(Inspired by a Psalms verse...
Truly, He is the only one we can truly believe in!)
My worries turn like leaves,
Carried by the wind of your grace.
My wounds fade out to nothing
With the healing of your embrace.
For great is Your love,
Higher than the heavens.
Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Stir me with Your unfailing love.
Be exalted forever, mighty God!
My eyes are set on You as the world fades away,
And nothing else matters.
My fears crumble like ashes,
Carried by the wind of Your grace.
My pain is changed to joy
With the healing of Your embrace.
For great is Your love,
Higher than the heavens.
Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Set me free with Your saving love.
I thank You forever, mighty God!
My heart is set on You as the world fades away,
And nothing else matters.
And nothing else matters but You, and You, my Lord...
NO (When God says no)
(Composed as I typed. Crazy... but...)
I guessed I wanted to love you and make you mine. But then now, I realize...it's not my choice because it's not God's will. Hm.
Don't you dare go that way again,
It's gonna be the same pain if you begin.
Do you not remember the times of old,
You were left disappointed and so cold?
Over time you were able to get back on your feet,
Understand- that's enough, and this is it!
Remember that I snatched you with a price to pay,
Even if it cost me dearly just to make THE way.
All I did for you because I'm true!
Love is here, and you know- I love you!
Look at me now and forget about him.
You'll receive the best- more than your dream!
Love is more than just your being happy.
Everything you need, you'll find in me,
All the love and freedom you've yet conceived.
Reach out and dare to risk, believe!
Nothing is impossible, you just wait and see!
I guessed I wanted to love you and make you mine. But then now, I realize...it's not my choice because it's not God's will. Hm.
Don't you dare go that way again,
It's gonna be the same pain if you begin.
Do you not remember the times of old,
You were left disappointed and so cold?
Over time you were able to get back on your feet,
Understand- that's enough, and this is it!
Remember that I snatched you with a price to pay,
Even if it cost me dearly just to make THE way.
All I did for you because I'm true!
Love is here, and you know- I love you!
Look at me now and forget about him.
You'll receive the best- more than your dream!
Love is more than just your being happy.
Everything you need, you'll find in me,
All the love and freedom you've yet conceived.
Reach out and dare to risk, believe!
Nothing is impossible, you just wait and see!
Two Poems
Been a poet since I was twelve... got the hype after the English teacher told us to write a haiku as part of written exercise.
Enjoy...
1.Musings~
You are not mine, I am not yours.
I am perhaps yearning for something close to the real thing.
What is it? Some call it love.
And sometimes I'm thinking it's you...
That true love has been standing in front of me for a while.
Am I in love? I've asked myself.
Do you love me? How do you feel?
Yet I cannot bear to ask you for real.
For when I think of it more, I realize that I cannot pay the price.
I cannot commit to someone who doesn't seem to understand the gravity of long-term relationships.
So come, let's leave it in a drawer and forget it.
Hide the proposal under lock and key.
Yes, we are single.
Yes, we are free.
No, I won't ever love you.
2.The Winning Song
It's a glorious day of celebration
A festivity of friendships and fiery passion
My eyes saw the smiles, my ears heard the laughter
Though a song in my mind sounded so much beter
How time slow-danced as I met your gaze
Embracing my senses through the crowded haze
While everyone else melted away in applause
I saw only you in that moment's pause
Nothing mattered as you held me firmly
Nothing else but your smile, and you and me
Even my heart can never go wrong
Resounding your secret winning song
Don't mind the world as we sway to the sound
Don't mind the commotion of everyone around
All I know is I hear the song
As it tells me clearly we both belong
To the fortunate few who can really hear
To such blessed hearts wthout much fear
Go on and take your hero's stand
Go ahead and feel it, take her hand
All you know is you hear the song
And it tells you clearly you both belong
Not Why But When
Someday, you will realize why this is happening- including all the disgusting hair growth, unusual complexion, and uneven distribution of body mass. Oh, and the persecution, rejection, and ostracism. Though your sorrow may last for a night, you'll see...joy comes in the morning. You know in your heart that I am with you always and I love you.
~ God, to the contemplative caterpillar
~ God, to the contemplative caterpillar
Why 10,000 Reasons captured my interest
Recently I was able to listen to one of the songs at the Christian billboard, entitled, "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman. From the start of the song I was spellbound. I literally had to put down my book to pay more attention to it. It really stopped the time for me. That means it's a good song...
So what makes it special? The rhythm is not so new- just guitar strumming mostly... I think it's a great song because of the inspiring combination of thoughts in the lyrics. This praise and worship song expresses two very important ideas:
1. the basic life goal of every Christian: to glorify the Lord each day of this life and beyond
2. two important attributes of God- kindness and patience for His people
Aw. Brimming with delight. I desire to worship and just bask in the love of God..!
Bless the Lord, o my soul... o my soul...worship Your Holy Name!
So what makes it special? The rhythm is not so new- just guitar strumming mostly... I think it's a great song because of the inspiring combination of thoughts in the lyrics. This praise and worship song expresses two very important ideas:
1. the basic life goal of every Christian: to glorify the Lord each day of this life and beyond
2. two important attributes of God- kindness and patience for His people
Aw. Brimming with delight. I desire to worship and just bask in the love of God..!
Bless the Lord, o my soul... o my soul...worship Your Holy Name!
Masanay Ka Na
Hay Diyos ko, sabi ko nga po eh...
Sa gabing ito, pagkalipas ng aking pagmumuni at ating pag-uusap, naipaalala Niyo po sa akin ang isang *sabay tingin sa google ng katumbas na salita* bersikulo sa aklat ni Pedro-
(eto hindi ko na maitatagalog at nako... hahaha)
1 Peter 12-13- "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed."
Dapat hindi na po ako nagugulat sa nangyayari sa akin... lalo na nitong mga huling linggo na sinusubok ang katatagan ng aking pananampalataya. Ang hirap lalo na kung ang mga mahal mo ang mismong nagbibigay ng hirap sa iyo. Alam ko naman na pangako ng Diyos ang pagsalba sa 'kanila'... siyempre sa takdang oras at plano Niyo po, darating iyan... Hay, ewan ko ba.
...
Nako, mare...masanay ka na. Ayos lang, masaya ka naman. Totoong masaya...malaya...panatag ang loob dahil sa Kanya.
Sa ngayon, nararapat lang na maging matatag... ganyan talaga ang resulta ng isang matinding pagpapasiya: Malamang may mga dapat isantabi...mga bagay na hindi na mahalaga kung ang pagtutuunan ng pansin ay ang bagay na napiling panindigan. :)
Diyos ko... lagi Niyo po akong paalalahanan... Salamat po sa karunungan na ibinibigay Niyo. Turuan Niyo po akong maging matatag...
9 Books (and why you ought to pick them up asap)
I've been a bookworm for as long as I can remember (yes, I literally started the addiction from picture books). Must be the smell of the pages... but more than that, I think that books are, as my friend once told me in my college days, "intellectual investments." Every book has some considerable value which goes beyond its price tag. Never mind the popular reads... but for me, there are only three types of books:
Class A- You must read this before you die! (Revolutionary.)
Class B- You should read this. (Highly recommended.)
Class C- You may read this. (Or not.)
I believe that books are indispensable, and there are some particularly memorable ones which have heavily influenced my way of thinking, mostly in my walk with the Lord. This is why I have made a list of the books which I hope that all people should read as soon as possible. So far, there are 27 titles in my list, but here, I will only be talking about nine... lest you'd want to spend a very long dinner with me to discuss each.
So! Not in order... here are my Top 9 (Class A) book selections, all published by OMF-
1. The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey-
Yancey's inquisitive nature has captured the sentiment of the world, including mine, I believe. His writings come off so genuine because he asks the raw questions that not too many believers would want to delve in. I think I was able to know more of the Lord's omnipotence AND humility by reading this book, which is a product of Yancey's personal search for God. It offers a closer (and I mean really CLOSER) look on the persona of Jesus- his godly and human attributes. If you're serious about knowing Jesus and you have (or you want to have) a personal relationship with him, then this is a very important book to read. Very heavy, but profoundly satisfying.
2. Eros Redeemed by John White-
Agape is the popular type, but in the popular culture, Eros is the mainstay. In a time when sexual liberation is becoming an accepted norm, White opens the discussion of Eros through this brilliant exposition. In this book, he boldly discusses sexual love as God's wonderful creation, and also dispels common and wrong beliefs about it. In detail, he talks about the gravity of sexual sin, and why it is indeed one of the worst sins to deal with. In a sex-crazed society, this is a much-needed read for a better perspective. I don't care if it's an old book- the issues presented within are still very much apparent in the modern day. I believe that my view of sex has improved through reading this book.
3. The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson-
I've read this for about 14 times, and I still think it rightly belongs to the shelves of the classics. Anderson comes up with a detailed list (yes, there is a list) of worldly elements which can be sources of bondages for people, Christian or non-Christian. Many books discuss about sin, but few contain straightforward points like the ones in this book. From this I learned that sin does not stop at just the act of sinning- there is more to it than just the "wrong" action, both in the natural and supernatural realms. Reading this more than once has deepened my understanding of strongholds, and, more importantly, of my freedom in Christ. If you want to know more about that, then this is the book to read.
4. What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey-
Another self-searching book of Yancey, this attempts to explain the grace of God in a more detailed fashion. Yancey uses accounts of different people to show the transcendent power of grace and why everyone- and I mean every one of us- needs it. Having had my share of doubts regarding grace, I would gladly give this book to someone who wants to be assured of the mystery of God's finished work of salvation through Jesus. Mind-blowing (come on, it's a Yancey pick), but very sincere. I can feel the heart of "a man after God's own heart" beating through the pages.
5. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris-
For the young ones and the young once, this proves to be a challenging read. Harris, having written this from his dating and non-dating experience, offers practical Bible-based views and solutions to honor God through a life of holiness. I had first read this when I was in high school, and I think it has substatially helped in shaping my attitude on relationships (including waiting on the Lord for my husband). I personally think that this is so controversial in the sense that the typical dater would not even think of the idea of "not dating" to meet God's destined partner. Even then, I fiercely agree with this guy. This book is full of wisdom concerning different aspects of romantic relationships and allowing God to take hold of them.
6. Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson-
I am not married, but my personal interest in the intricate workings of a godly marriage has often led me to read books about the subject. I must say that this book is the best one I've come across so far. Reading this has given me real hope that marriages can be beautiful (my parents got separated). Dobson, having been happily married for more than 50 years, draws from personal experience as he gives practical solutions for various types of conflicts in marriage. It is interesting to note that this book actually came under fire, since during the time it was published, the commonly accepted idea is that marital conflicts should be dealt with passively and silently (meaning the offended Christian partner ought to suffer quietly and just pray). Dobson disagrees with this traditional method and presents proactive and effective ways to handle such difficult matters. This is perfect for couples NOT under fire- although it can be a useful read for those who actually ARE- but this is something I'd recommend more for couples in the early stage of their relationships. Why? Early prevention is better than cure.
7. Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris-
Honestly I had initially picked this up because of their association with Joshua Harris (their older brother). I had expected a Class B, self-help novel for teenagers, but it was not long before I was very much moved by the Rebelution, a movement (started by the twin brothers themselves) which dares teenagers to do more than what the contemporary society expects them to do. This is what the book is mostly about- that people should start doing hard things in their time of youth, not when they become adults. The book discusses key people who have stepped up early in their lives and successfully built their own legacies for the benefit of the world. I wish I had read this ten years ago. I had actually given my copy away to my younger cousin, as I thought that she would be empowered by such an optimistic perspective of the youth. A powerful and motivational read. Not for traditionalists.
8. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman-
Who wouldn't know Chapman? He has popularized the love languages concept for all of us. His study has immensely benefitted a lot of people in their dealings with love and relationships. In this book, he explains the various expressions of love and how to harness its powers for the enhancement of relationships. Suddenly, the cliche that everyone needs love has become clearer through this. I will always be thankful that I have read this book, since it has given me a very useful and real insight on what it means to give and receive love. Everyone who wants to understand love and how to improve relationships must read this book! Practical and handy in all interpersonal dealings.
