"Battered-up" Peach (wonder how would that be)

December 15, 2005...a walk to remember (from the Med Bldg to Benavides and back)

Man, that test made me angry...real frustrated! I never really cared about my grades in Chemistry, so what the heck...

*people were minding their businesses inside the lab that afternoon, after lunch (I didn't even eat for this test)...all were expressing their frustrations like me, or asking each other's scores...OC ever...some clung on to their friends...*

Well...what about Peachie? What about me? I looked around for someone and found...

*Arianne was taking her time explaining and consoling others who did not do as well as she did...smart girl...and Christian...well, he took the test late because of classes overlapping...now he got a minus two and he's already laughing at his carelessness...*

I stood right behind him the whole time til he got his grade...and I asked him what his grade was. But before he could tell me, I decided to skip it and go right outside to mourn upon my own little defeat, as I always had before...

But I didn't make it out then...Arianne got in my way and tried to make me happy because she knew what was coming there...

I smiled and said, "I'm ok..." (now that's an overused cliche of my living here)

But she wasn't covinced. I said bye before she could ask me anything else and headed to the second floor to copy the list of test sched for the next three days...while trying to hold my tears.

When I felt almost sure that she and the others were gone, I hurried down and half-decided to go home alone (kahit hindi pwede)...straight to the corridor by the dean's office...and there Christian sat.

No! I can't let him see me like this!

I dashed to the exit, but not before he slipped out of the dean's office to call me...he ran faster and caught up with me...he was like, "Anni, bingi k tlg, ndulas n nga ako s kkhbol s yo...mccra cute face k s yo..." (anu dw?)

I fell silent and just smiled, "I didn't want you to see me like this..." And then I cried.

We walked to the phone booth corner. I wanted to go home and sleep it all off, but he wouldn't let me.

"Anni, stop crying, ayaw kong nkkta ng umiiyak sa harap ko." And that made me stop.

And then I told him my problem...the diagnosis:

• Partly dala ng frustration sa Chemistry, pero my closest friends...Arianne and Christian...so great in Chem...and me...so insecure...not so gifted with the compounds...
• Sanay ako na maraming naitutulong sa friends ko, especially those dear to me...and now wla akong maisip na maibigay kay Christian, puro na lng xa ang bida sa Chem and I'm the helpless innocent/ignorante...must be underlying pride to want independence from others...
• I fear the time when these two friends of mine leave me alone sa next year if they get tired of me.

I told him all these...and he suddenly said, "Anni, I don't think I've told you...ikaw friend kta. Now, what is a friend?"

Natigilan ako kasi I forgot that he was not just a companion...must be all the doubts...

He said, "Anni, bakit kta friend? Hindi dahil Anni is bubbly...hindi dahil I like a part of you...but because you are you."

Man, that's my principle in friendship and he was throwing it back at me.

And then we walked outside...we saw fungi and rain as we talked about my prob...and stopped beside this cart of ice cream near the post office of the main bldg...

"Nakakain k n b ng ice cream and bread?" ---Negative and answer ko

He bought me one and urged me to eat dun sa mlapit sa favorite seat nmin sa lovers' lane...he couldn't make me laugh,I know all of his jokes and I was better at that, so he tried piecing up some wise sayings, but couldn't get them out there at once, so he brought out his cell and read to me a few of his favorite quotes...it kind of made me feel happy...

Honestly I hated the ice cream, tasted like bavarian donut...but his company really helped me force it all down to 1/4...and then we walked back to the nursing pav, my spirits somehow lifted with the reminder that Christian and the rest of my chosen friends are here to stay.

So far the biggest lesson that hit me in my entire stay in UST- Everyone needs a friend to help them out!

I've been trying to convince myself otherwise, forcing to do my own stuff most of the time...and felt bad and defeated when I would get someone's help at work...when all that person wanted more often than not is to plainly help me in the name of friendship...and not go superior...

I'm just being proud, so that's a mistake...kahit na sabihin ko pang work lang yan.

Grades for the first sem

I think I have soooo underestimated myself...for the whole sem break I did not make any attempts to view my grades online, maybe because I was afaind to face the truth...or so it seemed to me. Quite frankly I think I am satisfied with the results...here goes...

