraction thought to be commitment.
And finally, the conclusion-
In the end it just saddens me to think that beautiful opportunities and nurturing relationships around us are wasted with something that only glitters like gold but is NOT actually worth as much...not even worth anything...not even worth the time. I feign being bastard here, but I am seriously lamenting for those people who fail to see how big the world is...if they only allow themselves to come free of their shallow concept of the world somehow...they would surely find more than what they think they already have.
You know what? Screw deception. Screw knowledge deficit. Not the girls...just the sad fact that they are stuck there and are prone to learn of their mistakes in due time...in the hard way past the experience.
Epistaxis may be secondary to excess heat
So beware, that's just a reminder when you sit beside me, hahaha.
OK, that's just me and my joke, hahaha. Well somehow it's got something to do with today's events...hmm...anyway other than that I am just happy that I got to spend a lot of good time with Jrep and Maski, two of my closest friends. And yeah, both of them are just dirty bastards. Hahaha.
We danced, ate together...chika...
And yeah, i finally learned how to do a good rubiks...hahaha. :)thank you dear maski^^ now i can sleep soundly, hahahaha. :)
But then again...you made me think again. Jrep's always accused me of overthinking. I say that, if it were a crime I'd be in life sentence. Hahaha.
OK, not much to say today. Just lots of love for these two guys/girls who made my day.:)
OK, that's just me and my joke, hahaha. Well somehow it's got something to do with today's events...hmm...anyway other than that I am just happy that I got to spend a lot of good time with Jrep and Maski, two of my closest friends. And yeah, both of them are just dirty bastards. Hahaha.
We danced, ate together...chika...
And yeah, i finally learned how to do a good rubiks...hahaha. :)thank you dear maski^^ now i can sleep soundly, hahahaha. :)
But then again...you made me think again. Jrep's always accused me of overthinking. I say that, if it were a crime I'd be in life sentence. Hahaha.
OK, not much to say today. Just lots of love for these two guys/girls who made my day.:)
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