9. Joyfully Single by Harold J. Sala-
The bookstore shelves have always been full of titles on marriage, and I think during the time when this book was published, books on the season of singlehood are a rarity. In this intriguing novel, Sala gives a refreshingly positive view of the nurturing life of a single and shouts once and for all that singlehood is not a curse- but a gift and a season to enjoy. This has given me a lot of encouragement, especially since I'm waiting on my husband in an unconventional way (that is, prayerfully waiting on the Lord, thanks to Harris' view). In the Philippine scene where being a single adult is an indication of being cursed with some serious characteristic defect, I think this is highly essential for us to keep trusting God as we continue to flourish- even as a single.
There you have it! And if I were to add two more titles, I'd say the Bible and Narnia. Bible is the Word. Narnia is a classic.
I hope to read more books! Nothing like a great read to chew on...
What about you? What's on your list?^^
Class A- You must read this before you die! (Revolutionary.)
Class B- You should read this. (Highly recommended.)
Class C- You may read this. (Or not.)
I believe that books are indispensable, and there are some particularly memorable ones which have heavily influenced my way of thinking, mostly in my walk with the Lord. This is why I have made a list of the books which I hope that all people should read as soon as possible. So far, there are 27 titles in my list, but here, I will only be talking about nine... lest you'd want to spend a very long dinner with me to discuss each.
So! Not in order... here are my Top 9 (Class A) book selections, all published by OMF-
1. The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey-
Yancey's inquisitive nature has captured the sentiment of the world, including mine, I believe. His writings come off so genuine because he asks the raw questions that not too many believers would want to delve in. I think I was able to know more of the Lord's omnipotence AND humility by reading this book, which is a product of Yancey's personal search for God. It offers a closer (and I mean really CLOSER) look on the persona of Jesus- his godly and human attributes. If you're serious about knowing Jesus and you have (or you want to have) a personal relationship with him, then this is a very important book to read. Very heavy, but profoundly satisfying.
2. Eros Redeemed by John White-
Agape is the popular type, but in the popular culture, Eros is the mainstay. In a time when sexual liberation is becoming an accepted norm, White opens the discussion of Eros through this brilliant exposition. In this book, he boldly discusses sexual love as God's wonderful creation, and also dispels common and wrong beliefs about it. In detail, he talks about the gravity of sexual sin, and why it is indeed one of the worst sins to deal with. In a sex-crazed society, this is a much-needed read for a better perspective. I don't care if it's an old book- the issues presented within are still very much apparent in the modern day. I believe that my view of sex has improved through reading this book.
3. The Bondage Breaker by Neil Anderson-
I've read this for about 14 times, and I still think it rightly belongs to the shelves of the classics. Anderson comes up with a detailed list (yes, there is a list) of worldly elements which can be sources of bondages for people, Christian or non-Christian. Many books discuss about sin, but few contain straightforward points like the ones in this book. From this I learned that sin does not stop at just the act of sinning- there is more to it than just the "wrong" action, both in the natural and supernatural realms. Reading this more than once has deepened my understanding of strongholds, and, more importantly, of my freedom in Christ. If you want to know more about that, then this is the book to read.
4. What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey-
Another self-searching book of Yancey, this attempts to explain the grace of God in a more detailed fashion. Yancey uses accounts of different people to show the transcendent power of grace and why everyone- and I mean every one of us- needs it. Having had my share of doubts regarding grace, I would gladly give this book to someone who wants to be assured of the mystery of God's finished work of salvation through Jesus. Mind-blowing (come on, it's a Yancey pick), but very sincere. I can feel the heart of "a man after God's own heart" beating through the pages.
5. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris-
For the young ones and the young once, this proves to be a challenging read. Harris, having written this from his dating and non-dating experience, offers practical Bible-based views and solutions to honor God through a life of holiness. I had first read this when I was in high school, and I think it has substatially helped in shaping my attitude on relationships (including waiting on the Lord for my husband). I personally think that this is so controversial in the sense that the typical dater would not even think of the idea of "not dating" to meet God's destined partner. Even then, I fiercely agree with this guy. This book is full of wisdom concerning different aspects of romantic relationships and allowing God to take hold of them.
6. Love Must Be Tough by James Dobson-
I am not married, but my personal interest in the intricate workings of a godly marriage has often led me to read books about the subject. I must say that this book is the best one I've come across so far. Reading this has given me real hope that marriages can be beautiful (my parents got separated). Dobson, having been happily married for more than 50 years, draws from personal experience as he gives practical solutions for various types of conflicts in marriage. It is interesting to note that this book actually came under fire, since during the time it was published, the commonly accepted idea is that marital conflicts should be dealt with passively and silently (meaning the offended Christian partner ought to suffer quietly and just pray). Dobson disagrees with this traditional method and presents proactive and effective ways to handle such difficult matters. This is perfect for couples NOT under fire- although it can be a useful read for those who actually ARE- but this is something I'd recommend more for couples in the early stage of their relationships. Why? Early prevention is better than cure.
7. Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris-
Honestly I had initially picked this up because of their association with Joshua Harris (their older brother). I had expected a Class B, self-help novel for teenagers, but it was not long before I was very much moved by the Rebelution, a movement (started by the twin brothers themselves) which dares teenagers to do more than what the contemporary society expects them to do. This is what the book is mostly about- that people should start doing hard things in their time of youth, not when they become adults. The book discusses key people who have stepped up early in their lives and successfully built their own legacies for the benefit of the world. I wish I had read this ten years ago. I had actually given my copy away to my younger cousin, as I thought that she would be empowered by such an optimistic perspective of the youth. A powerful and motivational read. Not for traditionalists.
8. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman-
Who wouldn't know Chapman? He has popularized the love languages concept for all of us. His study has immensely benefitted a lot of people in their dealings with love and relationships. In this book, he explains the various expressions of love and how to harness its powers for the enhancement of relationships. Suddenly, the cliche that everyone needs love has become clearer through this. I will always be thankful that I have read this book, since it has given me a very useful and real insight on what it means to give and receive love. Everyone who wants to understand love and how to improve relationships must read this book! Practical and handy in all interpersonal dealings.
9. Joyfully Single by Harold J. Sala-
The bookstore shelves have always been full of titles on marriage, and I think during the time when this book was published, books on the season of singlehood are a rarity. In this intriguing novel, Sala gives a refreshingly positive view of the nurturing life of a single and shouts once and for all that singlehood is not a curse- but a gift and a season to enjoy. This has given me a lot of encouragement, especially since I'm waiting on my husband in an unconventional way (that is, prayerfully waiting on the Lord, thanks to Harris' view). In the Philippine scene where being a single adult is an indication of being cursed with some serious characteristic defect, I think this is highly essential for us to keep trusting God as we continue to flourish- even as a single.
There you have it! And if I were to add two more titles, I'd say the Bible and Narnia. Bible is the Word. Narnia is a classic.
I hope to read more books! Nothing like a great read to chew on...
What about you? What's on your list?^^
Of Heroes and Hyperfans
While riding a jeepney on the way to Monumento this afternoon, I happened to notice the printed words on the back of the driver's red shirt. However faded it was, I still managed to read the words in bold format, "The Invincible Iron Man."
I smiled as I recalled the hype of Tony Stark, which had soared when his movies were shown internationally. His fame comes as of no surprise to the contemporary audience, most of whom are brought up in the days of super hero worship. I mean, who of this generation hasn't experienced playing Superman or Batman during his childhood days? We may be laughing as the memories of our pretend fighting days (complete with props and storylines) come to our minds, but it's true, right? An essential part of the role-plays we've been accustomed to is imitating the protagonists in spandex who rule primetime television. And yes, Iron Man, even without the spandex, is undeniably part of this legacy.
Heroes. The common equation they probably have is an ordinary, mundane life which transforms into the extraordinary through some special power or gift. Oh, and the popularity...
So where does this come from? I guess this concept of "hero-worship" is rooted in the basic need or tendency of humans to bow down to something, to look up to someone for hope that life is not just all that boring. (If this were not true, then Iron Man wouldn't have raked in so much renevue in the past few years.) I got this profound idea from Dr. James Kennedy's novel (What If Jesus Had Never Been Born?). This is why I personally laugh at the irony of atheism, because it goes against our very nature: our desire to worship something higher and bigger than we are.
The next question is, "Whom should we bow down to?" Sadly, many have answered this question with earthly possessions, shallow relationships, and even by their own capabilities (self-worship). And interesting enough, some have resorted to the fictional heroes, whom the advanced world has given so much value for. We probably do not notice it, as it has become part of our culture, but I believe that a society that feels more comfortable with discussing/fantasizing Iron Man than talking/meditating about God is having its priorities misplaced.
I am not saying that watching and admiring Iron Man as an entertainment figure is wrong, and there is nothing actually sinful about wearing a fan shirt, much like that of the jeepney driver's taste. But we ought to guard our minds as we reside in this temporal world. As Christians, we should not allow ourselves to get too attached to the things of this world that we lose our focus on the things of God. Yes, the many heroes that we know have their memorable one-liners, flashy costumes, and amazing superpowers, but those are only in the limits of our fantasy. In the real world, we only have The Invincible God. He is more than enough to satisfy our need for a higher power. And He alone deserves our worship.
And who says we can't be super? In the real world, we are made by God to lead extraordinary lives. We don't need costumes for that. Through Jesus, our ordinary, hapless being is transformed to a rich and meaningful existence. And to His children, God says,
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will."(Ro.12:2)
And because we already have our security in the Lord,
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day." (2Cor4:16)
Beyond This Life: The Aftermath
Better is one day in Your courts than a thousand elsewhere...(Ps.84:10)
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple...(Ps.27:4)
Tonight, as I think about the wonderful events that took place on the weekend, I remember the intense joy of my encounter with the Lord through those two important days. I remember my encounter with the Lord in the baptism, in the Word, in the fellowship, and in the praise and worship sessions. I must say that yes, I have grown to know and love the Lord all the more just after 48 hours.
But now, as I am being forced to go back to my old workday routine, I sigh in frustration. Not that I have anything to complain about...the Lord has blessed me so immensely during the Victory weekend as it went way beyond my expectations. Yet here I am, wondering. I believe that superhuman moments like these are glimpses of heaven- gray-shaded, poor photocopies of what it feels like to be right there in eternity with the Lord. It may have a lot to do with the traces of spiritual high that I still got out of my God-indulgent weekend, but I find myself having an insatiable yearning for that wonderful feeling...that otherworldly experience wherein I feel free, that the world can fade away for all I care, as nothing else matters. I am wishing that everyday and every moment of my earthly existence would be filled with that mysterious joy that only the Lord can give. This strange desire now makes me realize more deeply that all of humanity is indeed made for a cosmic plan beyond our popular concept of a lifetime. *sigh* Truly, we are built for a realm beyond this old place we call our home planet.
Now I understand why David the Psalmist sang such lines during his earthly existence. Even though he lived as a powerful, anointed king of Israel, he had such a wise view of eternity that no amount of gold or number of women could obstruct his view of God's greatness. He knew because he focused and meditated of God's promises. He understood because he performed in faith.
I believe that, since I still need to work in advancing God's kingdom, I have yet to meet the Lord face to face. I won't be getting my heavenly wish soon. In time, I will- but not now. I just pray that I will always have that faith...that one day, yes, one day I will be there with God in heaven. I will experience the fullness of that otherworldly pleasure of being with him. *sigh* For now, I have to go with God's will and enjoy what great gifts (learnings, relationships, challenges) he has for me. I want to know and love God more while I'm still on earth...for the meantime.
(Honestly, I still have that dismal feeling...it almost brings me to tears...what a sad thing that such intense experiences are intermittent here on earth. But yes, it's time to go back and focus on the urgent tasks at hand...and yes, meditate on the Word and obey...which is nevertheless delightful...) ^^
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple...(Ps.27:4)
Tonight, as I think about the wonderful events that took place on the weekend, I remember the intense joy of my encounter with the Lord through those two important days. I remember my encounter with the Lord in the baptism, in the Word, in the fellowship, and in the praise and worship sessions. I must say that yes, I have grown to know and love the Lord all the more just after 48 hours.