• My highest score is 1.5...in Psychology and...guess what, Theology!
• Lowest score- chem, 2.75 (I was expecting 3 below, which is failure! Hahahaha! Whew...)
• **My lowest grade tlga, though thankfully not included sa gen ave computation, is 3- sa volleyball (what do you expect, I'm baaaad at sports- Peach and balls just don't match (no greens intended! hahahahaha!)

I know it's kinda high for a dream, but I wanna be part of the dean's list...(I need 1.75 average, no academic score lower than 2.75...)

• And my average for the first sem...1.8

Ey, btw- I wanna read the tenth ish of Legion---Tif! pabgay nmn k Keith! - my bro, I mean- hahahaha! Hope ur ok! tctc!

Break ko from 8 to 11 2day wahahaha

Ey, it's me again, the adventurer, the wanderer of our small small world...right now I am in the humanities section, 5th flr of the big big library of this univeristy. There are many things I miss right now, since second sem started...

1. I miss Philosophy, and all the rambles during that one hour period...not to mention the amusing tandem of those two fave teachers of mine...haay!

2. I miss my berkies...Teddy, Tiff, Rat, Shuri, Bern mylabs (who js had her bday ysterdy), Ian, Jep...I wonder how my "Family" is doing too...hope Rat is not starving the kids...hahahaha!

3. I miss the old high school sched. My sched is m-t:7 to 4, though may breaks like these when I can actually bond with some people I wna b friends with (like yesterday usap kmi ni Jonathan Tseng for more than an hour, then lunch I met two of his blokm8s n frnds na ok rn nmn para maexpose ako, then now im spnding time with a new friend of mine, Christian)

4. I miss bestfriend. Globe is such a bad network- yep, that's a fallacy- hasty generalization, but it's not working well for my msgs for him! I txtd him 6x na, no rep pa rin- either I don't get his msgs or he doesn't get mine! And that's making me a zombie kasi I've been worried sick since sunday!!!

OK, so much for the miss-u thangs...tctc ha, can't visit for a while, medyo busy ang bruha (dts me)

Just greetings

Just wanna greet you sj peepz kasi last day na! As I write this I'm sure you are all in the testing area, trying to sqeeze whatever your brains have managed to suck in last night...xp eeeewwww. nwy hp you guys enjoy the weekend...konting days n lng nmn b4 bakasyon, so tiis na lang kayo ppl! take care and I congratulate you for a job well done! and remember! Peach loves you always!Mwahhhh!

The Advantages of Competition

Yes, you read me right...I take back what I've said in my last blog...about competition being a disadvantage in the course of courtship...

You see, right after I wrote this last blog, I met up with Lorenz and had lunch with him. He was freshly motivated by our Psych prof, Mr. Maglalang, about this factor in courtship. Of course, while eating spaghetti and chicken in Jollibee, he discussed to me what advice this great guy had for him. After careful analysis, I change my perspective of competition...

Turns out, it's quite an advantage! (You guys read this clear!) Think this in a smart man's perspective: If I choose to go for the girl depite the high competition rate, I will be given more assurance that if ever she chooses to take me in, she won't go trading me for any of her other wanna-be Romeos, because she'd already be choosing the best!

Generally, girls with lots of guys pampering them with admiration would be prompted to choose the best, the creme de la creme, the biggest diamond in the minefield...gets? And think this: In the course of the relationship, trust goes high however you see it.

There! Just clarifying...hope you people find this info useful! Many thanks to our dear prof...

People need people to grow

No man is an island. Yes, it's a lamey, but it is true...it holds true to this time, especially this time that I'm reflecting on this basic thought. Why? Well it just occured to me that God actually sent me my elite set of agents- aka my true friends- to help me realize which areas I need reparing and development.

For instance, when long before when I was a rotten, untrusting pessimist who wanted to be left alone, He brought me to my lot in first year. He gave me Tiffany and Shane to help me accept and love myself. He gave me Therese, Herschel, and Leanne to help me trust people and love them unconditionally. They all helped me turn my feelings into audible words that they would gladly listen to- and not just to the limits of my notebooks and fantasy.