But now, as I am being forced to go back to my old workday routine, I sigh in frustration. Not that I have anything to complain about...the Lord has blessed me so immensely during the Victory weekend as it went way beyond my expectations. Yet here I am, wondering. I believe that superhuman moments like these are glimpses of heaven- gray-shaded, poor photocopies of what it feels like to be right there in eternity with the Lord. It may have a lot to do with the traces of spiritual high that I still got out of my God-indulgent weekend, but I find myself having an insatiable yearning for that wonderful feeling...that otherworldly experience wherein I feel free, that the world can fade away for all I care, as nothing else matters. I am wishing that everyday and every moment of my earthly existence would be filled with that mysterious joy that only the Lord can give. This strange desire now makes me realize more deeply that all of humanity is indeed made for a cosmic plan beyond our popular concept of a lifetime. *sigh* Truly, we are built for a realm beyond this old place we call our home planet.
Now I understand why David the Psalmist sang such lines during his earthly existence. Even though he lived as a powerful, anointed king of Israel, he had such a wise view of eternity that no amount of gold or number of women could obstruct his view of God's greatness. He knew because he focused and meditated of God's promises. He understood because he performed in faith.
I believe that, since I still need to work in advancing God's kingdom, I have yet to meet the Lord face to face. I won't be getting my heavenly wish soon. In time, I will- but not now. I just pray that I will always have that faith...that one day, yes, one day I will be there with God in heaven. I will experience the fullness of that otherworldly pleasure of being with him. *sigh* For now, I have to go with God's will and enjoy what great gifts (learnings, relationships, challenges) he has for me. I want to know and love God more while I'm still on earth...for the meantime.
(Honestly, I still have that dismal feeling...it almost brings me to tears...what a sad thing that such intense experiences are intermittent here on earth. But yes, it's time to go back and focus on the urgent tasks at hand...and yes, meditate on the Word and obey...which is nevertheless delightful...) ^^
Realization, Anticipation
I realize that I am so blessed with a bunch of Christians who support me in my decisions and who are there to encourage me. Through these fellows I realize more than ever that I am truly drenched in God's grace. Thank you Lord for the undeserved grace. I'd literally be dead without you. *swoon*
I do feel funny while anticipating the weekend. Perhaps this is more or less how excited a groom or bride feels before the wedding. I wouldn't know well... I just know I'll be experiencing another one of God's surprises through this upcoming b day.
I also realize that it's humbling that I am privileged to experience baptism, just like Jesus when he was still traveling on foot. I believe that's the strongest argument for baptism. If Christ willfully submitted himself to it, what makes me think I should refuse it?! I now realize how unwise that sounds... well, because now I know better. Thank you Lord.
Now I just have to follow the Lord's example.^^
Excited and nervous. Hm. Lord, reign in me!
I do feel funny while anticipating the weekend. Perhaps this is more or less how excited a groom or bride feels before the wedding. I wouldn't know well... I just know I'll be experiencing another one of God's surprises through this upcoming b day.
I also realize that it's humbling that I am privileged to experience baptism, just like Jesus when he was still traveling on foot. I believe that's the strongest argument for baptism. If Christ willfully submitted himself to it, what makes me think I should refuse it?! I now realize how unwise that sounds... well, because now I know better. Thank you Lord.
Now I just have to follow the Lord's example.^^
Excited and nervous. Hm. Lord, reign in me!
The WOW (walk on water) Experience
For the past nights my reading has been about the time when Jesus walked on the water (Jn 6:16-24). A few elements came to my mind while I was meditating on this:
First of all, it was a dark night when it happened.(v.16-17)
This does not seem a lot, but remember that at that time, there were no light houses and coast guards to ensure safety among the water travelers. The danger was apparent, even with a portable gas lamp.
Second, Jesus had not joined them when they set off across the lake.(v.17)
This was one of those times when they felt that they did not have Jesus with them. Their leader was absent. For a bunch of slow-witted disciples, this might have caused them a bit of stress.
Third, there was a storm.(v.18)
Physical absence of the leader plus darkness plus rough weather in the middle of the lake equals a lot of stress for the disciples.
I believe that there will be times when God will be silent. Those times may involve a lot of problems and difficulties. We may be left to feel like we are stranded helplessly on a small boat in the middle of an unstable lake. But as sure as the Lord provides and guides his children, he presents these instances to allow us to practice obedience, allow for a leap of faith, or in this context... a walk-on-the-water experience. And as the disciples had acted in terror when they saw Jesus, we will occasionally find ourselves face-to-face with the unexpected. But in the midst of all the raging waves of dilemma, we can reach new heights in faith and love for our great Father in heaven who works everything in accordance to the purpose of his will.
First of all, it was a dark night when it happened.(v.16-17)
This does not seem a lot, but remember that at that time, there were no light houses and coast guards to ensure safety among the water travelers. The danger was apparent, even with a portable gas lamp.
Second, Jesus had not joined them when they set off across the lake.(v.17)
This was one of those times when they felt that they did not have Jesus with them. Their leader was absent. For a bunch of slow-witted disciples, this might have caused them a bit of stress.
Third, there was a storm.(v.18)
Physical absence of the leader plus darkness plus rough weather in the middle of the lake equals a lot of stress for the disciples.
I believe that there will be times when God will be silent. Those times may involve a lot of problems and difficulties. We may be left to feel like we are stranded helplessly on a small boat in the middle of an unstable lake. But as sure as the Lord provides and guides his children, he presents these instances to allow us to practice obedience, allow for a leap of faith, or in this context... a walk-on-the-water experience. And as the disciples had acted in terror when they saw Jesus, we will occasionally find ourselves face-to-face with the unexpected. But in the midst of all the raging waves of dilemma, we can reach new heights in faith and love for our great Father in heaven who works everything in accordance to the purpose of his will.
To B or not to B...that is...not the question
Today I received my food rations for thought. I think it's consuming me...again, this mental torment is not a new case. But the menu is always fresh and foreign to my brain cells... way to go, Lord...
So! Why do I need to baptized? What is the significance of being immersed in pool water on some church-appointed day?
Truthfully, this is new terrain for me. I did say that to my dear mentor who taught me about it. Knowing that I know not much about the subject, I keep myself from formulating my certain opinion regarding this. Several have told me that it's only in the experience that anyone would ever truly understand it. Probably much like marriage. Or temptation. Or Shakey's Hawaiian thin crust pizza, which I just consumed four slices of prior to typing this. Hehe.
Kidding aside, I now ask: Why do Christians need Baptism? Why do I need to submit myself to Baptism? How does this differ from the Catholic rite of Baptism?
Comparably, the Roman Catholic baptism is given to infants, or as soon as possible, and there is a prescribed formula verbalized while water is being poured on the head of the one being baptized. The Christian baptism comes by decision, which is very much emphasized (at least that's how I understand it).
After asking around, I came up with this view:
Baptism is NOT a prerequisite to salvation- meaning that even though a person does not have it, he or she will still be saved by grace through faith in the Lord. It is more of an outward manifestation of one's personal faith in the Lord.
Baptism may well be compared to a wedding. The marriage of the two people (with God of course) is the main thing. But most couples opt to have a wedding ceremony, right? Why? Not because they need it to secure their marriage. The wedding is more of a celebration, which is a way of proclaiming to everyone that they are accepting one another in the holy work that God has called them to. Even without the wedding, they are finely married. But the wedding is a good opportunity to glorify God.
Anyway, I just say these out of knowledge. After about twelve days, I will finally understand by experience. For the meantime, God has granted me the excitement and anticipation that I need to look forward to it... accept this not as a necessary ritual, but as a celebration of faith in the Lord, who saves.
So! Why do I need to baptized? What is the significance of being immersed in pool water on some church-appointed day?
Truthfully, this is new terrain for me. I did say that to my dear mentor who taught me about it. Knowing that I know not much about the subject, I keep myself from formulating my certain opinion regarding this. Several have told me that it's only in the experience that anyone would ever truly understand it. Probably much like marriage. Or temptation. Or Shakey's Hawaiian thin crust pizza, which I just consumed four slices of prior to typing this. Hehe.
Kidding aside, I now ask: Why do Christians need Baptism? Why do I need to submit myself to Baptism? How does this differ from the Catholic rite of Baptism?
Comparably, the Roman Catholic baptism is given to infants, or as soon as possible, and there is a prescribed formula verbalized while water is being poured on the head of the one being baptized. The Christian baptism comes by decision, which is very much emphasized (at least that's how I understand it).
After asking around, I came up with this view:
Baptism is NOT a prerequisite to salvation- meaning that even though a person does not have it, he or she will still be saved by grace through faith in the Lord. It is more of an outward manifestation of one's personal faith in the Lord.
Baptism may well be compared to a wedding. The marriage of the two people (with God of course) is the main thing. But most couples opt to have a wedding ceremony, right? Why? Not because they need it to secure their marriage. The wedding is more of a celebration, which is a way of proclaiming to everyone that they are accepting one another in the holy work that God has called them to. Even without the wedding, they are finely married. But the wedding is a good opportunity to glorify God.
Anyway, I just say these out of knowledge. After about twelve days, I will finally understand by experience. For the meantime, God has granted me the excitement and anticipation that I need to look forward to it... accept this not as a necessary ritual, but as a celebration of faith in the Lord, who saves.
Proof
Just recently, a girl asked me how I got the unwavering trust in God. So I wondered there for a moment, "How do you get to that point wherein your trust in God is the surest thing there is for you?"
In my logician mind I pondered before answering. The girl who was asking me was a new believer. Should I shoot Biblical statements regarding Christian salvation? Should I answer from the doctrine?
There are many possible ways to answer this sudden question, but here's what I gave her so far:
If you're looking for a definitive proof of God's existence, then there is none. But I can tell you that there are moments when I sit back and think about my life. From the time when I had received the Lord to the recent times, I must say that I am truly better off...much better than before, than the last year, than the last month... I love God more oday than yesterday. Had God not been here, then I would not have lived this long.
She asked me, "Are you happy?"
Yes! Of course life is not perfect and there are problems. But the problems do not matter so much when I know God is taking care of me. I may even create the problems but as long as I am surrendering them all honestly to God, then I am growing. And I am all the more free and happy. And at peace. :)
"You really must have some self-control..."
I cannot ever be strong all by myself. It's all about God.
I realize that no matter how hard we search for irrefutable proof of God's existence, we may never find any, unless of course we look all around and connect the natural world to the supernatural world...and realize that this is all God's order of things.
And because we have no absolute proof for human perspective/logic, then all we have, is, humbly...our life testimony. For me, this is overly humbling, being chosen by God to represent...to be his ambassadors to unbelievers. It is an extraordinary mission to be sent by the Lord to continue what he has started. *sigh*
Living Sacrifices
Bilis ng sagot ah. *freaks out* Oh no, Lord... Why now...
Moments after writing about the previous entry, the answer came, specifically as to why women were designed as gifts for men...grr...
"Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the patern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His GOOD, PLEASING, and PERFECT will." (RO.12:1-2)
OK lang, brothers naman ang sabi eh. Wahahaha. OK, fine Lord... let me think about it. Lord!!!
Good night. Enough for tonight!
Not quite surrendering all (at least not yet)
Tonight I am dealing with a difficult task: To pray for my... *cringe* I can't even write it down now.
Oh Lord. Can I wager? I'll pray for anything else- a million dollars, world peace, my love for math. Anything except that!
Hah... talk about Lordship... Obedience is like forgiveness in the sense that it's easy to say except when you have something to actually forgive. Or obey. Hm.
Recently the Lord strongly prompted me to pray for...*sigh* my love life. Grr. Unthinkable, if you ask me. Why? Because of all the silly complications in the world, love is the most difficult to deal with. Come to terms with it, and you'll wind up floating with wings on your shoes. DON'T come to terms with it, and you'll end up with a death wish. Or just death, if you're lucky.