Later Paulo came and taught me about courage and how to value my friends right. Jonreph came with the lesson of, 'Never give up!' (tell me about it, esp. in Math)

I'm still growing, and I am happy that I am learning through this whole process. I am very thankful for the people who stood up for me, particularly in my early life. Most of all I am very grateful for God, who is forever crazy about me.

Funny bonuses...Andrew came to teach me about appreciating text messages. Now Paulo is teaching me (I think) how not to be afraid of phone calls...(will discuss this phobia some other time, it's not funny!- for those who are laughing)

Two hours ago, Lorenz and I were walking to CFAD...we discussed the need for others to grow. We rounded up on the topic of something like this: We build relationships with people and grow through sharing lives with them. It is in the nature of man to find people similar to himself and develop intimate bonds with them. This is an undeniable fact.

The only thing worse than death is being a living dead...walking the face of this world without yielding to growth.

OK, gtg- have to go back to my class by one pm...

The perfect 'It' person

My last night's conversation with Paulo (930-1200) provoked these thoughts to linger longer than I expected them to. I'm going to try to put them into words now before I eat my lunchie with Lorenz.

First, the misconception of Peach that all guys dare to be true with girls...turns out some wiser guys actually prefer to wait and see how things unfold between them and their female choice before making a move (my praises go out to these males, coz that means they use their brains more, not just leaving it to the inner workings of their hearts )...I used to think all guys just go for it without thinking things through...yah, yah...kk...

Next! It is a fact that having a special relationship with a closer friend is complicated and more risky...there's lots to sacrifice and lots of obstacles to watch out for...constantly! Before, then, and after! Think about it. If you have relations with someone who's just a 'friend', there isn't so much to think of or to lose just in case things don't work out fine, right? And when you go your separate ways it won't really affect either parties as much as if you'd dig through a closer bond of say, camaraderie.

Now I'm not saying it's not gonna work...it's just THAT complicated when you start digging from the inner core of relationships...

Ah, here's from something I've recently read...guys actually look out for clues (of sparks of love, whatever you call it), whether consciously or not. Some may deny it, but yes, it is part of us that we look for the right one as we get on with our everday lives, hehehe. (Will discuss the stages some time, maybe...xp)

And another one that really surprised me...most sincere guys hate competition when it comes to the art of courtship. There are living examples among us to prove it! Wahahaha! Sure, there's the thrill of winning her first, but wouldn't it be more comforting to have the chances all to yourself? That is why some guy, particularly the reasonable ones, do not like wasting time on picking a rose already surrounded by thorns...gets?

Ah...and another thing...it sucks to be second best, doesn't it? Well, it's the same on love, so that also explains why guys who are into girls hate the traditional cockfight in the name of who gets the hen! Wehehe...whatever...

Think about it! Tell me what you think! Hahahaha!

Freedom!!!

Haaay! The end of the 3-day preliminaires has come to an end, and I am looking forward to a restful and chem-free weekend! Yey to that!

Today was very nice. Andrew and I went out for a little shopping together before his trip to China on Monday, hehehe. It's unusual to find guys who'd take walking for hours, and so I am fascinated with this creature! Hehehe...hey, that's a complement!

The shakes prove more of his rarity...we went to Fruitas for a quick thrist quencher...shakes (of course libre niya, wahahaha, dapat lang...I had pineapple and he had mango), and walked across to the bead shop to test the effectiveness of their mood rings (I've always wanted one, but I want the real thing...so I tested it by cold shakes contact, and yes, I was convinced of their authenticy).

While I was asking about it, we put down our shakes and did sales talk, whatever you call that...and when I was finally ready to leave with one of the rings (thanks a lot, Ahia), I was surprised to find my shake gone...ininom na ni Andrew di pa niya namalayan yung difference! Hahahaha! Weirdo...I recall him telling me he DIDN'T want pineapple shakes...

About to come to an end

I think I am ready to say goodbye to my "pacing the room" phase...and finally walk out the door and go my merry way like the norm...like eight months before.

Anyway, I see not the reason why some guys think that girls are unfeeling creatures not meant for wasting their time on...particularly a teacher of mine in college...hmm. Well, we are all entitled to our own opinions, right, so that's ok...but I think we are like layered cakes, different and hard to discern. And I am NOT unfeeling...HE is, that guy...my personal 'the one'...whatever.