I know exactly how silly I sound. The rebel in me is the typist at the moment. I mean come on- how do I deal with instance that God is prodding me- I mean prompting me- to pray for that one thing I don't like? Yeah, well...I consider myself well and able to talk about relationships, and yeah, I've even read a lot about courtship, marriage, and divorce. But seriously considering it for myself? Oh, unheard of. Theoretically, love sounds profoundly intriguing, but involving myself in such schemes is... *shudder*
So why do I resist praying for my love life?
1. I think that if I do NOT pray for it, nothing will happen. I will be happily single, and I can contribute freely to the community and my family.
2. Conversely if I DO pray for it, something is bound to happen and I won't get my gift of celibacy. Like everybody else, I'd go through with the process of union and procreation...perhaps suffer childbirth...get up in the wee hours of the morning to cook (Prov.31:15), grasp my spindle and work (v.19)...are you kidding me?! Me, be a mother, wake up early, and spin thread?!
So why do I really not want to marry?
I simply think love is the alibi that people use to glorify the mundane mode of union and procreation for the continuity of the human race. It's all hormones and vital signs. It's about natural selection. Nothing new about it. Yet people choose to go with what has been the usual recipe for survival. Hm. Of course it is still God's gift, His majestic design, but I don't want to have a part of it. Maybe love is a miracle for others, but not for me. I'm not into mystics.
Also, a few minutes ago, a friend of mine showed me a copy of an excerpt from "When God Writes Your Love Story" and I felt restless as I read about how women are designed to be gifts for men. Here's the line that prompted me to write this entry:
"As women, we are designed to give ourselves completely - emotionally and physically to one man. And there is a deep need inside of us to be loved and cherished for a lifetime by the man to whom we give the gift (of purity)."
I cannot accept this. No way am I just a 'half' of some wise guy who expects me to wait on him. Ha! No way! Are men and women not equal in God's eyes? Then why does the woman have to be 'incomplete'? And what about the reality of single blessedness? Does that mean this life is lacking? I don't think God is unjust to such people.
Speaking on that matter is the apostle Paul. Paul wrote in his letter that it is better for the singles not to marry.(1Cor.7:8) Why? Because he probably knew well the commitment involved in doing so. Of course, in marriage, the woman must submit to the man (again, which is my pain). And both of them have to work for the household. Which means less time. And according to a friend of mine who is happily married, even personal devotion schedules need to be revamped- one for God and you, one for God, you, and husband, and one for God, you, and family.
And the process of childbirth..! The moment I first saw the head of the baby crowning to get a first peek at the world, I closed my eyes and prayed, "God forbid! Not for me!"
...
Oh Lord. Let me be a celibate. I know how childish I sound, and I know you already have something mapped out for my future, but can I not kindly impose..? In tears I ask for this. I really don't want the life of a plain housewife.
To those of you who have the desire and would really want to be married- I hope you know what you're wanting. I respect your desire. As for me, I will remain stubborn... at least for a while, for the meantime...
Oh Lord. Can I wager? I'll pray for anything else- a million dollars, world peace, my love for math. Anything except that!
Hah... talk about Lordship... Obedience is like forgiveness in the sense that it's easy to say except when you have something to actually forgive. Or obey. Hm.
Recently the Lord strongly prompted me to pray for...*sigh* my love life. Grr. Unthinkable, if you ask me. Why? Because of all the silly complications in the world, love is the most difficult to deal with. Come to terms with it, and you'll wind up floating with wings on your shoes. DON'T come to terms with it, and you'll end up with a death wish. Or just death, if you're lucky.
I know exactly how silly I sound. The rebel in me is the typist at the moment. I mean come on- how do I deal with instance that God is prodding me- I mean prompting me- to pray for that one thing I don't like? Yeah, well...I consider myself well and able to talk about relationships, and yeah, I've even read a lot about courtship, marriage, and divorce. But seriously considering it for myself? Oh, unheard of. Theoretically, love sounds profoundly intriguing, but involving myself in such schemes is... *shudder*
So why do I resist praying for my love life?
1. I think that if I do NOT pray for it, nothing will happen. I will be happily single, and I can contribute freely to the community and my family.
2. Conversely if I DO pray for it, something is bound to happen and I won't get my gift of celibacy. Like everybody else, I'd go through with the process of union and procreation...perhaps suffer childbirth...get up in the wee hours of the morning to cook (Prov.31:15), grasp my spindle and work (v.19)...are you kidding me?! Me, be a mother, wake up early, and spin thread?!
So why do I really not want to marry?
I simply think love is the alibi that people use to glorify the mundane mode of union and procreation for the continuity of the human race. It's all hormones and vital signs. It's about natural selection. Nothing new about it. Yet people choose to go with what has been the usual recipe for survival. Hm. Of course it is still God's gift, His majestic design, but I don't want to have a part of it. Maybe love is a miracle for others, but not for me. I'm not into mystics.
Also, a few minutes ago, a friend of mine showed me a copy of an excerpt from "When God Writes Your Love Story" and I felt restless as I read about how women are designed to be gifts for men. Here's the line that prompted me to write this entry:
"As women, we are designed to give ourselves completely - emotionally and physically to one man. And there is a deep need inside of us to be loved and cherished for a lifetime by the man to whom we give the gift (of purity)."
I cannot accept this. No way am I just a 'half' of some wise guy who expects me to wait on him. Ha! No way! Are men and women not equal in God's eyes? Then why does the woman have to be 'incomplete'? And what about the reality of single blessedness? Does that mean this life is lacking? I don't think God is unjust to such people.
Speaking on that matter is the apostle Paul. Paul wrote in his letter that it is better for the singles not to marry.(1Cor.7:8) Why? Because he probably knew well the commitment involved in doing so. Of course, in marriage, the woman must submit to the man (again, which is my pain). And both of them have to work for the household. Which means less time. And according to a friend of mine who is happily married, even personal devotion schedules need to be revamped- one for God and you, one for God, you, and husband, and one for God, you, and family.
And the process of childbirth..! The moment I first saw the head of the baby crowning to get a first peek at the world, I closed my eyes and prayed, "God forbid! Not for me!"
...
Oh Lord. Let me be a celibate. I know how childish I sound, and I know you already have something mapped out for my future, but can I not kindly impose..? In tears I ask for this. I really don't want the life of a plain housewife.
To those of you who have the desire and would really want to be married- I hope you know what you're wanting. I respect your desire. As for me, I will remain stubborn... at least for a while, for the meantime...
The Major Cleanup
Feels great to take out the trash tonight.
Revamping my blog for a pending promotional release.
I have decided to share my essential thought life to the world.
Here's to God's new creation. And to God-given wisdom!
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Cor. 5:17)
Revamping my blog for a pending promotional release.
I have decided to share my essential thought life to the world.
Here's to God's new creation. And to God-given wisdom!
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Cor. 5:17)
smiling despite the rain
today's a school day... got home about two hours ago.
boiled pork legs and fried vegetable rolls. i was not contented so i ran to the nearby store and bought nips and salted eggs. i am thinking of the dishes and pots to wash. i ate with my father. i called my mother and told her to be careful of the weather.
yes, it's just an ordinary day. but i am smiling. my hair may be drenched but my soul will never be dampened. it's never a gray day. the Lord is the sun that never sets.
boiled pork legs and fried vegetable rolls. i was not contented so i ran to the nearby store and bought nips and salted eggs. i am thinking of the dishes and pots to wash. i ate with my father. i called my mother and told her to be careful of the weather.
yes, it's just an ordinary day. but i am smiling. my hair may be drenched but my soul will never be dampened. it's never a gray day. the Lord is the sun that never sets.
Tuwing Umuulan
Tuwing umuulan,
Naiisip kong
Maaari bang kisses na lang
O em em
Ang mahulog sa lupa?
(Huwag lang masyadong bumagyo at malamang masakit^^)
O kundi kaya'y umulan ng coke?
(Uso yata iyon)
Di ba't napapanahon ang acid rain?
Kung dagdagan kaya natin ng asukal
At maraming maraming carbon?
Magkatotoo na kaya ang pangarap ko?
Paano kung adobo? Na aking paborito
(Pero dapat boneless at baka makatusok^^)
O vanilla ice cream
Parang niyebe lang sa Pinas!
Nang ating masabi
Ng may mas malalim na kahulugan:
"Masarap ang panahon.
Natitikman ko pa."
At sagot na rin ito
Laban sa suliranin ng taggutom sa bansa,
Sa mga mamamayang naghihirap,
Kumakalam ang sikmura,
Pagdiriwang nila'y tiyak,
Sa pagbulusok ng ulan:
Paghiyaw na kasabay,
Ng pagkulog sa langit,
Na parang bulungan ng pananabik,
Bago ang inaasahang pagtatanghal,
Bago ang kinasasabikang pagsasalusalo.
Tuwing umuulan,
Naiisip kong
Sana'y hindi ako nag-iisip nang ganito,
Nagpapadala sa mga mala-bahagharing pangarap,
Nagpapaanod sa matamis na mundo ng kabataan,
Sa huwad na mundong kathang isip lamang,
Na hindi kailanman maisasakatuparan ng langit,
Tulad na lamang ng batang pusong umasa,
Noong minsa'y
Umulan
Naiisip kong
Maaari bang kisses na lang
O em em
Ang mahulog sa lupa?
(Huwag lang masyadong bumagyo at malamang masakit^^)
O kundi kaya'y umulan ng coke?
(Uso yata iyon)
Di ba't napapanahon ang acid rain?
Kung dagdagan kaya natin ng asukal
At maraming maraming carbon?
Magkatotoo na kaya ang pangarap ko?
Paano kung adobo? Na aking paborito
(Pero dapat boneless at baka makatusok^^)
O vanilla ice cream
Parang niyebe lang sa Pinas!
Nang ating masabi
Ng may mas malalim na kahulugan:
"Masarap ang panahon.
Natitikman ko pa."
At sagot na rin ito
Laban sa suliranin ng taggutom sa bansa,
Sa mga mamamayang naghihirap,
Kumakalam ang sikmura,
Pagdiriwang nila'y tiyak,
Sa pagbulusok ng ulan:
Paghiyaw na kasabay,
Ng pagkulog sa langit,
Na parang bulungan ng pananabik,
Bago ang inaasahang pagtatanghal,
Bago ang kinasasabikang pagsasalusalo.
Tuwing umuulan,
Naiisip kong
Sana'y hindi ako nag-iisip nang ganito,
Nagpapadala sa mga mala-bahagharing pangarap,
Nagpapaanod sa matamis na mundo ng kabataan,
Sa huwad na mundong kathang isip lamang,
Na hindi kailanman maisasakatuparan ng langit,
Tulad na lamang ng batang pusong umasa,
Noong minsa'y
Umulan
The Need to Belong to a Church
Whenever someone asks me about my religion, I simply answer that I am a biblical Christian, which is of course the truth. And that brief retort is usually followed by pressing questions such as, "What kind?" tailed with kind suggestions of sect names or Christian church branches. As if that's all there is to being a Christian.
Well I can't blame them. For one, the popular opinion is...of course, popular, hehe. And this lone writer can't do anything to instigate instantaneous change.
And looking back now, this is probably why I had initially avoided belonging to a church, especially a megachurch where there are too many people coming in and going out. For a critical thinker like me, the concept of trying to fit in is rather shallow and sad. I had thought that the church is probably where all the lonely souls go. I had long dismissed churches as a mere promoter of such worldly belonging. I don't ever want to be associated with some holy lonely hearts club with one basic identity (and yes, churches do have typical identities which outsiders know of).
Above all, I did not want my Christian identity to be tainted and dismissed as another passing fad. I did not want my faith to be neatly boxed in a category, much like the way that most offices would commonly organize manual time cards according to department. And belonging to a church did that, more often than not.
Hmmm... Maybe from here you'd think that I have met a lot of not-so-good Christians in my life. Truthfully, I have to say that I am blessed that most of my encounters with Christ followers are favorable, if not superb. Yet the fact remains that I have a lot of doubts about the need to belong to a church.
Why do I need to belong to a church? I have survived for a while without it. Also, Scripture has it that salvation is relationship-based: that is, if I accept the Lord Jesus by faith, then I am saved and free. Christian faith is founded on the credo that Jesus is the Way to eternal life. Nowhere does the Bible offer church membership in the equation as a prerequisite to enter heaven.
Why do I need to belong to a church? I have survived for a while without it. Also, Scripture has it that salvation is relationship-based: that is, if I accept the Lord Jesus by faith, then I am saved and free. Christian faith is founded on the credo that Jesus is the Way to eternal life. Nowhere does the Bible offer church membership in the equation as a prerequisite to enter heaven.
So again! Why do I need to belong to a church?
Here are my current thoughts:
1. Coming together promotes Godly encounter.
I believe what one wise pastor had recently suggested to me. Grouping is a logical and natural human tendency. In the primitive times, homo sapiens gradually organized themselves to form the early civilization. Out of that instinctive assembly came forth technological advancement and revolutionary discoveries which eventually shaped man's life as it is. From this I can see how the meeting of minds, the joining of individuals to form communities, brought about progress.
This basic concept worked with the early Christians as they saw it fit to come together in the spirit of Christ-centered fellowship. "They devoted themselves...to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer." (Acts 2:42) The same concept forms socio-civic clubs, peer groups, and family units. The latter, as well as this connecting concept, is undoubtedly sanctified by the Creator Himself.
Thinking back on my lone ranger days, I realize that some of the most memorable encounters I've had are my profound engagements with Christians. There is a mysterious joy formed in being with fellows who share the same passion and goal of promoting the love of Jesus to everyone.
This basic concept worked with the early Christians as they saw it fit to come together in the spirit of Christ-centered fellowship. "They devoted themselves...to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer." (Acts 2:42) The same concept forms socio-civic clubs, peer groups, and family units. The latter, as well as this connecting concept, is undoubtedly sanctified by the Creator Himself.
Thinking back on my lone ranger days, I realize that some of the most memorable encounters I've had are my profound engagements with Christians. There is a mysterious joy formed in being with fellows who share the same passion and goal of promoting the love of Jesus to everyone.
2. Immersion draws us closer to perfection.
My second assumption is derived from the first. Going to church forms healthy relationships with people of the same faith. It also allows one to identify with their brothers and sisters in Jesus and learn how to be more Christlike from them. It is a very powerful wellspring of blessings in material and immaterial forms. Might as well tap it like free water than wander with a parched mouth in a dry desert.
My recent visits to a Christian church in Caloocan have somewhat proven this point. For some reason, I felt all warm and fuzzy within after several close encounters with the regular churchgoers. (And this is coming from an intellectual nut like me!) The sincere greetings, firm handshakes, and fluffy bear hugs, had my mind going in defense mode, while my heart freely soared! At first I must admit that I was rather iffy with the kindness of those people, but their consistently happy and accepting nature made me look back more than once...and rethink my take on church involvement.
Truly, being around such wonderful people made me challenge my personal limitations. After knowing them, I could not wait to have God make me like one of them. I knew I needed the growth spurt! So I joined them.^^
Truly, being around such wonderful people made me challenge my personal limitations. After knowing them, I could not wait to have God make me like one of them. I knew I needed the growth spurt! So I joined them.^^
3. As we gather, we find answers.
And the bomb of a reason came after I had listened to the church's discussion of "Let Us," which highlights the value of being really involved in the work of God through the church. I believe that God somehow "accidentally" scheduled this series in the church for people like me. After this, church involvement actually made more sense to me.
It is true that the lone lamb usually gets carried off by lions. (I need the connection and encouragement.)
It is true that turning away from one another encourages defeat. (No wonder my joyful episodes are short-lived!)
Through listening to the series of teachings in church services, I was able to find a wealth of information about my current dealings with God. Such knowledge can only come through Spirit-led revelation. No amount of googling can unearth this kind of wisdom. It is distinctly given to God's ordained ministers, who are then tasked to teach these things to community members like me.
And I must say that I have gained a lot of food for thought after regularly attending the Sunday services. I was also strengthened to become connected and involved with the Christians around me. Much later, I gained more wisdom and encouragement by sharing my thoughts in smaller groups.
So after a long time of brooding, I snapped out of it. I think I stopped stressing myself out with finding more reasons when God gently tapped me and said, "Why don't you stay simply because you're enjoying it with Me?"
And now I have let go of my discomfort. I have thrown it away to allow Him to reveal to me the wonder of being with Him through Christian fellowship. Although I have yet to fully understand this church thing, I trust God in this matter now. Lord, show me your wonderful plans!
Thank God for the gift of a church! What a difference this church involvement has made! Thank you Lord! I've never been so, so happy in my life! No man is an island, indeed!
It is true that the lone lamb usually gets carried off by lions. (I need the connection and encouragement.)
It is true that turning away from one another encourages defeat. (No wonder my joyful episodes are short-lived!)
Through listening to the series of teachings in church services, I was able to find a wealth of information about my current dealings with God. Such knowledge can only come through Spirit-led revelation. No amount of googling can unearth this kind of wisdom. It is distinctly given to God's ordained ministers, who are then tasked to teach these things to community members like me.
And I must say that I have gained a lot of food for thought after regularly attending the Sunday services. I was also strengthened to become connected and involved with the Christians around me. Much later, I gained more wisdom and encouragement by sharing my thoughts in smaller groups.
So after a long time of brooding, I snapped out of it. I think I stopped stressing myself out with finding more reasons when God gently tapped me and said, "Why don't you stay simply because you're enjoying it with Me?"
And now I have let go of my discomfort. I have thrown it away to allow Him to reveal to me the wonder of being with Him through Christian fellowship. Although I have yet to fully understand this church thing, I trust God in this matter now. Lord, show me your wonderful plans!
Thank God for the gift of a church! What a difference this church involvement has made! Thank you Lord! I've never been so, so happy in my life! No man is an island, indeed!
Need You
To endlessness
To forever
There is no other happiness
I will find none other
From the moment when I saw you
I was indifferent
I looked away, and you knew
And from there we went
Like flowers that grow beautifully
With the flow of seasons
Our love flourished freely
And found profound reasons
Why I just had to fight
Why I needed to fall
In pain, in the dark of the night
In the challenge of losing all
Yes, I realize more and more
As I smile right here with you
In life there's more in store
Yet all I need is You
I am filled with the assurance
The surest contentment
That I have all my fair chance
Because I belong in the arms of
Your contentment
Because beyond there's more in store
Yes, all I need is You
Yes, all I need is You
To forever
There is no other happiness
I will find none other
From the moment when I saw you
I was indifferent
I looked away, and you knew
And from there we went
Like flowers that grow beautifully
With the flow of seasons
Our love flourished freely
And found profound reasons
Why I just had to fight
Why I needed to fall
In pain, in the dark of the night
In the challenge of losing all
Yes, I realize more and more
As I smile right here with you
In life there's more in store
Yet all I need is You
I am filled with the assurance
The surest contentment
That I have all my fair chance
Because I belong in the arms of
Your contentment
Because beyond there's more in store
Yes, all I need is You
Yes, all I need is You
Contentment
Very happy.:)
In the wee hours of the morning, I am basking in the thankfulness that I have for the Lord. Just when I thought I knew what it meant to be fine, here I am realizing that things can indeed get better and sweeter- especially my relationship with God.
So what happened? No rain of manna or a thousand loaves here, but more of... rejoicing. It's an ongoing process, a beautiful journey in finding God. Sounds totally cliche, but now I am deeply contemplating the meaning of this often-used statement. *sigh*
I am not saying I have a perfect relationship with God...far from it. But in the silence/restlessness/contemplation these past few months, I am now understanding that there is nothing more definite than my identity and will in the light of God's identity and will. Meaning that I can only surely find my significance through knowing Him. And it's not just a trial thing...it's a commitment that I have to decide fully on.
Do I have my heart set to it? I hope so. And after the incident last Sunday, I believe God has empowered me more again in my weakness. And following God comes out of habit... it's not a buffet menu wherein I can select only what I want. I must be willing to embrace all that the Lord deems well for me.
"Above all, guard your heart..."
With these realizations, I also came face to face with my personal challenge again. I guess lately I am accepting that I have a particularly weak spot in the coronaries...ouch. Nowadays it's like when I see him (seldom) or think about him (often), my whole sense is thrown out through the glass window. I am very much aware that this is just another state of distant limerence...but my heart's crazy enough to go with it at each encounter! Grr.
How to deal with it? Of course, eliminate the source. So that means: Go kill myself? Or shoot him instead! No no. Haha.
For the meantime I think a crucial point is 1.avoidance. Don't go looking for the source. And 2.diversion. Keep busy and productive. Sweep the house daily if needed. Read good books. Wash dishes and pots at once. Play more piano pieces. Fold dry laundry. Hit more pro points in Wii tennis, boxing, and bowling. ALWAYS do the devotions...pray, pray, pray.
Hahahaha. My current selection of methods is very domestic. And he is just an ordinary man, like the flu. But inflicting me quite the plague. Hahahaha.
And what do I do when the plague asks for my number?
Ah. S.O.S. Shall overcome soon. Lord!!!
In the wee hours of the morning, I am basking in the thankfulness that I have for the Lord. Just when I thought I knew what it meant to be fine, here I am realizing that things can indeed get better and sweeter- especially my relationship with God.
So what happened? No rain of manna or a thousand loaves here, but more of... rejoicing. It's an ongoing process, a beautiful journey in finding God. Sounds totally cliche, but now I am deeply contemplating the meaning of this often-used statement. *sigh*
I am not saying I have a perfect relationship with God...far from it. But in the silence/restlessness/contemplation these past few months, I am now understanding that there is nothing more definite than my identity and will in the light of God's identity and will. Meaning that I can only surely find my significance through knowing Him. And it's not just a trial thing...it's a commitment that I have to decide fully on.
Do I have my heart set to it? I hope so. And after the incident last Sunday, I believe God has empowered me more again in my weakness. And following God comes out of habit... it's not a buffet menu wherein I can select only what I want. I must be willing to embrace all that the Lord deems well for me.
"Above all, guard your heart..."
With these realizations, I also came face to face with my personal challenge again. I guess lately I am accepting that I have a particularly weak spot in the coronaries...ouch. Nowadays it's like when I see him (seldom) or think about him (often), my whole sense is thrown out through the glass window. I am very much aware that this is just another state of distant limerence...but my heart's crazy enough to go with it at each encounter! Grr.
How to deal with it? Of course, eliminate the source. So that means: Go kill myself? Or shoot him instead! No no. Haha.
For the meantime I think a crucial point is 1.avoidance. Don't go looking for the source. And 2.diversion. Keep busy and productive. Sweep the house daily if needed. Read good books. Wash dishes and pots at once. Play more piano pieces. Fold dry laundry. Hit more pro points in Wii tennis, boxing, and bowling. ALWAYS do the devotions...pray, pray, pray.
Hahahaha. My current selection of methods is very domestic. And he is just an ordinary man, like the flu. But inflicting me quite the plague. Hahahaha.
And what do I do when the plague asks for my number?
Ah. S.O.S. Shall overcome soon. Lord!!!
The Rock vs John Cena @ Wrestlemania 28: The Aftermath
April 2, 2012.
And so the match we had all been waiting for finally went down in Sun Life Stadium as the main event of the night. I watched it with my brothers at home through cable TV, one day after the actual show. Wishing to preserve the element of suspense, I even kept myself from checking the net for the results. I thought that as a fan, I just had to watch and enjoy it cluelessly like everyone else in the stadium.
So now, after that, I ask myself: Was it worth the wait?