I guess I finally got tired of my cycle of love then leave, love then leave...that I began to realize...what's the use of keeping a fire lit up when there's nothing to cook? Hahahaha...my point is, if I can't even have him, what's the point of loving him...in secret, even?

Yep, unconditional love, as they say...it might even be just infatuation, but what the heck...whatever it is I'm dropping it for real, this time. No use taking time when I know within myself that I'm not telling him, not in a million years...I can't afford to pay the intangible price...

I met him just three hours ago, and he looked great...I hope he knows that...

Then he told me about the girl he's been keeping up with...lovely sweet girl, I can bet...of course I asked a lot of questions...he answered most of them...and he said goodbye...I didn't even get handshake...much less a friendly hug, which I had expected. Oh well...it's not my day...hahaha.

OK, I'm signing off...(in both ways)

Lately, really....

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the one, my personal 'the one'...(of course, I'm not telling kung sino, mahirap na...) Lately, he's been on my mind. No day seems to pass na hindi siya sumayad sa utak ko...I still get butterflies in my stomach everytime I see him.

Sure, I know what you guys think...it's a dangerous game, keeping a secret this good...and this heavy...there were nights I never got to sleep til four am just thinking if he thinks of me too at the moment...yah, pathetic, but love it is, as they say...or is it?

I have debated on this for eight months already, and whether this is worth keeping as it might be an infatuation (or maybe not), I am still in between the gaps of yes, no, si, iie, hai, sh, pu sh...you know what I mean.

I'm confident that if I keep my heart well out of sight, I'll be safe from any kind of scandal...though not forever. But I am good at keeping my heart out of sight, especially from him (I think), so what the heck, gotta love this nearly perfect guy...sigh sigh si peach...

But lately, I think he's hooked on this babe...she's pretty, I've heard. And yes, I'm jealous...hahahaha!

Again, my mechanism...bring in more shirts to the dressing room and fit them all at the same time! I have lots of crushies, and I treat them like shirts you can wash and wear...or even throw. And believe me, I've tried to take this special 'shirt' off more than once, but the more I get to see other shirts the more I am convinced that I'm keeping this one for longer!

OK, will have to go for PE...ciao...

just a peachless day...or was it?

I am still at the point of wondering within myself why yesterday didn't seem so right. I went off at four feeling sorry for myself and my class for not getting the incentives...and yes, for not winning any special awards.

Just thinking now: If I ever get this posted, it'll be my first blog ever...I used to be against blogging, because of the idea that manual still works best, but well, look who's finally ready to go scribbling in the net!

Anyway, regarding yesterday, I walked off the scene with a heavy heart that I even poured out to mom all that had transpired that day. On the right senses I take note not to, because she's particularly harsh when dealing with pathetic problems like her only daughter in the family.

Pathetic. Yep, I admit I was feeling like that yesterday. I watched the video of what had happened onstage, and I really felt that it was great, except for those particular people who deliberately didn't take this whole thing seriously (I won't have to mention names...it's over, who point at characters now, right?).

Now I can really say that a bad apple really does a lot of harm to a whole basket of them. No wonder Jaypee, our most respected instructor, was very serious about pulling off people who don't seem to have their hearts set in the program...now I really, really know why.

But before I fell asleep, my reflections tell me I've had a pretty great day, especially when Paulo, arrived with Berenice and Shuri...three of my most trusted friends. They saw me perform. It was an answered prayer, for I had been praying for this, even at backstage...to the last minute, I had been walking around fourth floor nursing corridor, watching the stairways for any sign of them- barefoot and with corn-colored hands...thank God for his humored blessings...

Too bad they had to leave as fast, for when we were about to go back to sj together in our car, ma came telling us that we have to go to Caloocan to have the car checked-it's overheating! (Later we realize that the car had no water anymore. Papa scolds me. Ma suspects it as a sabotage plan of someone in the Mendiola neighborhood. Sigh...)

I might have to wait for Saturday before we can catch up on recent issues, hehehe. I can't wait! Also, there's the arrival of Tiffany, back from her retreat...I hope she had fun..!
In the meantime I'll surf before my volleyball PE, three pa eh...cge cge! Go Peach!