The Entrance
I am aware that, having watched previous pay-per-view offers of the WWE, that main event entrances are expectedly grander than the usual. But the sing-and-dance numbers just proved to be too lame for a heated battle between two characters who are being built up as big rivals who really, really hate each other (at least that's how the storyline goes). Although the numbers made use of the event's theme songs, I don't think it was fitting for the matchup. The main event entrances had an effect much like shiny hang-up decors and stringed running lights smothering a Chriatmas tree. Of course Wrestlemania is for the supporting (and paying) fans, but I think they went too far with this.
Nowadays I'm hearing a lot of feedback that the true spirit of wrestling entertainment is dying as more emphasis and airtime is being given for gimmicks unrelated to the ongoings in the ring. The sing-and-dance choice for the "match of the night" underscored that idea. Forgive the nostalgia, but this made me yearn for the good-old days of Austin's shatter-glass entrance, Undertaker's hooded entourage, Shawn's impressive flight, and even Triple H's 'Kings' theme. There's a positive side to this, though- the entrances for this event left so much room for improvement.
The Match
The rivals started off by facing each other, taunting each other nonverbally. It's amazing enough to have two of these superstars in one ring, and both of them, knowingly cashing in on that, acted smart. These two popular entertainers showed the world again that they have the skill to thrill the crowd, and the fans- cheering 'Rocky' or 'Cena'- responded accordingly as they fed on the suspense.
After a while of holding back, they started off. They took turns giving each other a taste of their in-ring moves. From here I had a foreboding feeling that this would not be as action-packed as expected. Or perhaps it's just the warm-up...
According to the commentators, The Rock has an injury in the midsection, and so Cena kept crushing him with both arms around his chest. This went on for a while, and the unchallenging and repetitive move made me sleepy. Come on, where's the action?!
And later there was a moment at the top of the turn buckle (not believable)...the submission holds (yawn, bad acting)...the FU, and then the People's Elbow, which had everone screaming. I particularly enjoyed that part, because it's classic. Cena's special moves also had me watching closely. I was laughing when the Rock waved his open right hand in a mocking imitation of Cena's trademark "you can't see me" taunt, right before it backfired as Cena countered it with a fist to his face.
But that's about it. Everything else aside from their special moves just made me raise my eyebrow and pretend that I can't see the match that was going down...in rating. Cliche, cliche, cliche.
The Finale
And just when I thought that the match would go agonizingly longer, Cena finds a moment to make a mockery of the People's elbow as he takes off his green Cenation arm band and tosses it to the crowd. And just as he was hitting the ropes for the phenomenal elbow drop, The Rock quickly gets up, grabs him, and nails him down in a solid Rock Bottom...and the pinfall...1,2,3. The end.
My Analysis
Many people had claimed that this was a match worth watching. My favorite superstar HBK had even remarked that this matchup was a rarity, thus the high anticipation. Everyone had thought they'd finally see these two very charismatic icons put up the best show ever.
I agree that both Cena and The Rock are two of the most popular superstars in the business. It follows that they are also two of the most marketable guys in this season. But as their match has already proved it, they are certainly not the best in-ring performers in this era. With a considerably good record of matches, The Rock is capable of putting up a more impressive match than this. So what happened? Has he gone soft? Has he developed the star complex and now refuses to work on strategial action-packed matches with other superstars, whom he now considers subordinate to him? I am hoping that this is not the case. I am a fan of the eyebrow-raising, pie-eating actor with the undeniable appeal of an action star in and out of the ring. I dare him to prove me wrong in this supposition.
And what of John Cena? I strongly agree with the Cenation that he is cool, creative, and...Cenatic. He has his own brand- no, wait- he IS his own brand. Yet I think he needs to improve on his techniques in the ring and create more over-the-top matches if he wants to be the total package. Some fans have accepted that he's not gonna improve because he's just naturally too buff and bulky to be doing throwing, tumbling, and high-flying moves. But his life story (like The Rock's) tells of a man doing more than what is expected of him to have his dreams. Well if he was willing to go the distance to reach his current level of success, he might as well step up his game- and fast.
My Verdict
Nevertheless, as a fan, I was disappointed. I was expecting a lot of action this time from both of them, but for me, they failed to deliver. The wait was not worth it. I wish the bookers just put HHH and Undertaker last in the roster as the main event. That would have been more fitting as a Wrestlemania main event. (Rating: 6/10)
Predictions and Future Thoughts
Initially I thought that the victory would be given to Cena, since his fan base is younger compared to that of the Rock. But the location turned out to be a more crucial factor in that decision. The Rock was billed from Miami early in his career, so I guess the corporate side of the company found it appropriate to make him the winner of the matchup.
And the way Cena had handled it (he was talking to the fans through the video recording during his entrance to the ring, which I think is kinda breaking kayfabe as he was not focusing on this rivalry with his opponent), perhaps he found it...unacceptable, and just went through the motions to the end of the 30-minute show. Or was he just really not in his performance mood that night and just trashed it for both of them?
And on to the future... What of these two now? I read somewhere that The Rock might not be showing up for a long time again due to his hectic taping schedule. I hope not. His victory would be futile if so. In common sense, victory should be given to the player who deserves to be built up as a face in the company. In my opinion, the company might be able to make better storylines (and cash) if they gave Cena the victory...that is, if The Rock really plans on making his next movies anyway. Defeating The Rock would have given Cena a good boost.
But then again, maybe the creative team has got better ideas in store for future storylines. I had predicted that Lesnar would be the one to pick up where the Rock may leave off...and I am sensing that maybe, just maybe... it can work in their favor.
Past the year-long promotion and development of this much-awaited matchup, the People's Champ and the Leader of the Cenation battle it out (as The Rock fondly puts it, "Fiiinally!") in Miami, Florida.
It had been a long wait. It had been exciting enough to watch The Rock making his electrifying comeback to WWE in the early 2011, (much to the surprise of his millions and millions of fans, especially since he seemed to have made it apparent for a while that he had no intention of returning, not after he had made all those movies). And while this unexpected revival of Rockymania was just getting everyone at the edge of their seats in anticipation of his next move, he turns on the unsuspecting Cena, dissing the Cenation and bringing up some unfinished business with the King of Thuganomics, who of course, lashes out Cena-rap style, complete with purple pinwheels, fruity pebbles, and his chain gang style of subtle mockery in humorous rhythmic gimmicks.
It had been a long wait. It had been exciting enough to watch The Rock making his electrifying comeback to WWE in the early 2011, (much to the surprise of his millions and millions of fans, especially since he seemed to have made it apparent for a while that he had no intention of returning, not after he had made all those movies). And while this unexpected revival of Rockymania was just getting everyone at the edge of their seats in anticipation of his next move, he turns on the unsuspecting Cena, dissing the Cenation and bringing up some unfinished business with the King of Thuganomics, who of course, lashes out Cena-rap style, complete with purple pinwheels, fruity pebbles, and his chain gang style of subtle mockery in humorous rhythmic gimmicks.
And so the match we had all been waiting for finally went down in Sun Life Stadium as the main event of the night. I watched it with my brothers at home through cable TV, one day after the actual show. Wishing to preserve the element of suspense, I even kept myself from checking the net for the results. I thought that as a fan, I just had to watch and enjoy it cluelessly like everyone else in the stadium.
So now, after that, I ask myself: Was it worth the wait?
The Entrance
I am aware that, having watched previous pay-per-view offers of the WWE, that main event entrances are expectedly grander than the usual. But the sing-and-dance numbers just proved to be too lame for a heated battle between two characters who are being built up as big rivals who really, really hate each other (at least that's how the storyline goes). Although the numbers made use of the event's theme songs, I don't think it was fitting for the matchup. The main event entrances had an effect much like shiny hang-up decors and stringed running lights smothering a Chriatmas tree. Of course Wrestlemania is for the supporting (and paying) fans, but I think they went too far with this.
Nowadays I'm hearing a lot of feedback that the true spirit of wrestling entertainment is dying as more emphasis and airtime is being given for gimmicks unrelated to the ongoings in the ring. The sing-and-dance choice for the "match of the night" underscored that idea. Forgive the nostalgia, but this made me yearn for the good-old days of Austin's shatter-glass entrance, Undertaker's hooded entourage, Shawn's impressive flight, and even Triple H's 'Kings' theme. There's a positive side to this, though- the entrances for this event left so much room for improvement.
The Match
The rivals started off by facing each other, taunting each other nonverbally. It's amazing enough to have two of these superstars in one ring, and both of them, knowingly cashing in on that, acted smart. These two popular entertainers showed the world again that they have the skill to thrill the crowd, and the fans- cheering 'Rocky' or 'Cena'- responded accordingly as they fed on the suspense.
After a while of holding back, they started off. They took turns giving each other a taste of their in-ring moves. From here I had a foreboding feeling that this would not be as action-packed as expected. Or perhaps it's just the warm-up...
According to the commentators, The Rock has an injury in the midsection, and so Cena kept crushing him with both arms around his chest. This went on for a while, and the unchallenging and repetitive move made me sleepy. Come on, where's the action?!
And later there was a moment at the top of the turn buckle (not believable)...the submission holds (yawn, bad acting)...the FU, and then the People's Elbow, which had everone screaming. I particularly enjoyed that part, because it's classic. Cena's special moves also had me watching closely. I was laughing when the Rock waved his open right hand in a mocking imitation of Cena's trademark "you can't see me" taunt, right before it backfired as Cena countered it with a fist to his face.
But that's about it. Everything else aside from their special moves just made me raise my eyebrow and pretend that I can't see the match that was going down...in rating. Cliche, cliche, cliche.
The Finale
And just when I thought that the match would go agonizingly longer, Cena finds a moment to make a mockery of the People's elbow as he takes off his green Cenation arm band and tosses it to the crowd. And just as he was hitting the ropes for the phenomenal elbow drop, The Rock quickly gets up, grabs him, and nails him down in a solid Rock Bottom...and the pinfall...1,2,3. The end.
My Analysis
Many people had claimed that this was a match worth watching. My favorite superstar HBK had even remarked that this matchup was a rarity, thus the high anticipation. Everyone had thought they'd finally see these two very charismatic icons put up the best show ever.
I agree that both Cena and The Rock are two of the most popular superstars in the business. It follows that they are also two of the most marketable guys in this season. But as their match has already proved it, they are certainly not the best in-ring performers in this era. With a considerably good record of matches, The Rock is capable of putting up a more impressive match than this. So what happened? Has he gone soft? Has he developed the star complex and now refuses to work on strategial action-packed matches with other superstars, whom he now considers subordinate to him? I am hoping that this is not the case. I am a fan of the eyebrow-raising, pie-eating actor with the undeniable appeal of an action star in and out of the ring. I dare him to prove me wrong in this supposition.
And what of John Cena? I strongly agree with the Cenation that he is cool, creative, and...Cenatic. He has his own brand- no, wait- he IS his own brand. Yet I think he needs to improve on his techniques in the ring and create more over-the-top matches if he wants to be the total package. Some fans have accepted that he's not gonna improve because he's just naturally too buff and bulky to be doing throwing, tumbling, and high-flying moves. But his life story (like The Rock's) tells of a man doing more than what is expected of him to have his dreams. Well if he was willing to go the distance to reach his current level of success, he might as well step up his game- and fast.
My Verdict
Nevertheless, as a fan, I was disappointed. I was expecting a lot of action this time from both of them, but for me, they failed to deliver. The wait was not worth it. I wish the bookers just put HHH and Undertaker last in the roster as the main event. That would have been more fitting as a Wrestlemania main event. (Rating: 6/10)
Predictions and Future Thoughts
Initially I thought that the victory would be given to Cena, since his fan base is younger compared to that of the Rock. But the location turned out to be a more crucial factor in that decision. The Rock was billed from Miami early in his career, so I guess the corporate side of the company found it appropriate to make him the winner of the matchup.
And the way Cena had handled it (he was talking to the fans through the video recording during his entrance to the ring, which I think is kinda breaking kayfabe as he was not focusing on this rivalry with his opponent), perhaps he found it...unacceptable, and just went through the motions to the end of the 30-minute show. Or was he just really not in his performance mood that night and just trashed it for both of them?
And on to the future... What of these two now? I read somewhere that The Rock might not be showing up for a long time again due to his hectic taping schedule. I hope not. His victory would be futile if so. In common sense, victory should be given to the player who deserves to be built up as a face in the company. In my opinion, the company might be able to make better storylines (and cash) if they gave Cena the victory...that is, if The Rock really plans on making his next movies anyway. Defeating The Rock would have given Cena a good boost.
But then again, maybe the creative team has got better ideas in store for future storylines. I had predicted that Lesnar would be the one to pick up where the Rock may leave off...and I am sensing that maybe, just maybe... it can work in their favor.
Le Festin
*Listening to 'Why' by Secondhand Serenade*
So what's next, Lord? Am I going back to my teaching stint? You tell me! Ha! Last night was fantastic, by the way. That guy Jojo was really an impressive wise speaker. Also Paul. As a natural logician I keep thinking about the reason behind having a church. Why the need? What makes it necessary?
But then I may have to abandon this contemplation for the meantime when I think: Is not the blessedness of belonging to such a warm community enough to convince me to keep going to church and really belonging to such Godly fellowship? Of course I will continue asking my questions and probing wise minds for satisfactory answers...but even without totally comprehending everything now (which will never absolutely occur in my lifetime of existence), I go with the joy...and faith... Belonging to the fellowship...is just joyful. Being with people who really share the same joy...is beautiful. I seriously wonder about it.
Also there's my thing for my brothers. I hope that in the remaining days of my vacation, I get to know them better...and know how to treat them best in various situations. I want to be a good sister to them. I want to learn more about handling the household affairs, too. I want to learn how to cook more dishes for them!
Work, church, family... let's see what happens. Go Lord! You really work according to your plan and your own time.
Also, bless the person who happens to be reading this.^^
Also, bless the person who happens to be reading this.^^
Three days left
Tonight I write.
It's been a while since I felt the urge to write something here. It's almost midnight. After another day of studying and typical house chores, I'm in my element again, and that means I am in my optimal performance to the dawn. After this net break, I am definitely going to go back to studying Physics and Chemistry. Yeah!
It's strange, though...I've had some interesting insights these past few days. Maybe it's greatly due to the pre-hype for my upcoming government exam, which is taking place this Sunday. Although I DID allot about 25 days for my studying session, I only started seriously delving into specific topics just two days ago, which means that technically I'm only using six days of studying for this very important exam.
Yes, I got lazy. So undisciplined. No excuses for that, heh. Some things don't easily change.
But on the bright side, I AM actually studying for this one... unlike that time with my licensure exam (I did a lot of light reading for that one). It feels refreshing to think that it's really been years since I have studied this hard- with focus and determination. Even with the cramming issue here, I realize now that I am studying purposefully this time. Gradually, I am coming to terms with my life ambitions. I am seeing a definite reason for striving that is in line with God's plans for me.
On the lighter side, my occasional mood shifts from confidence to terror is an evidence of how much I value this opportunity before me.
Wow...I am actually driven to fight for my dream. I know that I have to do well this Sunday because my dream is at stake! Can I do it? Can I get an impressive score? Of course~ by faith, I will get to the second step, and third, and fourth...and then...*excitement bubbling* Oh, but I am terrible at Math... well, I did finish studying that today, but still, the numbers make me cringe...
Lord, please let me have this one. I believe that this has been the leap of faith you've been telling me to go for. So here I am- not contemplating or visualizing, but- presently MAKING that solid step forward. Ikaw na ang bahala sa akin.
Here's to fighting for the dream.
It's been a while since I felt the urge to write something here. It's almost midnight. After another day of studying and typical house chores, I'm in my element again, and that means I am in my optimal performance to the dawn. After this net break, I am definitely going to go back to studying Physics and Chemistry. Yeah!
It's strange, though...I've had some interesting insights these past few days. Maybe it's greatly due to the pre-hype for my upcoming government exam, which is taking place this Sunday. Although I DID allot about 25 days for my studying session, I only started seriously delving into specific topics just two days ago, which means that technically I'm only using six days of studying for this very important exam.
Yes, I got lazy. So undisciplined. No excuses for that, heh. Some things don't easily change.
But on the bright side, I AM actually studying for this one... unlike that time with my licensure exam (I did a lot of light reading for that one). It feels refreshing to think that it's really been years since I have studied this hard- with focus and determination. Even with the cramming issue here, I realize now that I am studying purposefully this time. Gradually, I am coming to terms with my life ambitions. I am seeing a definite reason for striving that is in line with God's plans for me.
On the lighter side, my occasional mood shifts from confidence to terror is an evidence of how much I value this opportunity before me.
Wow...I am actually driven to fight for my dream. I know that I have to do well this Sunday because my dream is at stake! Can I do it? Can I get an impressive score? Of course~ by faith, I will get to the second step, and third, and fourth...and then...*excitement bubbling* Oh, but I am terrible at Math... well, I did finish studying that today, but still, the numbers make me cringe...
Lord, please let me have this one. I believe that this has been the leap of faith you've been telling me to go for. So here I am- not contemplating or visualizing, but- presently MAKING that solid step forward. Ikaw na ang bahala sa akin.
Here's to fighting for the dream.
Cashier for a day
just got home from my special shift... since i just got on my indefinite leave from work to study for my special exam, i had a lot of free time in my hands. well of course i have to study and focus on producing an above average score on my march 25 exam, but that doesn't mean i shouldn't enjoy new experiences.
so this morning, after waking up from a despairing dream, i decided to spice up my day a bit by volunteering to come along with my mother to the drug store in bulacan, which is about an hour's drive away from our house. recently, my mother is managing the entire operations of the drug store, so she'd need all the help she could get. i figured that she needed it today in particular, because she had a lot of bank-related transactions to finish. someone always needs to keep an eye on the employees and man the main cashier booth...and just for today i decided to give it a try. so without much thought, i put on some casual clothes and went off with her.
i thought it was going to be easy, but soon i realized that running a pharmacy is not at all simple. there was no time to relax. as soon as i got in, i found myself counting and handing out cash and coins, being careful to keep the balance in the accounts. on the side, the employees had me check other things, too. i soon forgot to take a break and eat lunch. in the store, eating is not allowed in order to keep pests away...so at around 6pm i was hypoglycemic...my sugar was running low and i was starting to feel dizzy then. i was also having miscalculations in my transactions, so i knew i had to find a solution quickly. i didn't want to distract anyone, though- so i simply asked for a bottle of coke to keep me standing there. it was good enough to get my presence of mind back, but not good for my stomach due to the resulting increase in acidity.-.-
at around 7:30 my mother called me to a particular area by the stock room to have dinner. the viand was fried fish. typically i don't like fish that is not served hot, but my hunger overwhelmed me, so i just wolfed down three fish and a bit of rice. yum. and then i expressed to my mother how amazed i am with her endurance...being able to stay there and take care of the operations. it's quite a task for just one person, really. i felt glad to know then that my coming to the office has helped my mother in finishing some accounting tasks for today. i believe that this experience has taught me a lot. the most important thing i got is a more profound understanding of my mother's recent experiences. she's quite a woman. i can proudly say that she's a great sister to my uncle and a good mother to me. she's so persevering. i wish i had the same level of perseverance... but now i realize, i need so much more to learn how to handle things that efficiently.
on the way home, i played some of my songs... in particular i played and played safe and sound (taylor swift) and in heaven (jyj). earlier in the afternoon i had the chance to organize my playlists, espcially the new set of songs which my friend had shared with me, so i decided to test them on the road. the music got me in the mood, so i urged my mom to eat something. i was just supposed to get a serving of vanilla frappuccino, but i had to choose another option due to availability issues- i opted for a zinger double down - that's two slices of spicy chicken with bacon and cheese in between. i shared it with my mother, who thought that it was superb (her first time to try it)^^
now it's time to sleep. gonna read a book again and slip away to dreamland.
so this morning, after waking up from a despairing dream, i decided to spice up my day a bit by volunteering to come along with my mother to the drug store in bulacan, which is about an hour's drive away from our house. recently, my mother is managing the entire operations of the drug store, so she'd need all the help she could get. i figured that she needed it today in particular, because she had a lot of bank-related transactions to finish. someone always needs to keep an eye on the employees and man the main cashier booth...and just for today i decided to give it a try. so without much thought, i put on some casual clothes and went off with her.
i thought it was going to be easy, but soon i realized that running a pharmacy is not at all simple. there was no time to relax. as soon as i got in, i found myself counting and handing out cash and coins, being careful to keep the balance in the accounts. on the side, the employees had me check other things, too. i soon forgot to take a break and eat lunch. in the store, eating is not allowed in order to keep pests away...so at around 6pm i was hypoglycemic...my sugar was running low and i was starting to feel dizzy then. i was also having miscalculations in my transactions, so i knew i had to find a solution quickly. i didn't want to distract anyone, though- so i simply asked for a bottle of coke to keep me standing there. it was good enough to get my presence of mind back, but not good for my stomach due to the resulting increase in acidity.-.-
at around 7:30 my mother called me to a particular area by the stock room to have dinner. the viand was fried fish. typically i don't like fish that is not served hot, but my hunger overwhelmed me, so i just wolfed down three fish and a bit of rice. yum. and then i expressed to my mother how amazed i am with her endurance...being able to stay there and take care of the operations. it's quite a task for just one person, really. i felt glad to know then that my coming to the office has helped my mother in finishing some accounting tasks for today. i believe that this experience has taught me a lot. the most important thing i got is a more profound understanding of my mother's recent experiences. she's quite a woman. i can proudly say that she's a great sister to my uncle and a good mother to me. she's so persevering. i wish i had the same level of perseverance... but now i realize, i need so much more to learn how to handle things that efficiently.
on the way home, i played some of my songs... in particular i played and played safe and sound (taylor swift) and in heaven (jyj). earlier in the afternoon i had the chance to organize my playlists, espcially the new set of songs which my friend had shared with me, so i decided to test them on the road. the music got me in the mood, so i urged my mom to eat something. i was just supposed to get a serving of vanilla frappuccino, but i had to choose another option due to availability issues- i opted for a zinger double down - that's two slices of spicy chicken with bacon and cheese in between. i shared it with my mother, who thought that it was superb (her first time to try it)^^
now it's time to sleep. gonna read a book again and slip away to dreamland.
Tales of the Lull (5 stories)
Past the special farewell dinner I had with my school buddies (Jas, Ian, Yeong Ki, Jim, JR), I am currently seated in front of the computer monitor- the only source of light in this darkened room where I am staying in at the time. I admit that I am finding it hard to fall asleep these days. Maybe it's because of all the changes that are happening to me.
Even then, I must say that being able to handle big group classes has its perks. My morning classes get rowdy at times because of the super shows they put up. I get to meet more people and establish social connections with them. Also, I get more chances to practice speaking in front of other people (as if I'm not having a load of that, heh). Unfortunately/fortunately I have to leave the teaching stint shortly because of my personal business. But overall, what a lovely experience...^^
First, there's the list of decisions I had made: there's the med thing, the 3/30 thing, the indefinite leave thing... so much is happening at this time that I find it hard to take in everything all at once. And then there are the goodbyes all around me. Suddenly, people are walking out of my life at one period. Some are just going for a vacation. Others are simply moving up and about to find their niche in society. Both are reasonable, of course, but as I have especially learned these past few weeks, no amount of rationalizing can ever truly obliterate the pain of detachment, right? It's atypical of me to do so, but I have altogether stopped formulating reasons for this growing feeling of loneliness, which is a virus at its most thriving stage this week.
Ah! The goodbyes...I never grow out of them.
But well, the recent miracle is that I have grown tired of thinking. Haha! The logician experiences a temporary shut down... and perhaps for the meantime, the mental vacation is good.
1:25am, says the computer clock. I have my big group class first thing in the morning and I'm still awake here, downloading some fresh music files. And to think I have a lot of preparation to take care of tomorrow. Super crazy. Thankfully I was bitten by the writer's bug in this downloading lull. Perfect timing.
So now what can I say? Hmm...
Of course... life is not so easy these days... I will always have my set of woes, especially since typically, change is not easily accepted by people, and unfortunately, change is constant, too! Major changes are hard to take in. But on the lighter side, I have my fun or strange encounters to balance my elements... sometimes I feel that the cosmic powers conspire to sprinkle my days with these comical quirks...
Old Connections-
I felt super glad to see one of my student friends- my sister friend- Sophie, back in school. I was so happy that I was literally jumping upon seeing her. She is one of the femmes whom I feel comfortable with. A bonus point is that, without her noticing anything, I mentally paid attention to her speaking as we greeted each other during her return...and it felt good to hear how her speaking has improved, especially with some particular words that I had pointed out to her (strictly!) when she was still part of my small group class. More than that, I am expecting to have more girl-bonding with her and some new girls real soon.^^
I have also received an unexpected package from Dong Hyeon, which prompted me to sigh and ask... What is up with all the chocolate? This is because, as my closest friends know, I typically don't eat snacks that are given to me, unless they are opened right then and there. Truthfully, I don't like chocolates and snacks so much, especially these days. Having received a lot of it last Happy Tuesday, I currently have more than enough fill of glucose and polyphenols.
Nevertheless, I promptly sent a very warm message of thanks for the thoughtful present... and I am slowly consuming them... yummy. I prefer chocolates with rice crispies.^^
Also, four days ago I had the privilege to communicate with one of my favorite students of last year, old Daniel. He is still crazy, hairstyle is crazier, and he remains to be one of my faithful friends to this day.
And what a surprise- good ol' Tony came back from the dead, whoahohoho. He periodically resurfaces from his sea of typical student obligations to say hi to me.
Eddy is Cute-
Oh! Today I fall for the cuteness of Eddy in Pororo (the fox)... suuuuper cute! He has a pair of cute ears which twitch with his expressions. And his eyes...when he smiles, they are just a pair of slits. Normally, they are just a pair of dots. Ah, cute cute cute. I had quickly downloaded a picture of him earlier today. I am planning to watch more of the series to pass time, especially nowadays that I have my lazy hours in the early afternoons. I don't mind sounding like an overgrown kid, coz what the heck, he's cute...come on, no argument about that...
9 vs 1? Bring it on!-
My big group class made me realize all the more how I dislike being on the spotlight! Lecturing in front of people is not really my cup of tea (or my can of coke, haha), but of course as part of my development, I have learned to accept the situation as part of personal improvement. Oh, but how I hate being in front... eeerrgghh...I want to remain in my room if I can choose to! (But of course if I did, there'd be murder, haha!)
I have also received an unexpected package from Dong Hyeon, which prompted me to sigh and ask... What is up with all the chocolate? This is because, as my closest friends know, I typically don't eat snacks that are given to me, unless they are opened right then and there. Truthfully, I don't like chocolates and snacks so much, especially these days. Having received a lot of it last Happy Tuesday, I currently have more than enough fill of glucose and polyphenols.
Nevertheless, I promptly sent a very warm message of thanks for the thoughtful present... and I am slowly consuming them... yummy. I prefer chocolates with rice crispies.^^
Also, four days ago I had the privilege to communicate with one of my favorite students of last year, old Daniel. He is still crazy, hairstyle is crazier, and he remains to be one of my faithful friends to this day.
And what a surprise- good ol' Tony came back from the dead, whoahohoho. He periodically resurfaces from his sea of typical student obligations to say hi to me.
Eddy is Cute-
Oh! Today I fall for the cuteness of Eddy in Pororo (the fox)... suuuuper cute! He has a pair of cute ears which twitch with his expressions. And his eyes...when he smiles, they are just a pair of slits. Normally, they are just a pair of dots. Ah, cute cute cute. I had quickly downloaded a picture of him earlier today. I am planning to watch more of the series to pass time, especially nowadays that I have my lazy hours in the early afternoons. I don't mind sounding like an overgrown kid, coz what the heck, he's cute...come on, no argument about that...
9 vs 1? Bring it on!-
My big group class made me realize all the more how I dislike being on the spotlight! Lecturing in front of people is not really my cup of tea (or my can of coke, haha), but of course as part of my development, I have learned to accept the situation as part of personal improvement. Oh, but how I hate being in front... eeerrgghh...I want to remain in my room if I can choose to! (But of course if I did, there'd be murder, haha!)
Even then, I must say that being able to handle big group classes has its perks. My morning classes get rowdy at times because of the super shows they put up. I get to meet more people and establish social connections with them. Also, I get more chances to practice speaking in front of other people (as if I'm not having a load of that, heh). Unfortunately/fortunately I have to leave the teaching stint shortly because of my personal business. But overall, what a lovely experience...^^
The Man Without the Shirt-
It started one night while I was having dinner with some friends. In particular, Yeong Ki started asking me about my ideal male celebrity. We compared pictures for a while, and when I asked about Won Bin, he immediately obliged and showed me some interesting pictures of him. At one point, I had to look away from his phone at once because he showed me a...hmm... daring picture of this guy. At that time, without my knowledge, he had instantly sent me four pictures in kakao. Imagine my surprise upon seeing the pictures later that night... *self-conscious laughter* yaaaaaa what the..! (at first it was more of shocking, then later it was more of awesome hahahaha) In a nutshell... I totally agree with his appeal. Wow. And just two days ago, I read an article claiming that the he is currently the sexiest Korean, which is... *smiles* not at all surprising...go Won Bin...=^^=
Enough of that. I just find it truly unusual to...umm... giggle because of some raw masculine appeal. Ha!
I can ponder on more stories worth remembering, but for now, optimism counts... and so I have to sleep! That's it.^^
Enough of that. I just find it truly unusual to...umm... giggle because of some raw masculine appeal. Ha!
I can ponder on more stories worth remembering, but for now, optimism counts... and so I have to sleep! That's it.^^
today is a happy day
oh happy day. that's all i can say. today i was almost late for my class, but then it was ok because my student fell ill and was not able to come for writing class. i worried, but anyway i visited a close teacher and we chatted merrily for the duration of second class. not bad, because i missed her a lot. she's my closest female friend in school, so i enjoyed it a lot.
after that we went upstairs to do some office work. i helped craft a new eop badge, with ryan leading us. then lunch break came...so i had to take my toeic test as part of our monthly evaluation. i felt confident about my answers, except for two items. so i might have a pretty good shot at getting some top rank among the teachers. kkkk yey, but i think i shall review some more... right after taking my toeic test, i had fifteen minutes left of the lunch break, so i dashed to the cafeteria to get some quick bite, because i was really hungry. on the way i met teacher kevin, my teammate... so we ate together quickly. it was the first time that i had lunch with him, so it was a novel experience. i think we got to know each other better, which i think is good.^^
next period was sgc. nowadays i am having a fun challenge with my students, three of them, because two went to cebu. we had a very very good discussion about jobs, family, and dreams. i saw myself being very comfortable with them. and it kinda hurt to think that i had only eight days with them. kk but it's ok. i am happy to have known them better these past few days. hmmm... but tomorrow we resume regular sgc class...meaning the challenge is over and we have to go back to the book. i heard them saying, awwwww kkkkk which was enough to make me smile.
after that, as expected, yeong ki was absent. i was with him the night before, so i understood his situation. kkk old people get tired too easily kkk good thing andy was there to entertain me a bit. he is asking for a dinner meeting with me and someone special. i hit him because i know he is just using me as an excuse to spend time with the woman that he likes. kkkk well i can't blame him. my student is actually pretty and i like her because she is kind and diligent.
last class was interesting because i got to play with students and teachers. one student took my bright yellow shoes, and wore them for show. here's the catch- she is seven years old. and she likes me, which is very unusual for kids. another student, who seemed friendly enough, chatted with me as i went on playing around with the little girl.
after thirty minutes, i decided to do some office work, so i went upstairs in the office to help my supervisor make some final test questions. i thought it was fun. one question is my favorite- you're eating in an exotic restaurant and you friend tells you that you are eating monkey brain. what would you do? kkk i like these thought-provoking queries kkkkk
after that, i played the guitar with one of my close friends, ian. i taught him how to play his familiar song. good try for him. also, we had a good chat...then it was time to go home. we had to wait for our other family members to finish with some duties in the office... later, after about forty minutes, jas, jr, jim, ian, and i had a feast...pizza, salad, chicken, fish, squid, potatoes, beer, and iced tea. it was a great way to end a long tiring day. everyone looked tired but happy. i felt dizzy with the delicious taste of all the food we had. while eating, we talked about a lot of funny things. we laughed a lot. on my part, there was a point that i was laughing uncontrollably because of some ridiculous suppositions made mainly by jas. super funny. i was careful not to drink anything as he went on talking. kkk
and now i am home. i had a good chat with my ma. i wish we always had this kind of connection, however things go. after finishing my cleanup, i thought about it and realized that i had a good good day... so i smiled and decided to exercise my writing skills. it's been a while since i had written anything here... what a day. now i must retire. i think i should kkk i hadn't been getting a lot of good sleep these past few days. also the numbness comes and goes... i should take care of this soon.
after that we went upstairs to do some office work. i helped craft a new eop badge, with ryan leading us. then lunch break came...so i had to take my toeic test as part of our monthly evaluation. i felt confident about my answers, except for two items. so i might have a pretty good shot at getting some top rank among the teachers. kkkk yey, but i think i shall review some more... right after taking my toeic test, i had fifteen minutes left of the lunch break, so i dashed to the cafeteria to get some quick bite, because i was really hungry. on the way i met teacher kevin, my teammate... so we ate together quickly. it was the first time that i had lunch with him, so it was a novel experience. i think we got to know each other better, which i think is good.^^
next period was sgc. nowadays i am having a fun challenge with my students, three of them, because two went to cebu. we had a very very good discussion about jobs, family, and dreams. i saw myself being very comfortable with them. and it kinda hurt to think that i had only eight days with them. kk but it's ok. i am happy to have known them better these past few days. hmmm... but tomorrow we resume regular sgc class...meaning the challenge is over and we have to go back to the book. i heard them saying, awwwww kkkkk which was enough to make me smile.
after that, as expected, yeong ki was absent. i was with him the night before, so i understood his situation. kkk old people get tired too easily kkk good thing andy was there to entertain me a bit. he is asking for a dinner meeting with me and someone special. i hit him because i know he is just using me as an excuse to spend time with the woman that he likes. kkkk well i can't blame him. my student is actually pretty and i like her because she is kind and diligent.
last class was interesting because i got to play with students and teachers. one student took my bright yellow shoes, and wore them for show. here's the catch- she is seven years old. and she likes me, which is very unusual for kids. another student, who seemed friendly enough, chatted with me as i went on playing around with the little girl.
after thirty minutes, i decided to do some office work, so i went upstairs in the office to help my supervisor make some final test questions. i thought it was fun. one question is my favorite- you're eating in an exotic restaurant and you friend tells you that you are eating monkey brain. what would you do? kkk i like these thought-provoking queries kkkkk
after that, i played the guitar with one of my close friends, ian. i taught him how to play his familiar song. good try for him. also, we had a good chat...then it was time to go home. we had to wait for our other family members to finish with some duties in the office... later, after about forty minutes, jas, jr, jim, ian, and i had a feast...pizza, salad, chicken, fish, squid, potatoes, beer, and iced tea. it was a great way to end a long tiring day. everyone looked tired but happy. i felt dizzy with the delicious taste of all the food we had. while eating, we talked about a lot of funny things. we laughed a lot. on my part, there was a point that i was laughing uncontrollably because of some ridiculous suppositions made mainly by jas. super funny. i was careful not to drink anything as he went on talking. kkk
and now i am home. i had a good chat with my ma. i wish we always had this kind of connection, however things go. after finishing my cleanup, i thought about it and realized that i had a good good day... so i smiled and decided to exercise my writing skills. it's been a while since i had written anything here... what a day. now i must retire. i think i should kkk i hadn't been getting a lot of good sleep these past few days. also the numbness comes and goes... i should take care of this soon.
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